Silver Speaks

The Importance Of Your Work

2008-08-20T19:39:00.000-07:00

So there I lay, prone on the dentist’s chair, mouth wide open putting my full trust in a hygienist whom I barely knew—a hygienist who had sharp instruments and wasn’t afraid to use them.

This wasn’t a regular cleaning—there was trouble in my gums and she’d been called in to fix the problem. As I lay there, headphones pumping music into my ears to distract me from the task at hand, I began to think about what a gift this woman was giving me. Left unchecked, the gum disease could cause major problems not only to my mouth but to my overall health. I am so grateful that there are professionals like her who are not only willing but enthusiastic about setting things right. Heaven knows, it’s not a job that would appeal to me.

I thought about the schooling she’d had to learn her craft. I remembered her sharing with me that she regularly attends classes and conferences that keep her up-to-date on the latest technology and procedures. It shows because she used techniques on me that I’d not experienced before. Rather than a shot of Novocain, for example, we were able to get by with a topical anesthetic. I liked that!

I tell you about my hygienist to let you know that, no matter what your job is, it is important and has a great impact. Oftentimes your customers don’t give you positive acknowledgement but have you noticed how quickly they react when you DON’T do your job correctly? That’s because your work is important to them.

Many times employees will complain to me that their boss doesn’t bother to express any appreciation for their work. If I talk to them about the situation long enough, I notice one or both of the following situations:

1. The boss does acknowledge their contribution but the employee simply can’t hear it.

The Law of Attraction says you attract more of what you focus on. When you focus on the fact that no one appreciates the work you do, even when it happens, you can’t hear it. Why? Because you’re being “right” about how mistreated you are. If you actually heard the appreciation, then you would be wrong and human beings would rather be right than happy. What are you being right about?

2. The employee is self-deprecating, continually focusing on his/her own mistakes.

You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself. If your focus is on how many times you mess up, you will automatically attract people into your life that agree with your low opinion of yourself. That includes your boss. No one can give to you what you won’t give to yourself!

When I told my hygienist Sue how much I appreciated the work she was doing to make sure my mouth was healthy, she accepted my thanks with graciousness. However, as she told me how much she enjoys her work, I could tell that she didn’t need to hear my words to know the worth of it. She had already done the necessary internal work to feel good about what she does even if no one tells her so.

That is the goal—to be your own best cheerleader. The more you are able to say to yourself, “I’m good at what I do and I’m getting better every day,” the more you will attract people who agree with that opinion. Haven’t you noticed that those who need praise the least are the ones who receive it? That is the Law of Attraction at work and you can leverage it starting your own fan club this very minute.

By the way, if you live in the Phoenix area, Sue works in the offices of Dr. Carol Ford. I highly recommend their work. http://www.Dr.CarolFord.com

Download a PDF of this column

Being the Most "You"

2008-08-13T18:47:00.000-07:00

Joseph Campbell is famous for saying, “Follow your bliss.” Although we can never know for sure what he meant by that, my interpretation has to do with how the Law of Attraction works. You attract more of what you focus on. Therefore, if you follow your bliss, you will attract more of whatever is making you so darned blissful!

I am devoted to providing you with tools to thrive at work. In order to do so, it is important to know what your work is.

Many of us wait for omens or signs—some irrefutable event that will tell us exactly what we are supposed to be doing. You’ll often hear those fortunate individuals to whom this has happened refer to it as having “been called.”

Actually, we are all called; we just don’t recognize it when it’s happening. I realized this last week after hearing an important question posed during a women’s group conference call.

The question was: when are you the most alive, completely present to what’s happening in the moment without your considerations, your fears or your story?

In other words, when are you the most “you?”

When the question was spoken, I felt electrified! I knew I’d heard something important.

This question is crucial because during those times when you are the most “you,” you are completely connected to your inner guidance system and it is sending you a surge of positive emotions designed to impart to you the following message: This is it! You are exactly where you should be—enjoy!

For my friend Melissa, it’s when she hits her stride while writing. She is a professor of literature but her calling is as a writer.

My friend Jeff feels most alive when he finds a piece of fruit that is perfect. The feel, the smell and the taste put him into a state of bliss. That’s good because he is a produce buyer.

I feel most alive when I am teaching—whether on stage while delivering a speech, in front of a room when I’m delivering a workshop or one-on-one with my coaching clients.

In order to begin piecing together what calls to you, it’s important to pay attention to when you feel most alive. What are you doing? Who are you doing it with? How could you turn it into a career?

You may think there are things you cannot turn into a career. Many love to play golf, for example, but lack the drive or financial backing to turn pro. I have a coaching client like that. When we met she was a mortgage broker who loved to play golf. During our work together, she created a way to be paid to play. She combined two passions: golf and philanthropy. Today she teaches others how to use golf as a platform for creating business connections and she donates a portion of her proceeds to good causes. Her company is called Golf for Cause (http://www.GolfForCause.com).

What I’ve noticed in my work is that too many of us end up in “accidental careers.” We get a job right out of school and wake up 20 years later in a career we wouldn’t have chosen and don’t enjoy very much. If that description fits you, then start today to pay attention to when you are most alive. Look for clues that will lead you to the direction you want to take your existing career or your post-retirement career.

It may take some time but it will be well worth it in the long run. You spend more time working than doing anything else. Shouldn’t it make you feel the most alive? Shouldn’t you be the most “you” while you’re doing it?

Download a PDF of this column

Valuing Your Values

2008-08-01T07:53:00.000-07:00

A very wise man once said, “Human beings are incapable of doing something they believe is wrong. Therefore, whenever they do something that IS wrong, they will find a way to justify it.”

At work, project deadlines are missed because “they were unreasonable in the first place;” office supplies get stolen because “they don’t pay me what I’m worth;” and job-hunting is done on company time because “they don’t treat me well here,”

At home, spouses are mistreated because they’re “not giving me what I need:” children are disrespected (ironically) because they “are being disrespectful;” and a variety of addictions to food, alcohol, shopping (name your poison) are being indulged because “I deserve it,” (how twisted is that logic?)

You can fool everybody and everything except your Inner Guide, the part of you that is always leading you toward that which is guaranteed to make you feel good. Some call this guide intuition, many refer to it as soul and others simply say “gut instinct.” Whatever you call yours, its job is to guide you toward that which will make you happy.

Now, here’s the kicker. Contrary to popular opinion, when you experience negative emotions it is not your Inner Guide proactively signaling you that there is danger ahead. Rather, it is separating itself from you. If it could talk to you, you would hear, “What you are doing right now is not leading you toward your greatest good so I’m vacating the premises until you stop.” This separation feels terrible; you would do yourself a big favor to repair the rift quickly.

If you feel bad when you’re doing something, your Inner Guide goes on vacation and it is your Inner Guide that makes you feel good; it is your connection to your higher good—Source Energy, God, whatever you wish to call it.

Your emotions are the strongest barometer of whether you are living your life in alignment with your value system (not everyone else’s; yours).

Let’s say that a strong tenet of your value system is that you treat people with respect. Your Inner Guide knows that and guides you toward it. Therefore, when you don’t treat others with respect, it feels terrible, no matter how justified. In fact, the stronger the justification, the worse it feels. You end up visibly shaken and upset and your Inner Guide is long gone, knowing you are behaving in a way that’s leading you away from what you really want.

When you indulge any addiction (and believe me, I do this more often that I care to publicly admit), it feels awful. We ignore this feeling because the adult is no longer in charge; a two-year-old has taken control of our body and “wants it right now!” Our emotions are screaming at us to stop but we grit our teeth in determination and justification and defiantly do the dastardly deed.

You’ll recall that I often say, “Your brain doesn’t know the difference between pretend and reality.” If you pretend to be happy, your brain is fooled into sending “feel good” chemicals into your system and you become happy. Another benefit to doing this is that, when you make happiness your highest priority, you no longer indulge in behavior that causes your Inner Guide to vacate the premises. That feeling of happiness is a result of your Inner Guide being in residence, connecting you to your Source Energy. The more you live in integrity with your values, the stronger that connection, and the happier you are. The highest level of connection is joy.

Do a values audit. If you are doing anything that goes against your values, know that you and you alone are the one standing in the way of your own happiness.

