Silver Speaks

Hocus-Pocus; Where's Your Focus?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 02:27:00 +0000

One of the abilities to deteriorate under the impact of stress is one’s capacity to focus clearly. The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. In the absence of a clear focus, what you attract is a mixed bag, which creates even more stress because it makes you feel like you’re on a very fast train going nowhere.

In his groundbreaking and incredibly useful book Change Your Brain; Change Your Life, psychiatrist Daniel Amen teaches that the prefrontal cortex, the most evolved part of the human brain, is essential in helping us reach our goals. It is involved with some pretty critical jobs including concentration, attention span, judgment, impulse control, and critical thinking. One of the reasons I like this book is that Dr. Amen provides very practical solutions to problems like “inability to focus.” The “prescriptions” he writes are not those you go to the pharmacy to get filled –they are things you can do for yourself that will net small results pretty quickly and big results over time.

One of my favorite Amen prescriptions for becoming more focused is, “Focus on what you like a lot more than what you don’t like.” He goes on to say, “Focusing on what you like about your life and what you like about others is a powerful way to keep your prefrontal cortex healthy.”

The need for this is most clear when you think about relationships. Let’s say you have ten co-workers that you spend a lot of time with during your workweek. Nine of them are people you like very much and look forward to seeing each day. But there is this one ______ (fill in the blank—idiot, jerk, troublemaker, slacker—you know the label you use as a descriptor). For this article, we will call this person The Jerk. Who is it that you give most of your attention to? Who do you keep a careful eye on all day? Who do you most discuss with others in the company? Who do you talk about when you go home? The nine people you like so much? Of course not! Your mind is much too preoccupied with The Jerk!

The more attention you give to The Jerk, the more difficult it is for you to focus on anything else because you are actually doing damage to your prefrontal cortex! As Dr. Amen puts it, “Focusing on the negative aspects of others or of your own life makes you more vulnerable to depression and can damage your relationships.”

I get excited about all this brain research because, when I first started talking about the Law of Attraction thirteen years ago, many people felt it was just more “touchy-feely” nonsense. Intuitively, I knew that wasn’t true. Changing my focus from dwelling on the negative to looking for the positive was a critical component in my recovery from depression and alcoholism. Over the years I’ve witnessed similar results in others.

Because a healthy prefrontal cortex is essential in helping you achieve your goals, then it makes total sense that, when you are miserable, you are not attracting what you want into your life because your ability to achieve your goals is hindered.
Interestingly, Dr. Amen writes that, “People with prefrontal cortex challenges, especially people with ADD, tend to be conflict-driven as a way to ‘turn on’ prefrontal cortex activity. Unfortunately, this behavior has many negative side effects, especially on relationships and immune system functioning.”

The result of proactively inviting conflict into one’s life can only be more conflict. You get more of what you focus on. Before I started to deliberately apply the Law of Attraction to my life, I found myself in many conflict-filled situations in which I felt like a victim. Now that I take full responsibility for all that happens to me, I no longer attract those situations. Don’t get me wrong. There are many occasions when I want to blame someone else for a circumstance I don’t like but ultimately, when I look at my part in what happens to me, I see that I attracted it. And when I see how I did so, I can adjust my focus and my behavior to correct the situation.

I strongly encourage you to check out Dr. Amen’s website http://www.amenclinics.com/. He has many free tools including videos, tests and articles that can help with any issues you or a loved one might be faced with or would like to avoid in the future.

The best thing to remember is that you get more of what you focus on so, if you want to change your life, change your focus!

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noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 17:59:00 +0000

In a Success Magazine article entitled Goal-Setting Doesn’t Work, Darren Hardy wrote that setting a goal is only part of what we need to do to attract what we want from life. Once a goal is set, we need to ask, “What kind of a person do I need to be to achieve that goal?”

Let’s say you want a promotion at work. Asking Hardy’s question will take you so much further and quickly. What kind of a person do you need to be to get that promotion?

• How would that person feel?
• How would that person act?
• How would that person look?
• How would that person interact with co-workers and/or clients?

You might, for example, need to be the type of person who:

• Imagines what it would feel like to have the promotion. Once you know that feeling, make sure you feel that way as you move through your days toward your new role.
• Has the self-confidence of someone who would be promoted into that position.
• Looks the part—you dress the way someone who already has the promotion would.
• Works the number of hours that someone in that role would.
• Does everything you can to learn about the new job because you know it’s coming.
• Doesn’t get involved in petty gossip at work.
• Gives the majority of your attention to what you’re doing versus what other people are or are not doing.

Oftentimes this is called “acting as if” but it’s deeper than that. It’s actually “being as if,” i.e., adopting the feelings you know you’ll have when you receive the promotion.

Joy has been (ironically, given her name) adrift in negativity since her divorce over a year ago. She came to me for some coaching so I asked her, “How do you want to feel?” She replied, “I want to wake up singing.” I replied, “That’s simple! You will wake up singing when you wake up singing!”

You see, like so many of us, she was looking for something to inspire her to wake up singing. That’s backward. When you are the kind of person who wakes up singing, something is guaranteed to come along that will inspire you and your songs will get even sweeter.

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When your feelings and your actions match those of the future you who has already achieved what you are now setting your sights on, then you will achieve your goal or something similar that will make you feel the same way.

I have a friend who has made quite a lot of money in his life but like most wealthy
people, he has had setbacks. Over dinner last week, he regaled me with stories about some of those “failures.” As I asked clarifying questions, he began to see that most of those so-called failures actually lead to specifically related opportunities for even greater gain down the road. If he had quit when it looked like he wasn’t getting what he set out to, he would have missed these opportunities.

In other words, if you don’t receive the promotion, it’s not over. There is probably something even bigger on its way that you would have missed if you received the promotion. Just keep “being” the kind of person who receives promotions and watch what happens.

No matter what you want, the achievement of it happens much more quickly and easily when you figure out what type of person you need to be to get there.
All roads point to “being.” Who do you want to be?

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Are you Stressed? Time to HALT!

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 23:03:00 +0000

Everyone who has a job today is working very hard. (Okay, okay, for those of you who immediately thought of someone who’s not pulling his weight, let me rephrase.) Most people who have jobs today are working very hard.

I hear about impossible workloads, frustration, anger, illness and stress. And I ask, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”

“What!?!?” you may very well cry, “I’m not doing this to myself – my organization is.”

I know it seems like that but it’s simply not true. Allow me to explain.

While it’s true that you are being given impossible amounts of work to do, only you have the power to generate stress within yourself.

The state of stress is a reaction to outside stimuli. When the stimulus is comprised of spoken words or behavior we witness, that alone cannot generate the stress—that comes from you and your internal/external dialogue.

The exception to this, of course, is if someone were to do something physical to you. While there are people who have trained themselves to detach and not react to beatings or other means of torture, it is a natural human instinct for the brain to release stress hormones in reaction to physical duress. These same hormones are released when the danger is not real if we manage to convince our minds that it is real (as in how we react when there is too much work to do).

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. By focusing on how difficult everything is, how impossible the demands are and how much you dislike what you are currently doing, you are causing yourself more stress than any other person could IF they had the power to cause you stress, which they don’t.

I once attended a class in human behavior and the professor, a Ph.D. in psychology taught us that, when you react to any situation, the adult has vacated your body and a small child has taken its place. Stress is a reaction, not a response.

When you take the time to come up with a strategy of response to challenging stimuli, your stress will begin to dissipate and could eventually disappear. But what do we most often do? We whip ourselves into frenzy by thinking or telling anyone who will listen how wrong all of this is and how much we are suffering. And yet, the only one who can relieve your suffering is you. This is actually very good news because that puts you in the driver’s seat.

Train yourself to notice the symptoms of stress; they are different for everyone. I unconsciously clench my fists. I have one friend who whistles and another who nervously taps her pen.

Once you’ve noticed that you are under stress, HALT. This is an acronym I borrowed from 12-step programs. Ask yourself:

H – Are you hungry? Low blood sugar contributes to stress in all sorts of ways. If you are hungry, eat something that is good for you. A chocolate bar may taste yummy but will spike your blood sugar and you’ll crash even lower. Some form of protein is your best bet.

A – Are you angry? If you are, figure out what to do about it but make sure it isn’t something that will escalate the problem. What helps me is to figure out what’s funny about the situation. Most of the things I get really angry about are pretty funny in the bigger scheme of things.

L – Are you lonely? Oftentimes, we are stressed because we feel unsupported. Reach out to someone who always makes you feel appreciated.

T – Are you tired? This is a tough one because so often we ignore fatigue in favor of getting more work done. The best thing you can do for yourself when you realize you are tired is to make plans to go to bed at least 1-2 hours earlier than normal that same night and get some sleep. You will be much more productive for the remainder of the week.

There is no doubt that these are stressful times. If you use the power of your mind coupled with the Law of Attraction, you’ll find that, not only will you weather the storm; you can actually reside within the eye where all is peaceful and calm.

