Passionate Self Care – Stop Struggling and Seek Solutions
Do you have a history of struggling? Is this one reason you need to learn how to practice Passionate Self Care, because you’re worn out from the fight?
One of my favorite quotes about this is from Stuart Wilde, a British writer and Renaissance man:
Effort is a natural part of our physical state, but struggle is effort laced with emotion, and that is unnatural and unholy.
We tend to admire those who struggle to overcome adversity and dislike those whose efforts bring them success too easily. We cheer for Rocky and Slum Dog Millionaire and malign Bill Gates. If Gates had been poor as a child or were wheelchair-bound, we would be thrilled that he’s making all that money. But he wasn’t and he isn’t.
And therein lies the trap. We have created a rule that says, “In order to be successful, then I must struggle,” and we end up turning mere problems into adversity.
Psychiatrist Theodore Isaac Rubin wrote something that is both funny and profound:
The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.
Who told you life would be problem-free? Did either of your parents sit you down when you were a small child and say, “Don’t spend a moment worrying, sweetie. Life is a piece of cake. You will have no trouble at all”? Of course they didn’t. And yet, we seem so surprised when problems reveal themselves. We get upset. We take it personally as if some higher being is testing us.
Instead of struggling with problems, tap your instinct for solutions. Human beings LOVE to solve problems and you’re no different. Don’t you enjoy solving other people’s problems? Problem solving builds self-esteem and makes life incredibly interesting.
If I haven’t yet convinced you, here is what you might want to consider. The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. As long as you are focused on your struggle, you will attract additional circumstances that cause you even more struggles.
On the other hand, if you seek solutions, then your focus is on well, solutions and you will attract more ideas for solving whatever dilemma you face. The more solution oriented you are, the easier life is. Struggle will be something you look back on shaking your head, wondering why you made life so difficult.
The next time you find yourself struggling do two things:
- Identify the problem you are trying to solve; and
- Ask, “What are some possible solutions?”
Then sit quietly and wait. The solutions will come to mind. If like me, you need to brainstorm with others, then gather one or more and go through steps 1 and 2 together.
The truth about life is: change is inevitable; struggling is optional. To practice Passionate Self Care, it is necessary to give up struggling. It will feel strange at first but I promise you won’t miss it.