How great is that?!? You can do something about it!

Download a PDF of this column

Emotional Physics

2008-07-29T19:18:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed that some days are harder than others to put a happy face on things? Saturday was like that. I’d gone to bed the night before with a list of things I planned to accomplish the next day. By the time I’d fully woken up and had my tea, I realized I felt discouraged. I didn’t feel like doing anything.

There’s nothing wrong with changing your mind, especially on a Saturday. But it wasn’t that I’d decided I’d rather do something else. It was that I didn’t feel like doing anything at all—except beat myself up for how I was feeling.

I recognized this trap; perhaps you have a similar one. If I simply did nothing, my downwardly spiraling mood would get worse. However, I knew I was incapable of forcing myself to tackle the “to do” list. My friend Allen taught me a neat trick to handle this dilemma—just do something. On the days he can’t get going on what he’s “supposed” to do, he does chores. So that’s what I did. I had already planned to do some cleaning later on in the weekend so I tackled it then rather than later.

What’s brilliant about this strategy is that it accomplishes two important things:

1. It gets you into motion and, no less than the esteemed Sir Isaac Newton taught us that a body in motion tends to stay in motion (and a body at rest tends to stay at rest). Once I’d finished cleaning one room on Saturday, I was in a completely different mood. I was able to move on to a few other chores and eventually tackle some of the things on my list.

2. It staves off the “guilts”—those thoughts and feelings that accompany the “shoulds”—I should be doing this or I should be doing that. We “should” all over ourselves, don’t we?

Had I done what my mind was telling me to do—sit on the couch and play a video game—I would have been feeding the downward spiral. At the end of the day, I knew I would feel terrible, full of guilt and a feeling of desperation. Instead, when my head hit the pillow, I’d accomplished enough to feel I’d had a good day, even if I hadn’t accomplished all that I’d set out to. The most important things on the list were done and the entire list was completed on Sunday when I had the energy for it.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you attract more of what you’re focused on. When you get into motion, it is the first step toward reversing the downward spiral and your emotions begin to cycle upward into a more positive state of mind. You cannot, however, go from a down mood to a happy state of being in 2.5 seconds (unless there are drugs involved and who needs those after-effects?)

How can you apply this at work? I once coached a woman who had a lot of trouble with becoming “frozen” at work. She realized there were things she had to do but, similar to my Saturday experience, just couldn’t seem to get motivated. She compiled, for just those occasions, a list of mindless tasks—those things you can do well without having to be fully engaged. When she became frozen, she would go to her list and do things like filing, pre-addressing envelopes for future use, or cleaning up her work area. Whatever activity she chose, it successfully put her into motion and in a short amount of time, she could get back to where she needed to be. Her productivity skyrocketed.

If this is a problem you sometimes face, I suggest you make your own list of mindless tasks. Keep it handy so when you get frozen, you can get yourself into motion. A body in motion tends to stay in motion—and wards off atrophy of the mind and the body. Happy melting!

Download a PDF of this column

Hurling Yourself at Life

2008-07-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

Gasoline is expensive. People are worried how they will afford it. And yet, this morning during rush hour, I was driving a respectable 5 mph above the speed limit and vehicles were rushing by me like I was a stationary road hazard.

Whether or not they were using too much gas is not the subject of this column. What concerns me is that, in a time when it makes absolute and perfect sense on multiple levels to slow down, we don’t seem able to break the habit of hurling ourselves at life as if it’s an enemy to be defeated.

What worries me is the mood of those drivers when they arrive at work. Are they calm and energized, ready to tackle the day or are they the physiological result of spending 20-30 minutes with a white-knuckle death grip on their steering wheels?

There are many reasons why this is not good. First of all, when you are stressed out as so many of us are behind the wheels of our vehicles, your brain responds by pumping nasty chemicals into your system—chemicals which can ultimately cause heart attacks and strokes if they’re allowed to build up.

Secondly, the Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. Whatever the mantra is that you are playing in your brain when you’re driving as if you’re in a NASCAR event, you are attracting more of the same. Are people driving like idiots? Keep watching; more are sure to show up. Is the road a mess? More potholes and unexplained bumps coming right up! And are you screaming internally, “I CAN”T be late! I CAN’T be late!!!”? Yeah, good luck with that one.

There are two things I try to remember when I’m facing stressful road conditions:

1. Your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality. If you loosen your grip on the steering wheel, adjust your body into a more relaxed posture, take a few cleansing breaths and start focusing on things that make you feel better, your brain will be fooled into thinking you’re in a good mood. Brace yourself! Here come the “feel good” chemicals in response.

2. You can turn nearly anything into a fun game. I play a game called “don’t hit the brakes.” It’s not as dangerous as it sounds. When I get into stop ‘n go traffic, I decide to see how long I can go without hitting the brakes. This requires me to pace my car and leave plenty of space between me and the car ahead. That way, when other cars come into my lane, I don’t need to hit the brakes (or cuss them out). It completely takes my attention off the problem and turns it into a fun situation. It also forces me to concentrate on driving—have you ever noticed how easy it is to be lulled into a false sense of security when traffic is going slow? Lots of rear-end collisions happen during those times.

There can be all sorts of “unintended consequences” when you make a conscious effort to slow down. After the awful events of September 11, airports started to insist that we arrive two hours early for outgoing flights. I travel a lot and I did not embrace this new requirement in quite the patriotic spirit the FAA had probably hoped for. However, on my first trip I noticed something that was pretty wonderful. Because I was at the airport in plenty of time to catch my plane, I was completely relaxed. I wasn’t grumpy. I wasn’t frazzled. I had time to do whatever I wanted--catch up on phone calls, read a magazine or sit quietly and people-watch. When I did people-watch I noticed the same impact on others. With fewer frantic fliers, everyone was more relaxed and friendly.
Try leaving for work 10 minutes early so you can enjoy the ride. I promise you’ll love the unintended consequences (as will your body).

Download a PDF of this column

Attractive Energy

2008-07-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

I’m a people-watcher. I enjoy observing the scenes of life as they unfold around me and then considering what they might mean.

Of late, I’ve been noticing people’s energy. I’m not talking about auras—I leave that up to those who have that gift. My definition of energy falls more easily under the umbrella of attitude and its impact on the individual and those around them.

Does their energy attract or repel?

Last week, I was involved in one example of each.

First Scenario: I went into an office supply store armed with a discount coupon that entitled me to $25 off if I purchased $125 or more in product. I had been there earlier that day to buy some files and noticed a bookshelf I wanted. However, I needed to go home and measure first to make sure it was the right size.

I got to the checkout stand with the bookcase and a Bluetooth headset, confident I had more than enough to earn my $25 discount. Instead, the woman behind the counter informed me that the coupon did not cover electronics so I did not have enough.

Not to be deterred, I explained that I had been in earlier that day and made a purchase of office supplies that would entitle me to the discount. Could she look it up in her register? “We can’t do that,” she replied unapologetically. “What if I gave you the credit card I used? That’s how they do it at Home Depot.” Again, without apology she replied, “Ma’am, this is not Home Depot. We cannot do that.”

Now I’m starting to catch her energy. I’m not upset by the situation but by her seemingly total lack of regard for the fact that I am the customer who pays her salary (don’t we get worked up into frenzy when we are indignant?) I tried to find my receipt for the morning’s purchase but it did not appear to be in my wallet. So I asked them to hold the bookcase so I could go home and find the receipt.

In the car, away from her negative energy I took a few deep breaths and talked myself back into calmness. I easily found the receipt I’d been looking for and was able to go back in and purchase what I wanted WITH the $25 discount. And here’s the funny part. The 5-10 minutes of separation seemed to have done her some good, as well. She apologized for the problem, told me that not storing credit card information was for my protection (which made sense) and by the end of our transaction was calling me “Hon.”

Second Scenario: My friend Victoria and I went into a restaurant and were seated in a booth by the window. Our server, a fresh-faced 20-something young woman walked up, gave us a great big smile and said, “What can I get you to drink?” Not only was her smile genuine, her energy was amazing—she oozed with “happy to be alive” and “so glad to have this job.” Her name was Sara.

I am always in a good mood when I’m about to be fed but my mood on this particular morning improved significantly because of Sara. Her energy definitely attracted.