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Happy 2010

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 15:49:00 +0000

New Year
New Goals
New Hopes
New Dreams

Will this be the year you allow into your life all the things you’ve been summoning with your desire?

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. What will the theme of your focus be this year?

Will your focus be on enjoying your work more? Then you must put your attention on all the things you enjoy and turn a blind eye to the things that annoy you.

Will your focus be on getting that raise or promotion? Then find out what the criteria are and put your full attention on fulfilling them.

Would you like your relationships to be more satisfying? Then it is important that you develop the habit of continually looking for what you like in the other person rather than what needs to be changed or corrected.

Would you like to enjoy life more? It’s not rocket science. All that is required to enjoy life is to enjoy life! No magic formula; no mantras or affirmations to remember. Just enjoy!

You were born to have all that you want. If you don’t, then the first place to look for what’s gone wrong is your focus (also known as your attention.)

• Do you focus on what you don’t have or on your blessings? I’m continually surprised to read about all the surveys taken that say there is an epidemic of job dissatisfaction in this country. This is problematic for two reasons: (1) having a job, especially in this economy is a gift. There are thousands who would gladly trade places with you and put up with whatever you’re dealing with if only they could get a paycheck to feed their families; and (2) if you’re dissatisfied and stay focused on all the reasons why, you’ll never get out of the job you dislike so much! Or worse, you’ll get a new job and discover the same problems as you had in the first. You get more of what you focus on.

• Do you focus on what’s right in your world or on what’s wrong? Notice I said “your world,” not “THE world.” One of the most useful tools in my recovery from a 30-year depression was the realization that I cannot change the world but I can change my corner of it. Before I got into action, I spent a lot of time pointing out all the reasons the world was doomed. Once I began doing something to improve my corner, that hopelessness began to lift.

• Do you focus on the attributes you like about your family and friends or on all those things that annoy you? Everyone, including you, is annoying to someone. You cannot help it and here’s why: you’re not annoying them; they’re choosing to regard you as annoying. You cannot control how others feel about you but you can control how you feel about them. You have a choice between letting their behavior annoy, have no impact at all, or charm. Before you make the choice, remember that you get more of what you focus on.

The simplest way to get all the things you desire in 2010 is to choose to be in love every single day: with yourself, with your family and friends, with your job, with your boss (yes, your boss!) and co-workers and with all the big and little things that make up your life.

Or, as my wise friend Sarah says, “You want to be happy? GO AHEAD!”

I wish you a fulfilling year of primarily focusing on whatever brings you joy. For me, you definitely fall into that category.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Give to Yourself

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 17:52:00 +0000

It’s hard to believe we are wrapping up the first decade of the new century. Time flies and it seems to have little to do with whether we are having fun.

As we move into the first year of a new decade (I like that—it makes it seem so dramatic!) it seems an opportune time to consider what we want to attract into our lives.

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned as I’ve studied how to apply the Law of Attraction to my life is that you must give whatever it is you want to get.

For example, I hear many complaints about bosses who are poor managers. “My boss never tells me when I’m doing something right but is very quick to point out when I’ve done something wrong,” is a common lament. I’ve no doubt that’s true. We are a society that is more comfortable pointing out problems than focusing on what’s going right. If this is one of your complaints, take a moment to answer this question, “How often do you point out to yourself the things you are doing right?” Do you pat yourself on the back regularly or are you always chiding yourself about procrastination, mistakes and your work performance?

You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself!

Keep this in mind as you venture forth into the new year. What is it that you want more of in your life and how can you give it to yourself?

Do you want more respect? Then take a look at whether you are practicing self-respect. For example, let’s say you find that people are late to appointments with you, cancel at the last minute or don’t show up at all. There’s a good chance that you don’t keep the appointments you make with yourself. If you tell yourself you’re going to exercise, do you keep that appointment or do you allow other things to get in the way? When you take a vacation day from work do you use it to relax or are you still working? Others won’t keep their word with you until you keep your word with yourself.

You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself!

Like most people, I want to be recognized for the value of my work. If I don’t first recognize it myself, then accolades are unlikely to show up. I’ve noticed over the years that the prouder I am of the work I do, the more people tell me in person or write to tell me how much they value that very same work.

You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself!

Longshoreman-philosopher Eric Hoffer wrote, “You can never get enough of what you really don’t want.” I am a recovering alcoholic. When I was drinking, I could never get enough because it wasn’t what I really wanted. What I was looking for in the bottle was what I felt was missing in me. That’s true whether you use food, shopping, work, sex, drugs or rock ‘n roll. Any kind of addictive behavior is comprised of trying to fill a giant hole with something that can never fill it!

A friend of mine who is also in recovery tells the following story: I went to my counselor, very excited because I had finally figured out what my problem was—I wasn’t loved enough. Instead of offering me a comforting pat on the back, my counselor instead said, “Gary, let me tell you something. We could get the United Nations to issue a proclamation declaring tomorrow Love Gary Day. The highlight of Love Gary Day is that everyone in the world stops at noon, turns in your direction and sends waves of love to you. And it would not be enough. Addicts are the black hole of love. If you think you’re not loved enough, there is only one solution—love!”

That is Law of Attraction in a nutshell. You give what you want to get because while you are giving it, you are focused on it and you always get more of what you focus on.

This is a wonderful time of year to take a good, long look at all that we have collected—toys, friends, accolades, complaints, “stuff,” debt, etc.—and ask ourselves, “Is this what I really want?” If the answer is no, figure out what you do want and give it to yourself because you cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself.

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The Magical Power of Physiology

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:10:00 +0000

The way we carry ourselves, the position of our bodies has an amazing impact on how we feel and yet, how much attention do we pay to this?

I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately as I watch how people walk. Yes, you read that correctly—how people walk. Some walk with arrogance; some walk with great self-confidence; and some walk as if they’re hoping no one will notice them.

For example, I am writing this column in my favorite coffee shop and I just watched a woman walk across the room with shoulders slumped and her posture folded in; she carried her body as if completely disconnected from it. When she sat down, I took a closer look and noticed that her hair, make-up and clothing were perfect. My guess is that she stands in front of her mirror in the morning thinking she looks great. And she does, if she were to simply hold that pose all day long. However, if she saw herself on film as she walks, she would realize that all the time spent on trying to look good is wasted. Her body delivers the message—to her and to the rest of the world—that she lacks self-confidence. All the outer fixings in the universe cannot change that.

Why is this important? Because your physiology delivers to your brain distinct messages about how you are feeling in the moment. If your fists or jaw are clenched, your brain interprets that as extreme duress. If you are smiling, your brain’s interpretation is that you are happy. And even if you’re dressed in rags, when you hold yourself in a pose of self-confidence, the feelings follow.

Here is the magic of physiology: your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality—all it knows is where you are focused. This is why books, music, movies and where we place our attention have such a profound impact. Have you ever been in a perfectly good mood, gone to a sad movie and walked out feeling blue? If there were a camera on you as you watched the film you would see your physiology change in response to the story. The quickest way to recover from this is to change your physiology. It turns out that “shake it off” is sage advice.

If you were crazy enough to allow it, I could teach you how to put yourself into a state of depression. All you need to do is slump your shoulders, collapse your core so it’s mushy, cast your eyes down, frown and breathe very shallow. Within minutes, I guarantee you will feel down. If you do it for a long period of time, you will be depressed.

On the flip side, if you are already feeling down, you can pull out of it by doing the opposite: sit or stand up straight, pull your stomach muscles tight, look out at the world, grin from ear to ear and breathe very deeply. Within minutes you would feel your mood lift. Imagine how great you’d feel if you did that for a long period of time.

We are in the midst of the holidays, a time when using the magical power of physiology can mean the difference between a season that reminds you how wonderful the holidays can be or the kind you cannot wait to be over and done with.

Here are some physiological “tricks” that will quickly elevate your mood:

• Smile. If you really want to go for it, grin from ear-to-ear.
• Sing. There’s holiday music playing everywhere. When you sing along, your brain gets the message you are in a good mood.
• Laugh. This is a quick way to go from feeling stressed to feeling blessed.
• Extend the hand of friendship. Doing for others is guaranteed to elevate your mood.
• Dance. You can’t dance without music and when your brain hears music with a dance beat, it makes you—well, want to dance!
• Hang out with happy children. Kids have their priorities straight—it’s all about what makes them happy.

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When you “act as if” you immediately shift your brain’s focus. Ask yourself how you want to feel, adjust your body accordingly and watch how quickly you feel the way you want.

That’s the magical power of physiology!

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You Get What you Expect

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 15:23:00 +0000

Thanksgiving launches us full-speed into the holiday season, potentially a time of great stress. Certainly it is fraught with many emotions, both positive and negative.

As you look ahead to your Thanksgiving plans, you may want to do what my teacher Abraham Hicks calls “pre-paving.” Actually, most of us have already done quite a lot of pre-paving in the form of expectations. You may want to do some deliberate pre-paving.

