So here I am in Phoenix, lock stock and barrel. Moving is one of those really big life changes that brings on all sorts of unexpected emotions. I’ve moved a lot in my life; it’s part of my adventurous nature. I’m actually pretty good at it, logistics wise, and I’m usually good at it emotionally, as well. This time is different. This time I am “starting over,” without my best friend/soul mate Bill. I have moved to a city wherein we have no shared memories and that’s kind of weird. Also, I moved in one day before the six-month anniversary of his transition and that unleashed a lot of grief.
So what to do? I am someone who believes that you get more of what you focus on and here I am focused on my loss. There are many schools of thought about this ranging from the oft-quoted “Five Stages of Grief” by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (which, as it turns out she developed as a way to have a conversation about grief, not as a roadmap) to the simpler philosophy, “Life is for the living.”
There is also much theory tossed around about the negative impact of “stuffing your emotions” which often ends in the warning, “Pay now, or pay later.”
My friend Sharon who spent time on the phone with me yesterday in response to my cry for help pointed out that much of the way we grieve is cultural, not necessarily natural. In many societies human death is accepted as part of the circle of life. They would no more grieve over a human death than that of an ant (this is my example, not hers). I’m sure that shocks us Westerners. We seem to spend a lot of time dwelling in the negative around the topic of death. Ironically, we also seem to wallow in the negative around the topic of life.
I am gravitating toward remembering and indulging my own beliefs in this arena: whenever I experience negative emotions, it is because my Inner Guide has separated from me because She doesn’t agree with what I am focused on. It is that separation from Source that feels so awful. And it does—feel awful.
I believe that Source means for us to live joyous lives, no matter the circumstances. Most of us have heard the comparison of the happy peasant and the miserable King. It all comes down to focus. What do I choose to focus on?
Sharon, who is one of the wisest women I know boiled it down to the words of that brilliant philosopher Dr. Seuss:
Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.
I have decided to smile. And, to celebrate my return to my center, I shall eat green eggs and ham for breakfast!