What about your energy? Does it attract or repel? If you want to know, look at what shows up around you. The day I was embroiled in the First Scenario, I wondered how I had attracted this woman whose energy definitely repelled. How or why is irrelevant, really—the fact is, I had attracted it. However, instead of feeding her negativity by insisting on my rights as a customer, I had the presence of mind to go to the car and calm down. It’s not surprising that, when I returned, she had shifted, too. You see, I was no longer attracting that type of energy.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you can only attract that which is a match to your own energy. This is great news when you use it to your advantage. If you want those around you to shift, look at your own energy. Does it attract or repel?

Download a PDF of this column

What You Do and How You Do it REALLY Matters

2008-07-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

How would you behave if you were in charge of morale for your organization’s customers? It’s an important question because you ARE in fact, in charge.

I deliver workshops to a local Veteran’s Medical Center and I’ve been particularly interested in how the veterans are treated because my Dad was a Purple Heart veteran of World War II.

As I work with employees from a variety of departments, it has become increasingly clear that every person has a direct impact on the morale of their customers, the veterans. (One employee told me he considers each veteran to be his boss, which is absolutely the right attitude to have.)

If Housekeeping doesn’t do their jobs well, then the veterans come to a place where there is trash on the floor or coffee stains on tabletops. The message? You don’t matter enough for us to clean up.

If Payroll doesn’t get employees paid on time and accurately, this directly impacts the mood of employees and their interactions with the veterans.

If an employee in the hallway is asked a question by a veteran and responds with, “I don’t know,” and walks away without finding someone who does know, then the message is, “I’m more important than you; don’t bother me.”

Who are your organization’s customers and how do you make sure they are served well? Are you waiting for someone else to be in charge of morale?

In an organization that serves Veterans, the charter seems crystal clear. Of COURSE you would want to bring your “A” game to work. These customers are precious—they served and protected us—showing them the utmost respect when they need something is a way to say, “Thank you.”

But what about when it’s less clear; when the customer doesn’t seem so deserving? Why go the extra mile then? The answer is: be in charge of morale because it’s good for YOU.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. When you are focused on bringing your “A” game to work, then you benefit in numerous ways:

• You get to be proud of your work and that kind of pride feels great;

• You sleep better at night knowing you’ve done your best;

• When you’re pleasant, (even if you’re faking it) you fool your brain into
thinking you’re in a good mood and it floods your system with " feel good”
chemicals so that you actually are in a good mood!

• You attract people who match your mood;

• You will be given more opportunities;

• You will ultimately make more money;

• It spills over into your personal life. The more you perform well at work,
the better your overall mood is and everyone around you benefits (most
especially you!).

What you do and how you do it REALLY matters.

What you do matters to the end customer and to this end, all jobs are equally important. The surgeon couldn’t save lives if there weren’t someone to clean up before and after. The CEO couldn’t do her job without a staff to take care of the many facets of running an organization.

How you do it matters to you. Too often we wait for someone else to acknowledge us—to somehow bestow upon us self-esteem. A wise mentor once challenged me, “You want self-esteem? Then do something about which you can feel esteem.”

Now there’s an idea.

Download a PDF of this column

I See Work In Your Future

2008-06-25T19:27:00.000-07:00

My friend Louise sells long-term care insurance. From time to time we have lunch together and she uses the opportunity to regale me with data I’d rather not think about—things like how much money I’m going to need to retire, how much nursing care costs and how, in my old age my daughters may well have the opportunity to get even with me for the discipline I imposed when they were children.

Last Friday was just such an occasion and, as so often happens, the conversation sparked in me thoughts about how this relates to my work. What do all these depressing statistics have to do with helping others to love their work?

What occurred to me is just how important it is to figure out a way to enjoy our jobs because most of us are going to need to work well into our 70’s. Figuring out what you enjoy and developing a strategy to find a job in which you can indulge it is critical to your overall well being—financial, physical, mental and spiritual.

I can think of few things sadder than to go to work every day only to be counting the seconds until it is over. If you fit this description, I invite you to seriously consider how this is impacting you.

Your highest priority is to figure out how to be happy where you are right now. First take some time to make a list all the things you hate to do. This accomplishes two things: (1) you get it off your chest so you can move on; and (2) you know what to avoid in the future. For example, I hate to do paperwork so you can bet there is no secretarial job in my future.

Next, use the job you have right now as the wonderful opportunity it is for you to identify what you enjoy doing. Do you like putting things in order? That goes on the list. Do you like to plan projects? Again, that goes on the list. Keep your list handy so you can add to it as you make new discoveries and so you can reference it when you are looking for new opportunities.

In my coaching practice, I often work with people who want to make career transitions. Like many of us, these clients ended up in “accidental careers”—they got a job right out of school and in a blink of an eye, twenty years had gone by and they found themselves trapped in an industry they hadn’t consciously chosen. Did that happen to you?

One of my clients is in a financial position to choose carefully what he’s going to do next and yet, it takes a considerable amount of coaching on my part to dissuade him from taking the first position offered in the industry he just left (and hated!)

As we’ve worked together, what has been revealed is that he is a tremendous project manager. He has never held that job title but nonetheless, it is truly his gift. By the way, one way to discover your gift is to respond to the following scenario: think of the last time you were doing something and you completely lost track of time. You looked up from your work and were startled by how much time had gone by. What were you doing?

Do what you can to utilize that gift in your current work or to find work that you can do in the future that will put it to full use.

Maybe it wouldn’t be financially smart to make a change at this point. If there are major retirement benefits that would be sacrificed, that is a huge consideration (just ask my friend Louise!). However, it is NEVER too early to consider what’s next. What career would you have chosen if you had to do it all over again? And why can’t you take steps today to transition into that career when the timing is right? After all, if you’re going to be in your 60’s or 70’s and working, it had better be at something that energizes versus making you more tired.

I’m fortunate to be doing what I want to still be doing when I’m in my 70’s. Take it from me—it’s well worth the struggle for you to do the same.

Download a PDF of this column

You are cordially invited. . .

2008-06-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

I was at a dinner party Saturday night (I just love saying that—it sounds so grown up and sophisticated!). The discussion around the table could have easily kept me rooted in my seat for days. Of all the profound statements I captured in the notebook I keep in my purse, the most intriguing to me was one put forth by my friend Sharon, a brilliant psychologist. We were talking about something she calls relational responsibility which has to do with both parties sharing responsibility for how a relationship occurs. She said a key to success is to ask, “When I interact with this person, who do I invite to come out?”

That falls under the category of “things that make me go hmmmm.”

Have you ever been gossiping to someone about another person who continually gets under your skin? [Aside: notice that we never gossip to someone we think will disagree with us. We fully expect the listener to say, “I know! She’s driving me nuts, too!”] Much to your surprise, your confidante says, “That’s not my experience at all. She’s very pleasant to me.”

That is the Law of Attraction in action. You attract more of what you focus on and, in this case, you can see that by focusing on another’s flaws, they intensify. Focusing on their positive attributes has a similar impact. However, what Sharon talked about Saturday night goes even further. How you choose to interact or respond to another is an invitation. The question is: who are you inviting to come out—the “driving you nuts” person or the pleasant one?

As I travel across the country working with organizations on the topic of employee relations, I hear the same lament: work could be perfect if not for those negative co-workers. How do we deal with them? What they really mean is “How can we fix
them?” A counter-question might be, “what are you doing or not doing that is inviting that negative person to come out?’

Negative Invitation 1A: To avoid confrontation, are you nodding your head as if in agreement, hoping beyond hope that they’ll just go away?

Negative Invitation 2A: When you’re the one in a bad mood, do you seek out negative co-workers knowing they’d be happy to join you in your grouchiness?

Negative Invitation 3A: Do you often ask “what’s wrong?”

One thing to remember about cynicism and negativity is that it’s an indication that someone really cares. I know that sounds counter-intuitive but no one can get that worked up unless they really care about something. Through a positive invitation, you can tap into their caring side and invite that person to come out.

Positive Invitation 1B: Ask: what do you like about that person/situation/work task? If they respond, “Nothing! There is nothing I like!” then try asking, “Well, if there WERE something, what might it be?”