If you expect Thanksgiving to be a problem, you are probably basing that expectation on past years when things did not go so well. Conversely, those of you who cannot wait to sit around the table visiting with the friends and family you love have used your memories of past holidays to fuel an expectation of a good time.

Either way, you get what you expect.

It is a rare one among us who completely ignores what has happened in the past and decides what kind of holiday they intend to have. This is pre-paving—shaping your experience in advance.

You will be pleasantly surprised by what you can accomplish when you decide beforehand the kind of experience you intend to have. For example, if you think ahead to the things Uncle Fred typically says that make you want to scream, you can decide that this year you will listen to his particular brand of craziness and regard it as humorously eccentric. In fact, you may want to take notes so that, after the holiday, you can entertain your friends with stories of his antics.

You can also use your fertile imagination to turn your cousin Maria (the one who is always trying to tell you how to run your life) into an Oprah gone horribly wrong. Imagine her as a talk show host and picture the audience’s reaction to the bad advice she spouts. You’ll (almost) feel sorry for her as she continues to regale you with her good ideas for how your life ought to be.

You can even listen to those things your parents say every year that trigger the four-year-old inside you to stage a tantrum and instead smilingly respond, “I know you say that because you love me. I love you, too.” Wouldn’t that be worth the looks of shock on their faces? After all, their memories of holidays past are probably that you usually “overreact” to things.

What’s interesting about the holidays is how they so clearly demonstrate that you get what you expect. Oh sure, I know that you think you expect everyone to link arms, sing a happy song and be lovey-dovey. That’s not an expectation, it’s a hope. Consider that the Law of Attraction says you get more of what you focus on. In reality, you’re not focused on having a happy holiday you’re worried that it will all go wrong and that you’ll be disappointed one more time. The more worried you are, the more likely that the holidays will be a rough ride.

You get what you expect.

What if you approached Thanksgiving with the expectation that you’re going to have a good time--period? It isn’t contingent on the behavior of others. The meal you sit down to needn’t be perfect. Heck, your favorite football team doesn’t even need to win. (Gasp—such blasphemy!) No matter what happens, you fully intend to have a good time.

You get what you expect.

This is something you can put into play every single day, holiday or not. Pre-paving can mean using the time in your shower each morning to decide to have a great day. If you think about it, you’re probably already deciding to have a not-so-good day by spending your shower time focused on problems you have to deal with in the hours ahead.

You can also use this technique of pre-paving any time you like. You can stop yourself in the course of your day and decide that, in the next hour things are going to improve considerably (even if they are already great).

You get what you expect.

Whatever your expectations for Thanksgiving, I wish you a holiday of focusing on what you are grateful for and whispering, “Thank you” to your higher power. While you’re at it, you may want to express gratitude for the incredible freedom that lies in your ability to get what you expect.

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Emotional Health

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 20:34:00 +0000

I’ve always had this theory that people drive the way they think. I developed this after observing two people:

The first was my Dad who drove incredibly slow and seemed oblivious to the impact it had on drivers on the road with him. People thought it was because of his age but he drove that way even when he was younger. His thought process mirrored the driving—he took a lot of time to think about and articulate ideas and didn’t care if he was holding things up. He would let you know his thoughts when he was good and ready. As an impatient young child living in his house, this habit drove me a little bit crazy.

The second person who inspired this theory was a manager I worked with years ago. One day we went to lunch and, on the harrowing drive to the restaurant, she tailgated every car that had the misfortune of being in front of us. As I reflected on this, I realized that in the office she did her own form of tailgating —she was an impossible micro-manager who put fear into the hearts of her staff.

I’ve started to refine this idea even further because I now understand that the way we drive is also an indication of our spiritual and emotional health. This may have been inspired by the following story someone sent me in an email:

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and coffee.

Mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated fish emblem on the trunk; naturally…

I assumed you had stolen the car.''

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. If you’re not sure about where your focus is, don’t look to affirmations you are praying, bumper stickers you are displaying or positive words you are saying. Too often they are indicators of how you’d like to be or how you’d like others to think you are. Look instead to how you are responding to everyday situations.

It doesn’t take much personal fortitude to behave in church or temple. But in the midst of traffic, when everything seems to be going wrong and you are late and stressed to the limit, that’s when you can see the state of your spiritual and emotional health.

Here’s the fun part. If you discover that you are not where you want to be, an easy way to quickly turn it around is to shift your focus.

Look, the vast majority of drivers on the road are skilled and courteous. If, however, you spend all your time focused on the few who are not, then your driving experience is going to be very stressful (and you’ll attract more poor drivers around you.)

Try this: for the next week, decide what kind of person you want to be all the time, even while behind the wheel of your car. Then do whatever is necessary to be that person even when no one is looking. You’ll soon discover that your health, spiritual and emotional has improved considerably, both behind the wheel and everywhere else. And you will be bowled over by what you start to attract.

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Working too Hard

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 22:51:00 +0000

The longer I apply the principles of the Law of Attraction, the more I realize that, for most of my life I’ve been working way too hard. Can you relate?

This universal law says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” There are three steps to attracting what we want:

Step One is to identify a desire or a preference. You don’t have to concentrate on this—you are doing it all day long.

“What?!?” you may well want to shout. “That can’t possibly be true! I would never have asked for some of the things in my life!” The word “ask” is what throws us off. We think we ask for something by putting in a verbal request. Unfortunately, that’s not the way it works. Whatever you pay attention to is what you are asking the Universe to deliver.

Here’s an example. Let’s say you work with eight people at your job. Seven of your co-workers are people you genuinely enjoy; they’re great and you’re glad they’re on your team. But there is one member of the team you think of as The Jerk.

Who do you pay more attention to, your loveable team or The Jerk? Whichever it is, that’s what you are telling the Universe your preference is—more people like that. Your attention is the same as a request.

Step Two is not your work—the Universe responds to your preference and sends out what you have asked for. No exception.

The Universe, you see, does not sort between what’s good for you or bad for you. That’s your job; the Universe simply takes note of your preference and delivers.

Step Three, to allow, accept and receive is your work. What you receive is all up to you.

When you are at work or thinking about your job who has your attention—the co-workers you like or The Jerk? Who do you talk about with your spouse or friends? Who do you lie awake thinking about?

The more you pay attention to The Jerk, the more of his/her tribe you are allowing into your life. Pretty soon you’re encountering Jerks on the freeway, at the grocery store, even at church! People you have never had problems with start acting like Jerks. This is a clear example of just how good you are at manifesting what you ask for (see Step One).

If you want to know what you are allowing in any given moment, the only thing you need pay attention to is how you feel. When you feel good, you are allowing the things you want that will please you. When you are feeling bad, you are allowing those things into your life that you don’t want. Either way, you are the one manifesting.

I have spent the last 20 years working on leveraging the Law of Attraction’s three steps to allow more of what I want. The journey has been remarkable and the results have been concrete:

• My 30-year depression lifted, never to return
• I am in recovery from alcoholism
• I no longer lay awake consumed with worry
• I do work that I love
• I have great relationships with family and friends

These results are major and I’m thrilled to have them. However, they came more slowly than need be.

In contrast, over the past several months, some major dreams have suddenly come true for me in such a profound way that I’ve wondered what caused the floodgate to open. I didn’t have to wonder long; I know exactly what is different. Since July I have been meditating every day for 30 minutes or more.

Why would the simple act of daily meditation make such a difference? Meditation puts you in touch with the pure, positive energy of Source (many call this energy God—your name for it is your business). When you are connected to this energy, you release all resistance, all negativity. When there is no resistance, all the things you’ve been asking for over the years, those things that have been held in escrow waiting for you to allow yourself to receive come flooding into your life. Things that would have taken me more hours than I have to orchestrate are happening for me, easily and effortlessly. The same is available to you.

I’m done working so hard—what about you?

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Asking

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 16:26:00 +0000

I once attended a Professional Coaching conference where I had the pleasure of hearing Julio Olalla, founder of The Newfield Network speak. One of the things Julio said that captured my attention was, “There is tremendous suffering around our inability to ask.”

That has been my observation, as well. Our inability to ask for what we want—from others, from ourselves, and from life—is the root of nearly all suffering. That’s a pretty strong statement. Here is why I make it: the only way to draw into your life what you want is by asking for it. The trouble is, most of us don’t realize what we are asking for moment-by-moment because we have a fixed idea of what asking looks like or sounds like.

The most direct way of asking for something is to say, “Could I have that please?” That’s pure and simple. As long as you are looking at the object of your desire and feeling confident that you can have it, it is also the quickest way to get it.

But most of us don’t look at what we WANT. We look at what we don’t want and resist it; we try and push it away. For example, we say the words, “I want a job I love,” while our full attention is focused on what we hate about the one we currently have.

When you pay attention to something, it is the same as asking the Universe, “Could I have that, please?”

