The Fix is In
All my life I have wanted to solve my own problems by fixing the problems of others. It’s always been much easier to see what they need to do. I fantasized that, as I went about my altruistic duties of healing the world, I would magically transform into Saint Silver, perfect in my ability to lead an exemplary life. Much to my dismay, this seemingly foolproof plan has not worked.
Clearly the formula is flawed…or is it?
In the midst of begrudgingly admitting that spending energy on the problems of others was merely a way to avoid looking at my own, I realized that there is a major advantage to doing so (although the profit is mine alone; the other person certainly doesn’t benefit).
When you start itching to give “helpful” advice OR start obsessing about someone else’s behavior you have stumbled upon a simple and quick way to uncover something in you that needs to be resolved.
To be completely blunt about it, what we judge harshly, we fear that we are.
• If you question another’s skills or intelligence, it’s because you’re
insecure about your own;
• When you criticize the appearance of someone, you fear you don’t look good;
• Getting angry when someone doesn’t do enough is a reflection of a
self-assessment that you don’t either.
We do this every day. We continually judge and evaluate, all in an attempt to comfort ourselves that although we may not be perfect, we’re not that bad!
Where this shows up most blatantly is in how we treat children. When I was a child my father used to say, “Do as I say, not as I do.” He was very clear that he was the adult and therefore got to do what he wanted and that I was the child and needed to bend to his will. If you grew up in a similar household, you were probably determined not to treat your own children this way. We don’t say the hypocritical words but we model the behavior.
• We tell our children they should be dedicated to their goals while they watch
us consistently sabotage our own;
• We caution them that decisions they make today will impact the rest of their
lives but pay no attention to the decisions we’re making that will do the
same for us;
• We want our children to have a positive attitude while we’re complaining
about everything in sight.
I use this example about children because it’s so clearly obvious when we are being hypocritical with them. Truthfully, we exhibit this behavior in nearly all our relationships—do as I say, not as I do.
The Law of Attraction says that you attract more of what you focus on. The more you focus on the flaws of others—adult or child—the more you’ll become keenly aware of these same attributes in you. The way to transform these flaws is to remove your focus from what you don’t want and put it squarely on what you do.
If you want your child, for example, to become dedicated to their goals, show them what it looks like by becoming committed to yours. The more you work on the solution yourself, the more likely you are to attract the same behavior in others.
Ultimately, you can “fix” no one but yourself but do not underplay the power of influence. The more you adopt the behaviors you want to see in others, the more you will attract them around you.
You still won’t be a saint but life will seem more heavenly.