Positive Invitation 2B: I’m in a really bad mood. Can you talk to me about some happy things and help me get into a better one?

Positive Invitation 3B: Ask: “What’s right?” or “What’s good about this?” or “What’s possible?”

When you set the tone of relationships that is called leadership. We tend to think of leadership as a positive attribute but, if you look around you’ll see that there are also leaders in our midst who guide us away from the light rather than toward it. Through the simple practice of relational responsibility, you will discover that you are suddenly surrounded by people you enjoy and you can take deep satisfaction from that. After all, you invited them!

Download a PDF of this column

Movin' on UP!!!

2008-06-12T17:37:00.000-07:00

Acceptance is not surrender, though they are kissing cousins. Surrender usually comes after all possible avenues of escape have been considered and we are exhausted from the fight. Once used almost exclusively during times of war, the word surrender is now routinely used with regard to situations that have more to do with our private battles: addiction, obesity and poverty, to name a few examples.

On the road to surrender, there is always the gentler alternative of acceptance. Acceptance of those circumstances we desperately wish weren’t happening is the first step toward turning things around.

So is surrender; it’s just that acceptance is an easier route to take.

The Law of Attraction says you get more of what you focus on. When you resist circumstances you don’t like, you are causing them to stick to you like glue. The more fiercely you fight, the stickier the Tar Baby.

The moment you take a deep breath and say to yourself, “I may not like this but I accept that it is here and may be here forever,” you begin to loosen its grip. As you begin to figure out ways to live with your reality, you experience relief. The feeling of relief is a signal that you have successfully reversed a downward spiral. Once that happens, you are on the road to different circumstances that will feel much better—your spiral is now moving up.

My friend Rick repairs computers. Frequently, they seem to be getting the best of him and I have seen him so frustrated I was afraid the computer he was working on would be hurled out a window.

Once he learned about the Law of Attraction, Rick decided to use a different tactic. When he got to a point in his work where he just couldn’t figure out the problem, he would assign the job to what he called “the fairies of the Universe.” Right before he went to sleep, he would say into the air, “I can’t figure this out. While I’m sleeping, come up with a solution and let me know what it is when I wake up.”

It never failed—in the morning he would wake up knowing the solution. The act of acceptance caused him to ask for help and he always got what he asked for.

There are those who would argue that he knew the solution all along and all he did was cause it to unbury itself from his subconscious and move into his conscious mind. That may be. Whatever the explanation, finding the solution required him to accept the fact that he couldn’t figure it out for himself. Once he did that, his spiral moved from the downward direction to up and the solution presented itself. The Law of Attraction was at work.

When you think about it, the need for acceptance can sometimes seem pretty silly. “I wish I were 10 years younger,” is nice but wishing won’t make it so unless Genies really do come out of bottles. Whether you accept it or fight it tooth and nail, your age is not going to change. By accepting it as an irrefutable fact, you become open to other possibilities. “Okay, I’m 55 years old; no changing that. What steps can I take to have the energy and outlook of a 45-year old?” Now you’re focused on 45-year old energy instead of fighting 55—in that moment, the Law of Attraction becomes your ally.

Surrender or acceptance—the choice is yours. You may also choose resistance so deep that you leave claw marks. No matter what tactic you use, you still get more of what you focus on. That is both the good news and the bad all rolled up into the Law of Attraction—accept it and move up!

Download a PDF of this column

Waiting for the Whens

2008-06-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

As summer approaches I am reminded of the time-honored tradition of keenly anticipating the end of the school year and the beginning of vacation.

Maybe that’s when the habit of waiting for the whens began.

If I close my eyes, I can easily remember what it felt like as a school girl when the weather got better and better and the last day of school got closer and closer. By then, it was warm enough to keep the classroom windows open and I could hear the buzzing of bees and the sound of distant lawnmowers accompanied by the smell of freshly cut grass. Looking out those windows, it was hard to pay attention to the teacher; I was waiting for summer vacation to begin.

Rather than a distant memory, I realize that this particular brand of restlessness is an all too familiar feeling. Even today, I feel this much more often than I’d care to admit. It seems I am still waiting for the whens.

Waiting for the whens is when you interact with life as if everything is going to work out “when”…

* when my bills are paid off

* when I’ve lost 10 pounds

* when I land the big sale

* when the kids are grown

* when, when, when

Does any of the above sound familiar?

Intellectually, I certainly know better and so do you. Any one of us could present a very strong argument for why we shouldn’t delay the enjoyment of life by waiting for the whens. In fact, when I realized I was doing it, I was embarrassed. After all, I teach that you get more of what you focus on. When you are waiting for the whens the things you are asking for are all in the future. How can they be here now when you are focused on their arriving at some future date?

That’s what I have been doing. I’ve been so excited about what is coming that I haven’t acknowledged what is already here—the very things I was keenly anticipating months ago!

Look at the details of your life. Remember when you couldn’t wait for some of what you have now to happen? You said to yourself, “If I just land this job, everything will be great,” or “When I have my own family, life will be perfect.” We are all enjoying circumstances that were just a pipe dream a few years back and yet, once we have what we asked for, we forget that our petitions were answered because we’re so focused on the new list of desires that have not yet appeared.

Waiting for the whens feels like you are delaying happiness until things line up. Note to self: things ARE lined up; it’s time to wake up and celebrate.

The more you celebrate what you already have, the more quickly desires you have that are not yet fulfilled will show up! That’s because you attract more of what you focus on. When you focus on enjoying what you already have, you end up having even more.

Focusing on future desires is like a dog chasing his own tail. It’s within sight but he can never quite catch up to it!

Even as a child waiting for the whens didn’t work out quite as I’d hoped. By July 4th, I was complaining to my mother that I was B-O-R-E-D. Of course, I only made that mistake once a summer because her reply was always the same, “I’ll give you something to do!” and it was always a chore that was even more B-0-R-I-N-G.

The next time you find yourself waiting for the whens take inventory of your wishes that have been fulfilled. You’ll find that living in the present is loads of fun!

Download a PDF of this column

Comfort vs. Discomfort

2008-05-29T15:18:00.000-07:00

My friend Lucia was very down and it was hard to be around because I care for her so much. She had given up and it didn’t matter what I said or did. So I stopped reminding her of all the reasons she should be happy and all the great things about her life (to which she kept responding, “I know. I know.”). Instead, I made a deliberate and calculated effort to make her mad. I wanted her to get extremely mad.

Let me explain.

Each of us was born with an inner guidance system. It is called by many names: instinct, intuition, soul, even guardian angel. Whatever you call yours, it was designed to let you know where you stand in relation to your desires.

The way your inner guide signals you is through your feelings and, even though we call our feelings by many dramatic names, there are really only two: positive and negative.

This can seem like an abstract concept. We strive to feel good but can get confused by whether an emotion is positive or negative. Anger by definition seems to be negative and yet, doesn’t it sometimes feel good to “let it rip”?

There is a hierarchy to feelings and the way to move up the scale is through doing whatever you can to achieve a feeling of relief from where you are at the moment. This is why getting angry often feels good: that good feeling you experience when you let it all out is a feeling of relief.

The reason I did what I could to tick Lucia off was because of a key distinction between being depressed and feeling angry: when you are down, you feel hopeless. When you get angry, you feel as if you have some power. And once you move from feeling down to feeling angry, you are going in the right direction.

Let’s lay our cards on the table for a moment: if our only choice was between people who are depressed and people who are angry, we’d rather be around those who are feeling low. After all, they are much more manageable. We know they’re unlikely to do anything that might cause problems. People who are angry pose more of a threat because they are very likely to take action. And yet, if you have people in your life who are down, it would be a great idea to pray that they get angry.

Of course you don’t want them to stay angry. It’s simply one step on the stairs that eventually lead to feeling good. But before you can feel good, you must feel better. In Seven Steps to Spiritual Success Deepak Chopra describes these feelings of guidance as comfort versus discomfort.

Anger feels less discomforting than depression. Frustration is less discomforting than anger. Impatience feels better than frustration. As the King of Siam once said, “Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.”

The reverse is true, as well. Unless there is a catastrophe, we don’t go from feeling good to feeling terrible in one step. There are steps. You wake up in the morning feeling great. Then you react to traffic on the freeway. You still feel good but not great. Then you get to the office and discover there’s no coffee available. And without planning to, you find yourself on the stairway down to feeling awful. Anywhere along the journey, if you do something to feel more comfortable, you immediately reverse the journey and find yourself going up instead of down.