You see, the Universe is energy-based. As such, it is ruled by the Law of Attraction which, in its simplest form says “Like attracts like.”

The Universe has no ears. It cannot hear your words. Instead, it reads energy. When your energy is focused on something, the Universe interprets it as a request for delivery. The longer you focus on it, the sooner it gets delivered. The stronger your emotions are at the time (positive or negative), the more intense your energy. This also causes whatever you’re focused on (or something very similar) to be delivered more quickly.

The Universe does not discern on your behalf whether what you ask for is good for you or bad. It simply receives your request (i.e., “Please deliver more of what I hate about my job”) and fulfills it.

Does this mean we can’t change our minds? No! What is required in order to cancel a request we inadvertently made is to shift our attention to its opposite and strongly visualize that being delivered.

It sounds far-fetched unless you’re awake to how it’s happening in your life every single day. Haven’t you ever noticed that the more you don’t want something to happen, the more it seems to come your way? That is where expressions such as, “It went from bad to worse,” come from.

It works to our advantage as well. Success does indeed breed success. The rich get richer and the poor get poorer as long their focus is on “what is,” because their attention to it is tantamount to asking for more.

So how do you know what you’re asking for? Pay attention to how you feel. When you have a good feeling in your gut, it is your signal that what’s coming your way is going to feel equally good. Remember, “like attracts like” so the only thing you can attract when you’re feeling good is something that’s a match to that feeling.

If you have a bad feeling in the pit of your stomach, start looking for what you’re focused on that’s making you feel bad. When you identify where your attention is, say to yourself, “That’s clearly something I don’t want (as evidenced by my negative reaction) What do I want?” Once you identify what it is, put your full attention on it until you’ve replaced the negative feeling with a positive one.

It’s really very simple. Ask the Universe to send to you only those things that will make you happy. How do you ask for that? By giving your FULL ATTENTION to what you already have in your life that makes you happy. Then, open up the delivery dock. Good things are headed your way.

You asked for them.

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How Not to Help

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:25:00 +0000

Most problems I see in the workplace are generated by three things:

1. Direct meddling
2. Gossiping
3. Indirect meddling, i.e., sitting in judgment

meddle—v. Interfere in something that is not one’s concern.

It’s obvious why direct meddling would be a problem. No one wants to be told how to do their job, even if (and this is the funny part) the person telling you is your boss.

It’s obvious, too why gossiping about how others do their work would be a problem. You’re not only meddling; you’re recruiting others to join the team.

But indirect meddling can be equally destructive. Just because you don’t say anything out loud doesn’t mean your message isn’t being delivered. Non-verbal communication is stronger than verbal. If you doubt this, think of how teenagers and moms communicate. Both can speak volumes with just one look.

When we put ourselves in a position to judge, we generally think we know better than the other person. Rarely do we question whether or not it’s true.

Just because someone isn’t doing a task the way you would, does not mean they’re doing it ineffectively. When we try and force our will on another it can only lead to trouble. (Trust me I know this from direct experience. I’m sure my daughters and some of my friends will forward this column back to me. LOL.)

It’s actually amusing when our brilliant advice is rejected and we respond by being hurt, “I was only trying to help,” we say and then we sulk.

Are we really only trying to help or are we showing off? When someone ignores your advice, if your response is to be hurt or angry, chances are it’s your ego at play, not your benevolence.

Getting along in the workplace (and at home) would go much more smoothly if we did one simple thing—honor each other’s expertise. Allow the person who is tasked with doing something to do it, unburdened by unsolicited (and usually unwelcomed) advice from you.

“But,” you protest, “I really can make it easier for them!”

So what? If your meddling makes them uncomfortable or resentful, what is served? Chances are it’s your ego.

I’m not saying don’t offer. People often do want our help. Don’t, however do it by asking the usual, “Can I help?” This puts the other person in the position of having to reject your gesture. If instead you say, “Let me know if you need any help with that,” it leaves the choice up to them. The difficult part is when they decide to forge ahead without us. I have literally had to bite my lip to keep from pointing out how someone could do a task better. Or sometimes I whip off an email with all my good ideas. This, by the way, is where having a 5-10 minute delay on your email “sends” comes in handy. If you hit “send” and then realize you’ve given unsolicited advice, you can fish it out of your “outbox” before the damage is done.

The problem with meddling is that it is interpreted in a variety of ways. The person may think you’re saying, “You don’t know what you’re doing,” or “I’m smarter than you,” or even (and this does real damage), “You’re incapable of figuring it out.” Many of us routinely do this when interacting with our loved ones at home. It only follows that we would do the same at work.

So what if you’re the boss and it’s your job to develop this person? Here is how to honor their developing expertise. Describe for your employee the end result you seek and then say, “Walk me through how you would approach this task so I can be sure I’ve given you all the information you need.” And then stop talking and listen. If they tell you an approach you think will work, give them your blessing to move ahead. If some tweaking needs to be done you can say, “I’m not sure about this aspect of your plan—are there other ways that might work?”

Honor people’s expertise and your relationships (at work and at home) will flourish!

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Happy Moments

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:30:00 +0000

A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment because they are SO BUSY trying to get a happy life.
- Esther Hicks

The quote above arrived in an email this week and it impacted me like a cold bucket of water on a hot summer’s day.

My oldest daughter, whenever she is reminded of something she already knew but forgot, inevitably says, “Ohhhh yeahhh!” When I read this quote I had the same reaction.

How easy it is to slip back into the habit of postponing the experience of a happy life until all the circumstances line up perfectly. It’s so LOGICAL to think, “When my bills are paid off,” or “When I get that promotion,” or “When my health improves” THEN I’ll be happy.

I ate breakfast at a restaurant this morning and was lucky enough to have a young family sit nearby. The two young boys looked to be about 3 or 4 years old and were cousins (okay, I was eavesdropping). Asian, they had dark hair sticking up straight in today’s style and wore matching green t-shirts. When they laughed, their faces would light up and their eyes disappear. And they laughed a lot. The older of the two would do something comical (like drink two drinks out of two straws at the same time) and his younger cousin, of course, had to follow suit. They were having wonderful, happy moments, for no reason whatsoever except that it felt good to laugh and be silly. I was having my own wonderfully happy moments watching their unapologetic joy.

I don’t know if I would have had those moments before I read the quote that woke me up. I’d been feeling sorry for myself of late, worried about a troubled friend. I’d been postponing my own happy life until she “got better.” How silly. My delaying my own happiness won’t help her get better. On the contrary, it will probably delay it.

Each day, we have many opportunities for happy moments. Beyond the obvious (sun shining, birds singing) there are the not-so-obvious, things like:
• completing a task on time
• being able to help a co-worker
• the boss commenting on a job well done
• getting to work in plenty of time to have a leisurely cup of coffee before plunging in
• finding a solution to a challenging problem
• the sudden realization that you’re really GOOD at what you do

When you finish reading this, I invite you to spend the rest of the day having happy moments. Every time you have one, put an asterisk on a piece of paper and, before you go home for the day, add up how many asterisks you have.

Once you’ve counted them up, pause for a moment and ask yourself the following questions:
• Were you clearly more productive as a result?
• How do you feel right this minute?

Then go home and ask whomever you live with (even your cat), “What were YOUR happy moments today?” The answers may surprise you.

I do want you to have a happy life but that is no longer my wish for you. Instead, I wish for you a never-ending string of happy moments.

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Creating Your Own Flow

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 05:38:00 +0000

Now that I’m actively participating on the social networking site Facebook, I’ve become even more keenly aware of how we shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to using focus to our full advantage.

I see postings like, “Another day of drudgery at work,” or “Is it time to retire yet?” or people whipping each other into a frenzy over the latest political snafu.

I believe we naturally want to bond with each other and we think the fastest route to that end is to share negative feelings that others can relate to. I mean, who wouldn’t utter a heartfelt “Amen!” to someone’s posting: “Just two more days of sleep, that’s all I need!”

Unfortunately, all this negative banter gives us exactly the opposite of what we want.

What would life be like if we were to live each day fully harnessing The Law of Attraction that dictates, “You get more of what you focus on?”

Let’s first understand that whether we use it on purpose or not, the principles of this Law have tremendous impact on our day-to-day lives. It’s where expressions like, “It went from bad to worse” came from. Fortunately, it’s also where expressions like. “The better it gets, the better it gets” come from.

In order to harness The Law of Attraction to full advantage, we would need to be careful about where we place our focus. No more self-indulgent negativity. No more “being right” about how awful things are or how people are rude or how the country is going to hell in a hand basket.

Focusing on what we don’t want is merely a habit. We can just as easily create the habit of focusing on what we DO want. The challenge is to do it when so many others are doing just the opposite. It requires swimming against the tide.

One thing I would need to do, for example, is begin focusing on the positive postings on Facebook—there are many. It doesn’t mean I won’t see the others; they are there. It simply means that I have the opportunity every day to simply skip over the ones I don’t agree with and find the ones I do.