Chopra tells us to pay attention to the signals. Are you feeling comfort or discomfort? Discomfort is a signal that you are travelling down the stairs and may end up in the basement. When you feel comfort, you are travelling up the stairs toward the heavens.

So don’t try and figure out whether you are feeling positive or negative emotions. Simply take the most comforting next step. I promise, even if it’s anger, it will automatically take you in the right direction. .

Download a PDF of this column

The Fix is In

2008-05-22T16:50:00.000-07:00

All my life I have wanted to solve my own problems by fixing the problems of others. It’s always been much easier to see what they need to do. I fantasized that, as I went about my altruistic duties of healing the world, I would magically transform into Saint Silver, perfect in my ability to lead an exemplary life. Much to my dismay, this seemingly foolproof plan has not worked.

Clearly the formula is flawed…or is it?

In the midst of begrudgingly admitting that spending energy on the problems of others was merely a way to avoid looking at my own, I realized that there is a major advantage to doing so (although the profit is mine alone; the other person certainly doesn’t benefit).

When you start itching to give “helpful” advice OR start obsessing about someone else’s behavior you have stumbled upon a simple and quick way to uncover something in you that needs to be resolved.

To be completely blunt about it, what we judge harshly, we fear that we are.

• If you question another’s skills or intelligence, it’s because you’re
insecure about your own;

• When you criticize the appearance of someone, you fear you don’t look good;

• Getting angry when someone doesn’t do enough is a reflection of a
self-assessment that you don’t either.

We do this every day. We continually judge and evaluate, all in an attempt to comfort ourselves that although we may not be perfect, we’re not that bad!

Where this shows up most blatantly is in how we treat children. When I was a child my father used to say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” He was very clear that he was the adult and therefore got to do what he wanted and that I was the child and needed to bend to his will. If you grew up in a similar household, you were probably determined not to treat your own children this way. We don’t say the hypocritical words but we model the behavior.

• We tell our children they should be dedicated to their goals while they watch
us consistently sabotage our own;

• We caution them that decisions they make today will impact the rest of their
lives but pay no attention to the decisions we’re making that will do the
same for us;

• We want our children to have a positive attitude while we’re complaining
about everything in sight.

I use this example about children because it’s so clearly obvious when we are being hypocritical with them. Truthfully, we exhibit this behavior in nearly all our relationships—do as I say, not as I do.

The Law of Attraction says that you attract more of what you focus on. The more you focus on the flaws of others—adult or child—the more you’ll become keenly aware of these same attributes in you. The way to transform these flaws is to remove your focus from what you don’t want and put it squarely on what you do.

If you want your child, for example, to become dedicated to their goals, show them what it looks like by becoming committed to yours. The more you work on the solution yourself, the more likely you are to attract the same behavior in others.

Ultimately, you can “fix” no one but yourself but do not underplay the power of influence. The more you adopt the behaviors you want to see in others, the more you will attract them around you.

You still won’t be a saint but life will seem more heavenly.

Download a PDF of this column

The Match Game

2008-05-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

There is really only one thing I teach—how to harness The Law of Attraction to full advantage. Simply stated, this universal principle says, “You get what you focus on,” or, stated another way, “You attract what you are.”

Since you attract what you are, you can see why there may be things or circumstances you want that aren’t coming to you:

 You cannot attract a promotion when you are feeling unappreciated

 You cannot attract a raise when you are feeling strapped for cash

 You cannot attract work you enjoy when you are complaining (to
others or to yourself) about the work you are doing

You cannot attract anything until you and it are “a match”.

Think of life as The Match Game. If you are old enough to remember that TV game show (or you’ve played it at home yourself), then you know that the object of the game is to match identical items to one another. The more you match, the more you win. The same is true in life as long as you match what you want. Unfortunately, most of us spend our time unconsciously matching what we do not want and end up feeling like we’ve lost.

I say unconsciously matching because I’ve been observing my own Match Game for years now and lately I’ve begun to notice just how subtly I begin to focus on things I don’t want without even noticing that I’m doing it. For example, when I judge people or situations I don’t approve of, my attention to them is attracting them to me.

For example, last week I made an observation about my friend Maude (not her real name, of course) which prompted me to think, “I can’t believe how difficult she makes things for herself. I wish she could figure out a simple way to get the results she wants.” The rest of the day, everything I touched seemed to have an unanticipated problem. Suddenly, I was complicating everything—and it was because I had made myself a match to what I’d judged in Maude.

As my mentor, Esther Hicks says, “The formula for creating what you want is simple: Identify the desire and then vibrationally match it.”

If you can’t match it by observation, then you must match it through imagination. For example, if a co-worker is behaving in a way you don’t like, then you obviously cannot observe in her the behavior you want; it’s not there You must develop a picture in your mind of what it would look like if she started to behave the way you want. It would be useful to find someone else who IS behaving the way you want and use that observation to further develop the picture in your mind.

Until you can fully visualize the desired behavior and STOP observing the opposite, she will never act the way you want—it is not a match. In the Match Game it would be like flipping over a card that has a frowning face on it and trying to match it with a smiling face. It’s not a match and never will be. No matter how much you criticize the frowning card, or tell other people how much you wish the frowning card would change—the frowning card is not going to turn into a smiling card. Put your attention on the smiling card and look for the other cards that match it.

Let me tell you how to be a big winner in The Match Game every day. Don’t worry at all about what you’re thinking or saying. Simply pay attention to how you are feeling.

When you feel satisfaction, happiness, joy or any positive emotion, you are automatically a match to anything else that would make you feel that way. The more you focus on being happy, the more what you want is a match. Would that new project at work make you happy? Then work on creating that feeling of happiness now and you will be a match to it. Would getting your work completed make you happy? Then work on creating in yourself what it would feel like to already be there and you will get there naturally—it’s a match!

The Match Game—with your host, The Law of Attraction!

Download a PDF of this column

Your Search Engine

2008-05-08T20:51:00.000-07:00

When you employ the Law of Attraction as a tool, it delivers life to you on your terms. In order to best understand how it works, think of it as your own personal search engine.

Search engines on the internet (Google or Yahoo Search, for example) do not recognize the word “no,” as a delimiter. Let’s say you are interested in finding all the resources available on the internet for how to deal with difficult customers. If you type in the words ‘no difficult customers,’ what will show up on your computer screen is page after page of information and stories about difficult customers. You don’t need information about difficult customers; you already have more data (alas, from firsthand experience) than you care to possess.

What do you really want? You want information about ‘satisfied customers’ or ‘happy customers.’ If you type in those exact phrases, you will find the information you seek.

Your search engine works the same way. When you pay attention to something, you are giving the Law of Attraction instructions to go and find it and bring it back to you. And, like any good search engine, it gives you exactly what you asked for; it does not recognize the word ‘no.’ Yet how many of us spend endless hours, days, and years trying to get what we want by focusing on and trying to push away what we do NOT want; those things we are saying, “No!” to.

You cannot attract wellness by saying no to illness. You cannot attract prosperity by pushing away poverty. In short, you cannot attract what you want by focusing on what you don’t want. It simply cannot be. You get what you focus on—every time.

Think about things in your life that you want that are not coming to you. When you think of them, are you focused on how great it would feel to have them, or how awful it feels NOT having them? When you are saying “no” to anything—a boss you don’t like, a project that’s driving you crazy or the dust coming out of that part of your wallet where the money should be—you are literally putting in a request for more of the same.

Law of Attraction delivers everything we ask for. But we mistakenly think that the way to make requests is through the words we speak. This is where we get tripped up.

The way you ask for something is through your attention to it. Whatever it is that captures your attention, you are literally sending out the following request: “More of this please.” The more intensely you focus on it, the more of it arrives. It’s like impatiently pushing the enter button on your computer and suddenly seeing on your monitor fifteen copies of the same webpage.

Thus, if you are focused on something you really LOVE and what you love about it, it comes to you fast. If you focus on how much you HATE something, it, too, comes to you fast.

This is why people who are joyfully passionate get positive results very quickly. On the flip side, people who are intensely cynical or angry also get results very quickly—only the results are the opposite of what they truly want.

Try this exercise: sit down with a piece of paper and write down what you want your Universal Search Engine to bring to you. Make sure you phrase it exactly and remember Law of Attraction does not recognize the word ‘no’. Once you’ve clearly defined what you want, close your eyes and envision what it would feel like to have it. Make your vision so real that you experience the extreme happiness of having it.

Open your eyes. Go and pet your cat, listen to your favorite music, or play with your kids. And look for signs that what you asked for is coming—because it is!

Happy searching!

Download a PDF of this column

Pain as a Signal

2008-05-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

My knee has been giving me problems (an old ski injury—further evidence that exercise is bad for you). Jokes aside, I’ve noticed that it also impacted other areas of my body. Not only was my knee stiff and sore but my ankle and hip on that same side hurt because they had to work harder to compensate for the problem knee.

It’s easy to notice pain spreading when it’s your body; it’s not so obvious when it’s negative emotions that are spreading.

We have far less tolerance for physical pain than we do emotional which is a shame. If we were as diligent about caring for our emotional aches as we are the physical ones, we’d have less of both.

The Law of Attraction says, “You get more of what you focus on.” We are not always aware that we are focused on something that is causing us distress. This is why your inner guidance system is so handy to have. The way it guides you is through your emotions and the system is brilliant in its simplicity.

When you are experiencing a negative emotion, it is your inner guide signaling, “If you stay focused where you’re focused, you are NOT going to like what you attract.” For example, the more I focused with annoyance on the pain in my knee the worse it seemed to get.

By contrast, when you are experiencing a positive emotion, it is your inner guide signaling, “If you stay focused where you are focused, you are really going to like what you attract.” The more I focused on the solution (resting my leg, using an icepack, etc.) and the more I paid attention to the 85% of my body that felt good, the less my knee hurt.

We don’t do this when we experience emotional pain. Instead of looking for solutions for our distress, we very often do everything in our power to make it worse.

Think of the last time you were incredibly frustrated. This is the usual scenario: First, there is a temper tantrum. Maybe there is no actual stamping of feet but there is most certainly pouting (sometimes cleverly disguised by throwing or slamming things). Following the tantrum is the pity party where some version of “poor me” is focused on, fully indulging the Inner Martyr that resides within. Then comes the spreading of the virus. Friends and co-workers are told the story and usually called upon to vote on how awful the situation is. If no friends are within earshot, perfect strangers will do. We regale the clerk at the local convenience store with our troubles, desperate for someone to know how we’ve suffered.

And the more we focus on our frustration, the more the pain spreads. What started out as a minor annoyance, we manage to turn into a full blown saga. Soap operas dull in comparison!

If you experience negative emotion and you ignore it—don’t worry, it will get bigger. It will continue to grow until it’s finally big enough that you HAVE to do something about it or until you go to sleep, whichever comes first.

Treat emotional pain like you do physical. Pay attention! If you have a headache, you generally take some sort of pain reliever. Relief is easier and quicker for the pain of negative emotion. The quickest way to release the pain is to focus on something guaranteed to evoke a positive emotion. Concentrating on something that makes you feel good is more powerful than any medication.

Pain is there for a reason. It signals us that something is wrong. For physical pain, go to a doctor. Make sure you’re okay. Do no less for emotional pain. Pay attention to what is being signaled and treat it as soon as possible. You DO get more of what you focus on. Choose wisely.

Download a PDF of this column

Your Winning Work Style

2008-04-23T12:27:00.000-07:00

By now, you have probably gleaned that the columns I write are usually aimed in my own direction. I am a living example of the credo, “We teach what we most need to learn.”

This week I’m asking myself: Why am I not getting more done? Why aren’t I further ahead?

I’ve noticed that, even when I have plenty of time to complete an important project, I keep busy with other things until I’m up against the stress of a deadline.

Are you my opposite—one of those souls I envy so much who is systematic in your approach, someone who “plans the work and works the plan?” Do you even (gasp!) get work done ahead of schedule?

For many years I attempted to bully myself into developing a more methodical approach to work. Well-meaning souls (you planners out there) have tried to turn me into someone who does one thing at a time. If all it took was willingness and willpower, believe me, I’d have been there long ago.

It turns out my approach to work is the most efficient and energizing for me. When I get tired and discouraged, it’s because I think I need to be different. Trying to turn me into a methodical worker would be like trying to turn the hare into the turtle.

I went online and took a simple and relatively inexpensive test called The Kolbe Index (http://www.Kolbe.com) which reveals your preferred style of working. I’ve taken and given lots of assessment tools in my work. Each focuses on different aspects of personality. What I like about the Kolbe is that it provided me with an important key: if I want to be successful, I HAVE to work my way or I’ll shrivel up. I need to have a lot of plates spinning at once. I require that my projects be out where I can see them, instead of tucked away neatly into a drawer. And when I try to force myself to be more systematic, finishing one thing before moving onto another, I get blue.

When you validate your work style, it provides you with an opportunity to figure out how to be more productive. For example, one of the tips Kolbe provided was to start my day with something I can dive into immediately. If I have to gather information or tools before I start work, I deflate. That made sense to me so now, instead of starting my day by making a “to do” list, I now make my list the night before so in the morning, I can hit the ground running.

My mission in life is for everyone to find work that they love. Discovering and empowering your own work style is a solid step in that direction. The more you work in whatever your natural style is, the more you will enjoy what you are doing and the more successful you’ll be. Even if you’re not in the career you want, practicing your natural work style will help you to eventually end up where you want to be because successful people have choices.

If you don’t want to pay for an assessment tool, do some self-analysis.

• When did you last get lost in your work, surprised when you looked at the clock and realized hours had flown by? What was your method of working during that time?

• When you’re working against a deadline, what do you know to do that guarantees you will reach it?

• Do you need your desk cleared of distractions or is it important that your projects be out where you can see them?

The more you take the time to analyze what your Winning Work Style is, the better you will enjoy your job (as well as your personal projects) and the more productive you will be.

The Law of Attraction says you attract more of what you focus on. Focus on using your Winning Work Style as often as possible and watch how often you win!

Download a PDF of this column

Burgers Anyone?

2008-04-17T13:34:00.000-07:00

According to a recent article in the Wall Street Journal, two-thirds of Americans would take the same job again "without hesitation." So why are we continually hearing about surveys that point to workplace dissatisfaction? It turns out that people aren’t dissatisfied with their jobs or their paychecks. What’s driving them to dissatisfaction, according to the same article by Jared Sandberg, is “a small but disproportionately powerful amount of office inanity.”

Robert Kriegel wrote a whole book about office inanities—those ridiculous rules and processes that have outlasted whatever usefulness they once had but are still being strictly applied. He called it Sacred Cows Make the Best Burgers.

Employees love to hate sacred cows. While they can drive you to pull your hair out in frustration, they are also fun to talk about. It’s a time-honored workplace tradition to gossip about work that appears to be pointless, rolling our eyes at “them” (those higher ups who came up with the tasks). Senseless tasks are easy to spot when you look around. They are less obvious when you are the one who is blindly doing them or (gasp!) the one who actually created them.

Sacred cows don’t just suddenly appear one day. There is always at least one person behind them—oftentimes it is a worker just like you who developed a procedure that, at the time, was the most efficient way to perform a particular task.

I don’t have a magic formula to erase the sacred cows that may be rampant within your organization. I do know, however, how you can eliminate a few that are bothering you: take a fresh look at the way you do your job. As you look anew at the way you fulfill your duties, make a list of procedures you’ve identified as sacred cows. Are there reports you produce that no one reads? Are you still gathering people in a room for a meeting when a quick phone conference would be better? Are you making paper copies even though you now have the ability to file things electronically?

There is an old bumper sticker that you can still spot on some cars. It says, “Question Authority.” I would add this caveat—especially your own.

Law of Attraction says “you get more of what you focus on.” Unless you take a look at ways to streamline your job, how can you expect your organization to do it? You ARE the organization. We often forget that.

As you consider each item on your list of sacred cows, ask yourself, “Do I have any control over this?” If the answer is “no,” then put those items on a separate list and set it aside. After you clean up the ones you DO have control over, you may want to return to that other list and approach whoever does have control to see if they’ll work with you to eliminate them.