Facebook is really a metaphor for how we live our lives. It is, after all, a social networking site. How we engage there is how we engage face-to-face. We can go there to find things that make us feel good (like all the fun games and silly tests) or we can look for things to push against. Whenever I think of which I’d rather do, I imagine the difference on the faces of people who are holding a candlelight vigil for something they believe in versus the angry faces of people who are protesting against something they vehemently oppose. Which way would I rather feel?

If we actively sought to use The Law of Attraction to our advantage each day, we would focus on what makes us feel good. When we get up in the morning, we’d be happy to be alive one more day. When in the shower, we’d thrill to the feel of the water on our bodies. We’d savor our morning beverage and be grateful for food to nourish us.

As we went about our day, we would look for people who please us—the clerk at the store who smiles when we purchase the morning paper; the drivers on the freeway who leave room for us to merge into traffic; the co-worker who pleasantly greets us as we arrive on the job.

We’d look at our circumstances and be grateful for what we have: clothing to keep us protected; beautiful scenery to enjoy; a roof over our heads and a bed to sleep in each night.

As we become more grateful for what we have, we begin to notice something wonderful. The more grateful we are, the more we get. Suddenly, things we’d wanted for quite some time are ours. Circumstances seem to line up magically.

It’s important to actively harness The Law of Attraction each day precisely because we DO get more of what we focus on. Use your focus carefully. Use it as the gift that it is. Watch what happens when you decide to swim in the opposite direction of the negative flow. The waters are much warmer, more refreshing and the current will easily carry you when you swim downstream in the river of positive focus.

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Adventures in Living

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 03:09:00 +0000

I once knew a drummer who played with a Blues band. He told me the story of working with a singer well into her 80s who was so infirm they would roll her onto the stage in a wheelchair and place the microphone in her lap. The band played the opening strains of the song she was to sing over and over and simply waited. When she was moved to do so, she would pick up the mike and start to sing. It was always worth the wait.

One day they were commiserating backstage. He was in his early 20s and just starting in the business. He asked her, “You’ve been around so long. What advice do you have for me? She looked him straight in the eye as she replied, “Honey, whoever dies with the most adventures wins!”

What a great approach to life!

What is an adventure, anyway? Isn’t it whatever you say it is?

We all know people who define an adventure much differently than we would. My friend Betty rates vacation spots 5-star only if there is no running water or electricity. She wants to be out in the open, under the stars enjoying nature at its naked best.

It’s not my cup of tea but it sure makes her happy!

Other adventurers do things like jump out of planes or off bridges tied to bungee cords. My heart beats rapidly at the mere idea.

But every day can also be an adventure! It’s all a matter of focus. The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. What might your life be like if you looked at it through the lens of adventure?

A great role model for this is the cartoon dog Snoopy who could take the simple act of eating and turn it into a jungle hunt for prey.

What if getting ready for work each morning were an adventure of “human against the clock?” Rather than dragging yourself through the morning yawning and moaning, you could turn it into a high stakes game that gets your adrenalin pumping and makes you feel alive. Of course, some of you do this already but in a negative way. You get up too late and then it’s a heart-in-your-throat adventure to get to work on time or at least to your desk before your boss notices you’re late. What kind of impact do you think this type of adventure has on the balance of your day?

How could you turn work into an adventure? What would be your equivalent of a bungee cord ride? Perhaps you can focus on what you are discovering (also known as learning) as you move through your day. Many of us get excited when, on vacation or over the weekend we go to a museum or on a tour of a park. We can’t wait to tell friends all that we learned from our guides. What if we shared what we learn at work with equal excitement? Is it any less of an adventure? It’s actually even better because you’re getting paid for learning!

Take a look at your life over this past summer. Make a list of the adventures you’ve added to your list. Maybe you survived the ordeal of a co-worker’s vacation when you were left behind to carry his workload. Is this any less exciting than someone in the news who survived being stranded at an airport for 48 hours by the weather?

Perhaps you figured out some amazing shortcuts for doing your work faster or better. Are they any less impressive than finding shortcuts while on a forest hike?

The kinds of lives we lead all have to do with perspective. I know rich people who are miserable and poor people who are happy as can be. It all has to do with their points of view. One finds life a series of adventures (how little can we spend this week by using coupons at the grocery store?) and the other finds life a chore (“Why can’t I have a drink? Last call doesn’t apply to me!”)

Helen Keller said it perhaps best, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”

Remember—whoever dies with the most adventures wins. It could be you!

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What does your energy attract?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 01:44:00 +0000

I pulled a book off my shelf this week that was gathering dust. It should not have been; it is a very worthwhile read. In 1989 Stuart Wilde wrote The Trick to Money is Having Some! and it’s still relevant to today’s world.

I opened up its pages with hope in my heart and excitement in my belly. You see, I have used the Law of Attraction to heal many important areas of my life: my relationships, my physical and mental health, and my spiritual connection. There is one area I continue to struggle with—money. According to Wilde that struggle is a root cause:

“Effort is a natural part of our physical state, but struggle is effort laced with emotion, and that is unnatural and unholy. Inside the energy of abundance, there is no struggle, only flow.”

As I made my way through this wonderful book, the theme that stood out is that money is simply a form of energy. So I asked myself, “What kind of energy am I putting out around the topic of money?”

Clues abound when I look at what I attract. First, I have a belief that everything always works out. Not bad, right? It’s certainly better than, “Yikes! I am REALLY in trouble!” Unfortunately, although things do work out, it’s usually by the skin of my teeth. A more satisfying belief would be that I always have more money than I need in any given moment.

Secondly, I have a core belief that you have to labor really hard to make a lot of money. Over the years, I have worked on softening that belief but it is still there. This is also unfortunate because, to tell you the truth, I have little interest in working really hard. I don’t think anyone wants to do that, even if they are. Most people I know who work really hard believe that someday they won’t have to. That “someday” doesn’t ever seem to arrive.

Finally (and this is the ironic part), I have trouble focusing when it comes to attracting money; it has never motivated me. I am motivated by learning cool things. I generally have several projects going at once, none of them getting the focused attention that would manifest the desired results. Because my energy is scattered, so are my results. But here’s what I suddenly understood as I was writing this column: if I make “creating abundance” a learning project, it will definitely capture my interest. How cool is that?

The solution to any area in your life where you’re not getting what you want always lies with The Law of Attraction which dictates that you get more of what you focus on.

The more we focus on lack, the more of it we attract. We need instead to nurture an abundant consciousness.

• When we see someone spending gobs of money on something we deem frivolous, it is important to say, “What fun!” instead of maligning him/her.

• Rather than scanning the news for signs of corporate greed, scan for business people who are also philanthropists, using their money for good. Then imagine yourself doing the same.

• Get into the habit of receiving. If you see a penny on the sidewalk, pick it up. When someone offers you something, don’t talk them out of it. Say, “Thank you. I accept.”

More than anything, it’s important to work on increasing our positive energy. Wilde wrote, “In a world where everything is ordinary and dull…if you invest energy in things, people respond.” There are millions of people for whom price is irrelevant. What they want is energy. If they can get it from hanging around you, they will reward you with abundance.

I know this to be true because, in my research I’ve discovered that people who get promoted up the ranks are usually the ones who have the kind of energy the organization wants. Of course, those of us who are not in the habit of abundant thinking make up stories like, “She got that job because she’s a brown nose,” or, “He has political connections or he wouldn’t be here.” That kind of thinking only keeps us stuck in our world of lack.

So if you’re going to invest your time and money in something that will pay the greatest dividends, it would be wise to do whatever you can to increase your positive energy. That’s the trick—to money and to anything worth having!

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Choose Your Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 01:05:00 +0000

Last week I attended a class about addiction. It was fascinating.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you are focused on. The Law of Addiction, according to our instructor is: stress = cravings. Once the cravings set in, your reptilian brain (the one that reacts without contemplation) sends a thought to your cerebral cortex (the thinking brain) that it’s definitely a good idea to use what you are addicted to whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs or your credit card. Once that happens, the addict has no reasoning ability to say “no.”

If you’ve ever done something or put something into your mouth that caused negative consequences and afterwards wondered, “What was I thinking?!?” then you have uttered the addict’s lament.

Addiction counselors will tell you that there is a road to recovery but no cure. Once the neural pathways in your brain make you an addict, there is no evidence that you can go back to normal behavior in that one area.

So what works to prevent a relapse in addictive behavior? When your reptilian brain is in charge, you can forget about relying on your mind to support you; the best defense is a spiritual connection with a power greater than yourself.

There is always a part of us that is connected to that power—the instructor referred to it as your true essence. I think of that part of me as who I really am or my inner guide. Some refer to it as soul, gut instinct or intuition. When we practice any addiction, that truest and best part of ourselves is buried and difficult to reach.

The good news is that your true essence may be covered up but it remains ever present and you can access it whenever you choose.