Admittedly, there are things at work and yes, at home that frustrate us. The trick is to use your focus to concentrate on the ones you can do something about. As you focus on solutions, you’ll be surprised how those around you begin to do the same. Such is the power of the Law of Attraction.

Download a PDF of this column

Feed the Fever

2008-04-09T17:19:00.000-07:00

The Law of Attraction says, “You draw to you more of what you focus on.” Although you can do this at any time, regardless of your environment, it is so much easier in the Spring when you are surrounded with evidence that life is spectacularly abundant.

As you see the Earth start to awaken and burst forth with shoots of life, use the opportunity to feel yourself stirring to the possibility of what lies ahead. New Year’s resolutions are difficult because they are made in the dead of winter when so much of nature is sound asleep. The Spring is the best time to plan for your own personal growth because that’s when renewal begins.

We’ve all heard the expression, “Take time to smell the roses.” This is an excellent time to begin. The more you enjoy whatever your version of smell the roses is, the more you will be attracting to you all the things that are a match to that wondrous feeling.

What will be your new growth this year? What are the branches you’d like to add to your tree of life? Springtime is a time of revitalization and growth and it impacts us all, often in the form of Spring Fever—that feeling of restlessness which, at its very core, is a desire for growth. Just as each plant stretches toward the sun, so your own body, mind and soul stretch upward seeking adventures that will cause you to grow.

Use the splendor Mother Nature provides to nourish you on your journey. Pay attention to how you feel and the new growth within you. What urges are coming alive? What is stirring? What do you yearn for?

• Do you feel like singing?

• Does your body want to dance, walk, run, swim?

• Are you feeling warmer toward those people around you?

• Do you want to start a project?

Whatever is stirring, indulge it. Feed it your own special brand of plant food so it can continue to grow.

Ours is a fast-paced society and we often don’t take the time to listen to the messenger within that is trying to get our attention. The way it gets your attention is through your emotions. When you are experiencing negative emotions, the message is, “If you stay focused where you are focused, you are not going to like what you attract.” Conversely, when you are feeling good, it is saying to you, “You’re on the right track. Keep going. Everything you want is on its way.” The more you nurture that feeling, the faster what you want comes to you. It’s a beautiful system.

Mastery comes when you can focus on what you want and what makes you happy even when everything around you is bleak. However, until you get to Mastery, use the Spring and all its gifts to focus on the beauty and promise around you. In truth, Masters are smart enough to take this shortcut, why not you?

Don’t starve Spring fever—feed it. The more you do, the more you will be rewarded in ways you have only dreamed of.

Download a PDF of this column

Scanning for Things to Enjoy

2008-04-03T20:18:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful, crisp day in New England and I was out for a drive with my dear childhood friends, Helen and Bob, who have been married a few years shy of forever and still have that spark between them. (Of course, it’s New England – it COULD simply be static electricity!)

I noticed Bob doing something that is close to perfection whenever you want to harness the benefits of the Law of Attraction.

As we drove along, he would point things out for us to appreciate. “That’s a great car,” he said, pointing out a model I’d not seen before. “Look at that interesting rock formation,” he’d say, his attention focused to the left. Then he loudly proclaimed, “What a fantastic day this is!” beaming with pleasure.

As I sat in the back, basking in the warmth of good company and the beautiful sights outside the windows, it occurred to me that Bob was inadvertently teaching me a great tool that I can pass along.

Remember those fun scavenger hunts we participated in as children? Some of us have even been on a few as adults. I remember one in New Orleans several years ago, staged as an event for a conference I was attending.

You can make a scavenger hunt a fun part of your day. Instead of looking for specific items from a list, begin looking for things to appreciate.

You cannot appreciate and be in a negative mood at the same time. It is impossible. Therefore, as you hunt for things to appreciate in your day, you will automatically be putting yourself into a better mood. And the better it gets, the better it gets! That’s the great thing about the Law of Attraction. The more focus that is applied, the more you attract what you’re focused on!

Let’s say you’re reading these words as you sit in your office. Take a moment to look around. What is there for you to appreciate?

I’m guessing there are things in your office that you once placed there because you wanted them nearby as you worked. You knew they would give you pleasure. Have they become invisible to you? When is the last time you even noticed them?

Are there pictures you once loved? Look at them again carefully. Remember why you wanted them there and enjoy them anew.

Do you have a computer that works well? Does it make your life easier?

Do you have a comfortable chair? A good desk? Do you have a window to look out of?

Is the temperature in the room comfortable, especially compared to what’s outside?

Reverse the complaining that most of us indulge in. Stop playing “bottom this” – a game wherein you prove to your opponents that your circumstances are much worse then theirs. Play instead the “top this” game. In this game, you win by finding the most things to appreciate about your life. And the coolest thing about this game is that there are no opponents. You can play by yourself and win every time! It’s fixed!

If, as my friend Bob did, you can “drive” through the corridors of your life with your eyes wide open, looking for things that surprise and delight you; you will find that your life is glorious. You can make it even better by sharing what you find with others.

A word of caution: if you are sharing “neat stuff” with others in an attempt to somehow “fix” them, then it’s not going to work. We’ve all been in a situation where a friend or colleague tries to jolly us out of a bad mood by pointing out all that we have to be grateful for. Didn’t you want to stomp on his foot? Or poke him in the ribs just hard enough to take a little wind out of his sails? Wickedly, you thought, “Let’s see how good his mood would be after I did THAT!”

Instead, share for the sole purpose of expressing joy. Share because you’re so excited about things that you can’t stand not to. And don’t make your mood dependent on anyone else’s reaction.

Scan for things and people to enjoy today. Make it a way of life. You’ll be glad you did, I promise.

Download a PDF of this column

If I Won the Lottery

2008-03-26T20:18:00.000-07:00

I have a teacher who is always saying, “If you could take money out of the equation, what would you do?” I’ve never been able to wrap my brain around that concept, particularly on the first day of the month when bills are due. I HAVE, however, been able to engage my mind with the question, “What would you do if you won the lottery?” That’s not taking money out of the equation; it’s putting a whole lot of it IN so money is no longer a driving force behind decisions.

What would you do if you won the lottery? Over the next few days, carry a small notebook with you and jot down things as they come.

My list includes:

1. Write uplifting novels

2. Host lots of gatherings in my home

3. Take elective courses at some of the top universities

4. Do more pro bono speaking, particularly to youth groups

5. Get into shape by working with a personal trainer

6. Spend a month in a foreign country

7. Live by a river or brook

8. Give more to charity

9. Regularly listen to live music

10. Spend more quality time with my kids and grandkids

What’s important about this exercise is that it causes you to focus and to dream. As you make your own list, you may discover, as I have, that most of the items on it are possible to do without spending a lot of money. We use the conversation called, “I don’t have enough money,” to stop us from doing what thrills us to our very core. Don’t you find that sad? We are surrounded by a vast ocean of delightful experiences to dip into and we spend endless hours in front of our TVs or computers. And we wonder why we feel unfulfilled.

All this deep pondering came as a result of seeing the film August Rush (which I highly recommend). The movie is about an 11-year old boy who was orphaned at birth and is discovered to be a musical prodigy. As I watched the joy music gave this child, it made me yearn for something similar. I found myself wanting to discover what might flood my face with such happiness.

You see, I don’t really care about winning the lottery. (Don’t get me wrong; I wouldn’t mind it.) I think that when we dream of winning millions, there is a subtext. What it’s really about is the strong desire to find our passion. And there are people with billions who haven’t done so and those with pennies who have.

Making a list of what you would do if you won the lottery will help you to identify your passion. As I looked at my list (and it’s longer than what I’ve shared with you), I’ve re-discovered that my passion is learning and then teaching what I’ve learned. Whenever I “catch fire” about something, it almost always centers on an idea that has captured my imagination. And once that happens, I cannot wait to share with others.

You’ll note I said, “re-discover.” Sometimes we forget what we are passionate about. Those hours in front of the TV and computer are spirit-numbing and we lose our way. Numb was what I was feeling when I watched August Rush. It turns out I hadn’t lost my passion but the awareness of what it is. This wonderful movie helped guide me back. That is the Law of Attraction at work. You get what you focus on and as I focused on the question, “What is my passion?” the answers came quickly, albeit not directly. They came in the form of a friend reminding me of the benefit of writing first thing in the morning or another friend saying the words, “Have faith.”