Addictions create a barrier to connection which is ironic given that there is a large body of thought that the very thing addicts seek is a spiritual connection. Who do they generally talk to when things get out of control? Who do they bargain with? (“Please, God, if you get me out of this I’ll never do it again!”) It’s their higher power.

If the Law of Addiction is stress=cravings, then what happens if you are addicted to stress? That seems a ridiculous proposition but think about it. When you get stressed out, it triggers the release of the stress hormone adrenaline. The effects of adrenaline cause, among other things, physiological arousal, alertness, energy and it prepares the body for explosive activity.

When you live your life in emergency mode, you guarantee that adrenaline regularly floods into your system. This is the “fight or flight” syndrome we’re all familiar with and it resides within your reptilian brain. Much like speed or cocaine, the immediate effect might make you feel better but the long-term impact can be devastating. In addition to attracting other addictions (coffee, sugar, sleeping pills to calm down), it wreaks havoc with your body. It inhibits judgment and interferes with fine motor control, making the use of complex skills difficult.

We experience the preparatory flow of adrenaline into the body typically as 'butterflies in your stomach'.

The ability to reduce stress is a compelling reason to learn how to harness the Law of Attraction to your advantage. Rather than focusing on all those undone things that make you break out in a cold sweat, if you can instead pay attention to what you’re accomplishing, that one shift alone will reduce your stress level considerably. Here are some other ways to use focus as a tool:

• Consider problems or obstacles as an opportunity to exercise your
creativity:

• If you’re competitive, compete against the clock or your last best
performance just for fun;

• Meditate daily. There is no other single tool that is more effective to
reduce stress.

We all have addictive tendencies. Why not become addicted to feeling good? Serotonin, although a much less dramatic hormone, is much more fun than adrenaline. The easiest way to produce it is by focusing on that which makes you happy. Change your focus, change your life!

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How to Program Your Crystal Ball

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 01:18:00 +0000

Close your eyes and think of a person in their late seventies. Who did you think of? When I took Anthony Robbins’ CD-course The Time of Your Life, he challenged his listeners to do this. I instantly thought of my friend Jill. At age 76, she is in great physical shape, fashionable and has a wicked sense of humor. Imagine how pleased I was with my choice when Robbins declared, “Whatever you visualized is where you’re headed.” If you envisioned someone hunched over and shuffling, that’s where you’re headed. If you saw someone in a hospital bed with tubes shoved up his nose, guess where you’re going? If you envisioned Jack LaLanne or John Glenn, both over 80 and in great shape, then that’s where you’re headed.

When you peer into your crystal ball, predicting what your future holds, do you see a wondrous reality or your worst nightmare come true?

For many of us, “future-tripping” means that we are frightened and worried about lies ahead. That’s unfortunate because the way the Law of Attraction works is that you get more of what you focus on.

If, for example, you’re worried about holding onto your job, it would serve you well to shift that focus. You can do it through visualization, if you like, because your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality. If you start to act as if you’re secure, you will be and it may not have anything to do with your current job. What I mean is you may work for an organization that has strict rules—last one hired, first one laid off. There’s nothing you can do to shift that so, when you visualize your future, picture yourself working but do not limit it to your existing job. It could be an even better one!

If you don’t believe visualization is enough, then for you it will not be. In that case, what you want to do is take whatever action is necessary for you to feel as employable and secure as possible:

• Find out which software skills employers are hiring for and learn the appropriate computer programs.

• Do research to find other organizations or industries that could use your specific skills. Apply for jobs even if you’re not currently looking. It is good practice and a bit like saving for a rainy day. By the way, most people who have thriving careers do this on a regular basis.

Whatever aspect of your life you’d like to improve, it is important for you to “act as if” you’ve already achieved the growth you want. When you do, you are utilizing the Law of Attraction to your advantage. It’s important that you manage your mind to focus on what you want. We have pretty much perfected our ability to focus on what we don’t want and we’ve seen where that has gotten us so far.

Using your powers of fantasy, daydream about how life will be when you get “there.” Remember, your mind doesn’t differentiate between pretense and reality so, while you are feeling like you have arrived at your desired destination, you will naturally attract whatever supports your dream.

When you develop the picture of what it will be like when you have arrived, go into as much detail as possible:

• What are you wearing?

• Who is around you?

• What do you see as you look around? Is it day or night? Are you indoors or
out?

• To whom do you need to send “thank you” notes?

• How did you get there?

The journalist’s formula of covering the details of who, what, when, where, why and how will help you with this.

We all have a crystal ball—it’s called our mind and you are continually programming your future. Do you like what you see? If not, you have the power to change it. Isn’t that great?

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Let the Energy Flow!

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 07:30:00 +0000

As I look around at others and also into my own life, I notice that many of our problems may boil down to a simple blockage—a blockage of energy.

Allow me to explain. All day, every day you and I are summoning life energy through our desires. Every time we notice something that we don’t like, we immediately put in a silent request to the powers-that-be for the opposite. This contrast between where we are and where we want to be is what summons the energy of life. When people give up wanting, they quickly become depressed because they have stopped summoning all but the slightest amount of life force.

Haven’t you noticed that your desire for more money is strongest when you are going through a financial crisis? A cry for health is emitted not when we are already healthy but when we fall ill. And sadly, we fervently wish we could shower loved ones with affection often after they’re gone and it’s too late.

The gap between where you are and where you want to be is where creativity occurs. Your life has everything to do with your own creativity—that desire you were born with to do better and have more.

When you have great desire and you don’t let that energy through, it’s called resistance. It starts out small, maybe a little impatience or a tiny ache behind your eyes. If we don’t do something about it, then the symptoms get stronger. We move into full blown frustration or an actual headache. The more we ignore the signals that tell us we are not allowing the energy we have summoned, the stronger the negative impact.

These thoughts were triggered because I’ve been having problems with my back for the last three days which coincides with having delivered three all-day workshops. I love delivering programs and I had a lot of fun and so did the participants. But, as I look back, I realize that I was letting far less energy flow through me than what I was summoning. Afraid to be too “out there” with my audience, I unconsciously ratcheted things back a notch or two so as not to “look foolish.” What a shame. Not only did I end up with back problems, I also know that I could have delivered even better workshops had I opened the spigot all the way.

Is that what holds us back? Looking foolish? That’s why some people resist the energy. For others it is fear of being disappointed again. What if I give it my all and it doesn’t work out? So we mistakenly believe that “not getting our hopes up” keeps us safe when the opposite is true. By not letting the energy flow, we pretty much guarantee we won’t get what we want and, to add injury to insult, we develop aches and pains, emotional and physical.

By all means, desire much. Summon the energy. But let it through once you’ve summoned it. When I look around at the elderly, I can see so clearly those who let the energy through and those who have resisted and resisted until their bodies are bent or they can barely move for the pain in their limbs. Unfortunately, we are also seeing that in younger and younger people. We block the energy through eating until we become too big to move. We block the energy through alcohol and drugs until we are in a stupor. We sit for hours in front of the television wishing we could be like those we are watching but not letting it through!

So what would life be like if you really allowed the energy you are summoning to flow freely? What if you didn’t block it by “not hoping for too much” or “being realistic?” I think the possibility was best captured by the author Souza:

dance

as though no one is watching you

love

as if you have never been hurt before

sing

as though no one can hear you

live

as though heaven is on earth

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The Company You Keep

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 02:18:00 +0000

According to Daniel G. Amen, M.D. in his book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, “Spending time with positive people is essential to the health of the brain’s deep limbic system - the bonding and mood control center.”

Who do you spend more time with than anyone else?

No, it’s not your co-workers or your family—it’s you!

So…. if YOU’RE no picnic…. perhaps you are in some trouble.

The Law of Attraction says you attract more of what you focus on. When we indulge ourselves in negative states of mind, it is more impactful than spending time with a roomful of Oscar-the-Grouch wannabes.

We all know the impact of being surrounded by negative people. How often have you thought, “Well, sure! I would be in a much better mood if it weren’t for all these grouchy co-workers!” When that thought occurs, who’s the closest grouch? It’s actually funny—you’re being grouchy about grouches!

If hanging out with curmudgeons is such a powerful influence, imagine the impact when we’re alone and the only negative person in the room is the one looking back at us in the mirror! We can’t walk away or hide. What we need to do is counteract the negativity.

How?

When you’re experiencing any kind of negative emotion, (anger, despair, frustration, impatience) the Law of Attraction guarantees that it will get worse. Remember, like attracts like. If you envision your emotions as a whirlpool, you would see that the spiral is cycling downward. The trick is to reverse the spiral so it’s moving in an upward direction. The easiest way to do this is to go for some relief. Here are some suggestions:

• Call someone who makes you happy.

• Set a timer for five minutes and have a rip-roaring rant-and-rave. When
the timer goes off, stop. I guarantee you’ll experience relief from how
you were feeling.

• Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel?” This points you in the right direction.

• Look around for something that will bring even the teeniest of smiles to
your lips.

• Go to a “feel good” movie.

• Take a nap. When you sleep, you release all negativity.

• Do something kind for someone else.

In order to attract the positive people you’d like to spend time with, it’s important that you understand how to shape your own mood. It’s always fascinating that we want other people to conduct themselves in a certain way so that we will feel better. That’s not the way it works. In order to attract people who act the way we want, we must first make sure that we are behaving in that manner. You cannot attract behavior that is different from how you are being in that moment.

So become the person you would most like to hang out with. Treat yourself the way you wish others would. Give yourself the gifts you want others to present to you. Say the kind things to yourself that you long to hear from them. In a very short time, you will notice that you are surrounded by people who are good for your deep limbic system. Your moods will be better and you will be bonding with the kinds of people you always wanted to.

That’s because you’re now the kind of person you always wanted to attract and, as a result, you’re always in good company.

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Expand those Goals

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:22:00 +0000

Goal-setting can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it’s always good to be clear about what you want to create and where you want to go. On the other hand, some goals can be very limiting.

I’ll never forget Tony Robbins telling the story of a man in one of his workshops who wasn’t happy because he hadn’t yet reached his goal of $5 million net worth. He had only reached $4.5. On the one hand, he knew what he wanted to create; on the other he was limiting his enjoyment of what he had already accomplished by delaying the enjoyment of his abundance until he reached his final goal. A good goal for him might have been, “Create a net worth of $5 million and enjoy the heck out of getting there.”

We continually nod our heads when people say things like, “It’s the journey, not the destination,” or “You have to stop and smell the roses.” But how often does our behavior reinforce that? We rush around continually focused on what we haven’t accomplished instead of enjoying what we have.

The problem with doing that is the Law of Attraction which dictates that we get more of what we focus on. The more we treat the gap between where we are and where we want to be as a problem, the further away we are from reaching our goals. The gap is where all the fun is!

It’s why we so often experience a letdown when we actually achieve a goal. It was fun dreaming about it, planning how to achieve it and taking the steps to get there. Once we’ve arrived, it doesn’t feel nearly as great as we thought because the journey, not the destination, was the point.

We’re much more excited about the idea of the job we’re seeking. When we land the job, even if it’s all we thought it would be, we get used to it very quickly and begin to take it for granted.

We’re very excited about the idea of finding the love of our lives and yet, how quickly do we adjust to his/her presence?

Understanding that it’s the journey toward achieving the goal that is the point helps us to set those goals in a much more thoughtful way:

• To identify all the aspects of my dream job, enjoy the process of finding it and once I’m on the job to proactively keep it fresh and interesting.

• To run a marathon, be enthusiastic about the training, be aware of and enjoy my weekly progress and once the goal has been reached to fully appreciate what I’ve achieved and to continue to enjoy what it did for my overall health and vitality.

• To pay off my debt, enjoying the challenge, the budgeting and planning, and celebrating every milestone along the way. Once paid off, enjoying the feeling of freedom and doing everything in my power to stay debt-free

When we enjoy the progress toward achieving our goals, we reach those goals more quickly and we have fun as we do it. Because you are keeping a picture in your mind of what it will be like when you reach the goal, you are, in that moment, already there. And because your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality, you are sending out signals that will draw to you circumstances that are a match to how you feel. That’s one of the reasons the achievement of a goal is anticlimactic—you’ve already, in your mind, arrived many times. The actual manifestation seems like old hat.

So take a look at your goals and determine whether you are limiting yourself. Do what you need to build into the goal the enjoyment of the journey.

Perhaps the best goal of all is the one I once heard my spiritual mentor Esther Hicks avow (and I’m paraphrasing here): It really doesn’t matter what goals I set because I’m busy achieving my ultimate goal of living happily ever after.

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Oh, What a Relief it Is

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 03:36:00 +0000

I wish the Law of Attraction worked differently, don’t you? If only we could attract whatever we want by repeating our wish list over and over. By now I would have won the lottery, developed a killer body without doing a single sit-up and be married to Hugh Jackman.

Alas, it doesn’t work that way.

The Universe pays no attention to the words we say or think. Instead, it notices what we are paying attention to and delivers circumstances that are a match.

If I want to win the lottery because I am desperate for money, my intention might be to attract more money but my attention is not on prosperity, it’s on the lack of money. Under those circumstances I would attract more debt, not abundance. That feeling of desperation is the polar opposite of how a lottery winner would feel and therefore not a match.

Learning to manage your focus is the quickest pathway to achieving what you desire. The more fervently you focus on what you want and the more faith you have that it will be delivered, the more quickly it comes to you. Our minds, however, trip us up by telling us it cannot be that simple or by distracting us with worry (the opposite of faith).

The simplest and most effective way to manage your focus is by doing what Joseph Campbell advised us in the book of the same name: Follow Your Bliss. Do everything in your power to get happy and stay there.

Achieving happiness is not an overnight accomplishment. It is a skill you learn moment-by-moment, day-by-day and year-after-year. And you cannot go from being in despair to being happy through the snap of a finger or through repeating happiness mantras. You move from where you are to where you want to be through a process of finding relief, reaching for thoughts that make you feel better until you slowly stair-step your way to happiness.

When you are happy, you begin to naturally attract other things that are a match to that happiness.

I may not yet be rich, buff or mated to the man of my dreams but by following my bliss, I’ve made huge strides in my life. I’ll bet you have, too.

I used “follow your bliss” as the means to slowly pull out of a 30-year clinical depression. I had to learn to think better thoughts. This is a technique they use in mental health called Dialectical (or Cognitive) Behavior Therapy. In the depths of my depression, my daily focus was that of a victim. I continually looked for evidence to prove that life, starting with my childhood, had delivered to me a raw deal, that it wasn’t my fault or, on the worst days that it was ALL MY FAULT. In that state of mind, I continued to attract proof that I was right and I was miserable.

I didn’t go from depression to happiness overnight. I’m still working on it. The level of happiness I’ve achieved so far is the result of seeking thoughts that triggered feelings of relief:

• Does it feel better to think you’re a victim and feel depressed OR to get mad and want revenge? (A strange choice, to be sure, but revenge feels much better than depression.)

• Does it feel better to want revenge OR to be angry enough to take action to get better?

• Does it feel better to be angry enough to take action to get better OR to feel proud that you took action?

You can see that each step has the capacity to make you feel just a little bit better and that is the surest path to happiness. As you get better at managing your thoughts and your focus, you’ll find that the circumstances you are attracting improve, as well.

It’s like I always say, “If you want to change your life, change your focus!” Lottery ticket, anyone?

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Focused Meetings - What a Concept!

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:39:00 +0000

If you’ve ever thought your organization has secretly decided to dispose of you by using a “death by meetings” strategy, then you will be happy to know that there is a way to hold meetings that are short, to-the-point and more productive than you ever dreamed possible.

Not surprisingly, the key is focus.

I just completed a training course entitled Designing and Leading Effective Meetings put on by the California Workforce Association. (www.calworkforce.org). It may not be the path to world peace. (Then again how will we know unless we try it?) However, the techniques I learned reminded me that too much of my life has been wasted in meetings that seemed destined for the Guinness Book of World Records in several categories: (1) longest; (2) most boring; and (3) biggest waste of time.

During this incredible training I learned how to better facilitate a Consensus Workshop, an Action Planning meeting and my personal favorite, what they call a Focused Conversation. Besides the obvious connection to my tagline Change Your Focus, Change Your Life, the reason I so like the methodology behind the Focused Conversation is because it provides a solid framework for and expands upon a technique I’ve been using for years—employing questions to get yourself and/or others to focus.

Using questions for the purpose of focus is a technique as old as Socrates and no doubt someone taught it to him. One would think it a simple thing to do. After all, we ask questions all the time. But when you use them purposefully to get others to focus on something specific, the design of the question is crucial. For example, see the difference in these two questions:

Question #1 - How should we design our new training program?

vs.

Question #2 - What elements should be included in our new training program?

Question #1 will trigger a free-for-all covering a wide variety of topics from what type of software to buy to whether the training guide font should be Comic Sans or Times New Roman. At the end of the meeting, the only likely decision will be that a committee should be formed to take on the project. Meanwhile, the new training program remains in the idea phase with no clear path toward completion.

Question #2 succeeds in getting participants to focus on specifics. At the end of the meeting, the training program has been fleshed out and a decision can be made on the next steps for full implementation.

That is the power of a Focused Conversation. When it’s done by a trained facilitator, participants are engaged, heard and part of the final decisions. It can be used by itself or as part of other types of meetings.

Not everyone reading this has a budget to hire a facilitator or to attend a training to learn it themselves. That, however, does not mean that you cannot take advantage of some of the techniques. The best facilitators spend hours in preparation for meetings. Take a page from them—preparation is the most powerful way to impact the outcome of a meeting. Plan your questions in advance. Make sure they are open-ended; the best ones begin with the word ‘what.” Make sure they are designed to get participants to hone in on what you want to discuss or resolve. Then analyze each question to determine if the answers will bring you closer to action or will create a further delay.