Re-discover your passion. I’m certain it’s been there the whole time patiently waiting for you to return.

Download a PDF of this column

Shaping Your Life

2008-03-20T19:57:00.000-07:00

I’m in Tempe, home to Arizona State University, in a coffee shop surrounded by people from college students to senior citizens and the full gamut in between.

As I peer into the faces of the college students, they seem so much more alive than the rest of us. Perhaps they are full of hopes and dreams. That would certainly be my desire for them—that they enthusiastically embrace where they are and where they are going.

How can we do the same? No matter your age, you have something in common with youth: your future lies ahead of you and it has the potential to be equally glorious.

"Never let your memories be greater than your dreams."
Doug Ivester

We all know people who seem to have peaked in high school or college. They have memorized the words to Bruce Springsteen’s song Glory Days; it is their anthem. Is that you?

Maybe you also know some folks whose lives get better and better, no matter the age. If you’re lucky, you are one of them. These wise souls have mastered the Law of Attraction. Rather than focusing on what they have lost as time progresses, they pay attention instead to what they’ve gained. For example, you may not work as fast as some of your younger colleagues but you know the shortcuts. You may not have the same level of energy but you don’t need it because you know how to work smarter.

What dreams do you still have that are left undone? Who do you want to be? It is never too late to reinvent yourself. Whether you are twenty or 100 you have the power to decide, “This is who I want to be.” Making the decision is like planting a lightning rod that attracts the people and circumstances you need to reach your goal.

Your life is a work of art very similar to a sculpture. Imagine you face a large amount of clay in front of you. This represents what’s available to you in your life. As you progress (some call it aging), pieces of the clay start to disappear. Some pieces you proactively removed through the choices you made along the way; dreams you decided not to pursue. Some pieces got knocked off by external forces you could not control. New pieces of clay get added on when you focus on new dreams. But the sculpture is not done until the day you die. Between now and then, you can shape your life into anything you desire through your focus. You will have to work around those pieces over which you have no control but that is your artistry. That’s the uniqueness you bring that makes this your sculpture and not someone else’s.

We all enjoy stories of people who have triumphed over difficult circumstances to achieve their dreams. The only difference between them and you is that they have already done it; you can be on your way to achieving your dreams within the hour. It merely requires a decision. Once made, you will be reshaping your sculpture to represent the life you want instead of the default life most settle for.

When you are working on achieving your dreams, you will have that same fresh look I see around me today. It is a look of anticipation. It is a look that says, “I’m not sure how this is going to turn out but I’m willing to go for it.”

It is the look of artists as they gaze at the clay and excitedly wonder what beauty lies within.

Happy shaping!

Download a PDF of this column

Focus: Your Super Power

2008-03-12T20:33:00.000-07:00

There is a force at play in your life called the Law of Attraction dictating that you get more of what you focus on. As with anything, this can be a gift or a curse depending on what you do with it.

A wonderful example of people using focus to their advantage are hospice workers—gentle souls whose job is to help those who are dying do so with dignity and as little pain as possible. Some of you are thinking, “That must be so depressing.” Most hospice workers don’t think so. It may surprise you to know that some of the happiest folks you’ll ever meet do this kind of work every day and consider it a gift. Some are even volunteers who show up in spite of lack of pay.

How can that be? The workers who thrive in the hospice environment have learned to control what they focus on. They understand the problem—that death comes to us all. They choose to focus instead on the solution—making this inevitable journey as easy as possible for patients and their families.

There are circumstances in your life that are just as inevitable as death—if you’re missing a leg, for example, you are not going to grow another. If you don’t have a propensity for math, you probably won’t develop one and, if you were born in 1953, all the grumpiness in the world won’t make you a Gen-Xer—you’re a Baby Boomer! Accept it! And yet, we persist in getting upset about things over which we have absolutely no control; none. If you doubt me, watch what happens the next time there is extreme weather. People all around you will react as if it someone planned it specifically to inconvenience them.

On what are you choosing to focus? Check in right now with your body. Are you tense and stressed out? Figure out what you’re focused on—the problem that is causing these negative feelings. Once you’ve figured out what’s at the heart of the matter, then figure out what you’d rather focus on—the solution.

Like those hospice workers, what we all share in common is the ability to choose how and where we focus—on the problem or the solution. Put your full attention on the solution and watch the magic happen.

Think about it. What percentage of your co-workers do you really enjoy working with? 70%? 85? 98? And yet, the majority of your attention is paid to that one worker who drives you crazy. Not only do you waste precious time from your work day plotting her demise, you recruit others into your campaign (“Isn’t she a witch?”) As if that weren’t enough, you bring her home to share with your family over the dinner table. If your family went with you to a company picnic, hers would be the name they instantly recognize.

You probably have a co-worker you thoroughly enjoy working with and to whom you are close. Does your family know his name? In other words, do you talk about the good times or only complain about the bad?

Here’s the truly tragic part—we whine and complain about these negative experiences as a means of getting closer to those we love when in reality, it’s one of the worst things we could do to them. You are feeding them poison—not enough to kill them, only enough to make them as uncomfortable as you are.

This dynamic brings new meaning to the phrase, “Misery loves company.”

Sharing your negative experiences is an invitation for others to join you in focusing on the negative (after all, they don’t want to be rude by walking away!) The more they “go there” with you, the more you are helping them to attract other negativity into their lives. Santa Claus you ain’t!

Make it your practice to share triumphs with those you care about, including that good looking person you see in the mirror! The more you practice focusing on solutions, the more quickly things will be resolved in your life. Wouldn’t you rather use your super power for good rather than evil?

Download a PDF of this column

Your Body of Work

2008-03-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

It’s easy sometimes to think, “Where am I? What have I accomplished?” We look at what others have done, compare ourselves and come up lacking.

Let’s consider your body of work. This term is one we are comfortable with related to creative people: writers, musicians, photographers and artists all have portfolios in which they proudly showcase their bodies of work. Even though you may not neatly display yours in a portfolio, it’s time to consider what would be in there if you did.

What caused me to ponder this topic was a recent visit with my brother Michael’s teenage children whom I stayed with while their parents went to Hawaii for their 20th anniversary. When I arrived, I didn’t know my niece and nephew as well as I would have liked. Sporadic visits over the years while you’re raising your own children results in spotty familiarity. However, by the time my brother and his wife returned, I was able to say with conviction, “You have raised two very nice kids. Great job!”

Those children are a part of their parents’ body of work and can be displayed proudly. They have been shaped just as surely as a sculptor shapes clay.

What accomplishments would you include in your body of work? When I look around I see you out there doing things like:

• Providing excellent customer service even when you don’t feel like it

• Doing a good job at work when no one is looking

• Keeping educated

• Living on your own despite disabilities

• Being a good parent

• Making the world around you cleaner, neater and/or prettier

• Buying a home or a car on your own

• Taking care of your elderly parents

• Doing volunteer work for a variety of wonderful causes

• Mentoring others to do their best and build their self-esteem

• Giving a hand to friends in need

• Keeping others calm in the midst of crises

• Lending your shoulder when someone needs a good cry

• Voting

• Paying your taxes

• Sending cards and letters and emails that make others feel good

• Extending kindness to strangers

The list could take up a year’s worth of my columns. The point is that your body of work is both important and extensive.

As for that portfolio, I recommend purchasing one and using it. It could be a scrapbook or a notebook or one of those picture albums with sleeves you can slip things into. I’m shopping for mine today and after dinner tonight will be working on it while my closest friend works on hers. What a fun way to quantify one’s body of work (and what a wonderful project to do with your kids or spouse or friends).

Having a portfolio is a powerful way to utilize the Law of Attraction. You get what you focus on so label it “My Body of Work” and keep it close by. Pull it out to review on those days you need a boost or simply want to remember. As you focus on the work you’ve done so far, you will be attracting more of the same. Imagine how much you could add to your body of work with very little effort.

Remember, you get what you focus on. Your body of work is a great place to start.

Download a PDF of this column