There are many varieties of Focused Conversations. You can have one with a group, with just one other person and with yourself using paper and pen. The most important consideration is how to formulate the kinds of questions that will most quickly bring you to action. Whether that action is in the form of a decision made or a list of steps that need to be taken, either transforms a conversation or meeting from a waste of time to time well spent.

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Finding Your Oasis

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 22:42:00 +0000

For the first time in my life, I’ve been meditating daily and SURPRISE! all the things I’d heard about its benefits are true:

• I’m calm – For over 20 years, I have been in recovery from clinical depression. Over the years the amount of time that elapses between feeling fine and feeling melancholy or depressed has gotten shorter and shorter. Before I began meditating, when I ran up against something frustrating, it often knocked me off course for a few hours. Since I’ve been meditating, I have not had any such episodes. Now, when I run up against an obstacle, instead of being thrown into a negative tailspin and losing productive time, I’m able to keep things in stride and move forward.

• I have faith. Over the years I’ve gone from obsessive worrying to using self-talk to calm myself when worries creep in. Having said that, I still had a nagging sense that problems might be just around the corner. I’ve had to work hard to keep fear at bay. Since I began meditating, I’m not concerned about what the future holds. I have complete faith that I will land on my feet. If I look at my history, I always have been fine but worried that my “luck” would run out (as though I had somehow exceeded my quota.)

• I know what to do. If there were a contest for second-guessing, I’d have won many years in a row. I have no problem taking action but often wondered whether the action I was taking would turn me in the “right” direction. I was plagued by “what ifs. “What if I marketed my business one way and it was the wrong way? What if I didn’t respond to a request for proposal and it was “meant to be?”

In my daily meditation, I receive answers to my questions about which direction I should take. It’s difficult to describe what happens but I’ll try. I’ll think of something I’m planning to do and some plans will generate a feeling of absolute certainty and excitement and others will fall flat—it’s as if I presented the idea to a panel of judges and I either get a unanimous “thumbs up” or the panel acts as if they didn’t even hear me.

When I feel that surge of positive emotion for an idea, I am then inspired to take action and I know it will turn out well for me (and it does).

• I feel connected to who I really am. We are all born with an inner guide that I believe is our connection to Source Energy. Some people refer to this guide as their soul; others call it gut instinct or intuition. Whatever you call it, it is always guiding you but not through your thoughts. It guides you through your emotions. When you feel positive emotion, it is your guide saying, “If you stay focused where you are focused, you are really going to like the results.” The strong surge of positive emotion I receive in meditation when I think of something I’m planning to do is a very clear message from my guidance system that I am on the right track.

Beyond that, I experience a very strong connection to my highest self and I am completely confident that I am being guided to my highest good. It is a delicious experience.

Whether, like me, you suffer from depression or melancholy or you simply want your life to get better than it is now, I highly recommend you try meditation. Thirty minutes, usually in the morning, is what works for me. I use a meditation tape but you don’t need one. You can listen to classical music, sounds of nature or nothing at all.

There are two highly effective ways to meditate:

1. Empty your mind of thoughts. Focus on your breath. When a thought occurs, simply notice it and go back to focusing on your breathing.

2. Go on a rampage of appreciation. This is by far the quickest and most satisfying way to connect to Source Energy. As you journey through all the people and things you appreciate in your life, the positive emotions will be the best high you’ve ever experienced. It’s your personal oasis.

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Defeating Fear

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 00:45:00 +0000

Silver is travelling. Please enjoy a repeat of this column from October, 2002:

I’ve felt the presence of an old adversary this week – Fear. I don’t care much for Fear. We lived together for about 30 years of my life and when I finally tossed him out, I thought it was for good.

But Fear is a sneaky guy. He patiently waits for an opening and makes himself right at home, as comfortable as if he never left.

At first, I didn’t even notice he was there. The feeling was so familiar it felt like a cozy old sweater. It wasn’t long, however, before it started to make me itch. In very short order, I had a full-blown rash. I am, you see, allergic to Fear. Everyone is.

That’s when I became aware that Fear was back in my life. I immediately began to look for the tools I’ve used in the past to successfully banish him. Here they are:

• Identify what you’re afraid of. Whatever it is, it’s ALWAYS something that you do not want. Once you see what it is that you don’t want, ask yourself, “Okay, what DO I want?” (Usually the exact opposite of what you don’t want.)

• Once you’ve identified what you want, put your full attention on it. What will it be like when you have it? How will you feel? Where are you, physically? What environment are you in? Who is there with you? Paint a compelling picture. You’ll know you’ve succeeded when you feel as if you’ve already gotten what you want.

• Take action.

Action cancels fear – every single time.

• Focus on the solution. Fear thrives in any environment in which people are looking at the problem instead of the solution.

• Ask yourself, “Is everything okay right this minute?” Usually fear is about something we’re afraid might happen.

Worry is using your imagination to attract something you DON’T want.

- Esther Hicks

Fear will always be with us. It actually serves an excellent purpose. When we feel it in the pit of our stomach, it is a clear signal that we are in the process of attracting something we definitely do not want. As one of the Emotional Messengers that guide us through life, Fear’s purpose is to let us know when we are seriously off course in the pursuit of achieving what we want. Once we learn to read Fear for what it is—a signal that we need to make a course correction—we can take the action that will put us back on track. Having fulfilled its purpose, Fear leaves.

So you see, it wasn’t really an adversary that visited me this week. Fear is simply a messenger. I read the message, am making the course correction, and things are getting back on track, and rather quickly.

That’s the way the Law of Attraction works—you get more of what you focus on! Fear can help you to identify when it’s time to shift your focus.

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What's Your Dream?

noreply@blogger.com (Silver Rose) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:13:00 +0000

Here is what all negative emotion is. It is what you feel when you are focused on something that separates you from who you really are. For example, while you focus on the economy with the conviction that it’s a terrible mess and “we’ll never survive,” your Inner Guide is focused on all the positive aspects of the same economy. The fear or anger or frustration you feel (depending on how strongly you are focused) is the rift between you and your Inner Guide who refuses to agree with you. Your Inner Guide is not fighting you—you’re fighting It. That’s what all negative emotion is—the separation between you and who you really are.

Most would agree that there are many people who are thriving despite what you see on the news day after day. And I’m not talking about those who use the situation to take advantage of people. I mean the many ethical, good people who have not experienced problems due to the economy or, if they have, are using the challenges to progress in a positive direction.

It turns out that the old adage, “You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution,” is a great way to tap the power of the Law of Attraction which says, “You get more of what you focus on.”

Those who are focused on the problem are fighting their Inner Guide and attracting more problems. Those who are focused on the solution are aligned with their inner guidance system and attracting more possibilities.

Susan Boyle is a great example of the power of the Law of Attraction. A 47-year-old woman from a small village in Scotland, her dream was to be a professional singer. She spent her entire life lining up the energy to get to where she wanted to go. As life circumstances caused her focus to shift over the years (her buy-in to the cruel things people said about her appearance, the need for her to care for her ailing mother, etc.), her focus on the dream ebbed and flowed but she never gave up. Every time she focused on her dream with the belief that it could happen, her Inner Guide agreed and Susan was aligned with who she really is. Whenever she focused on how impossible it was, she was fighting her Inner Guide and she felt dejected.

It’s very clear that the majority of Boyle’s focus was on the belief that achieving her dream was possible. How do I know? Let’s look at the evidence. Her dream did not come true as it does for many singers—step-by-step over a period of years as they struggle to make a living doing what they love. Instead, when Boyle was finally in a position to achieve her dream (her Mom had passed away and she was mature enough not to let cruel people convince her that someone who looks like her could never be a professional singer), she rendezvoused with the television show Britain’s Got Talent and the rest is history. She stepped out on the stage and was greeted with disrespect and snickers. When she walked off the stage she was a professional singer whose You-Tube video received millions of hits in the first week. She and her magnificent voice became world famous overnight. That was one powerful alignment of energy.

Her overnight success threw her into a tailspin but that’s probably because, when she envisioned her dream, she never looked past “wowing” audiences. That part has come true and so has her ability to make money with her voice. Now it’s up to Boyle to use her focus to attract the kind of career she wants. The possibilities are limitless and I trust she’ll have what she wants—she’s already demonstrated her ability to harness the Law of Attraction to her advantage.

Can you achieve your dreams more quickly than Boyle did? Absolutely; people do so every day. What’s required is to stay in harmony with your Inner Guide. When you are feeling positive, you are in alignment and the fulfillment of your desires is headed your way.

Susan Boyle “dreamed a dream” and it made her an international inspiration. What’s your dream? What are you waiting for?

To see Susan’s amazing debut, click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

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