Whole Lotta Changing Going’ On!

Lots of change going on in my life, how about you?

I’m learning to live alone or, more specifically, without Bill. I am re-launching my business. And, as many of you know, in February I moved back to Phoenix and am slowly reemerging into this community.
It’s a mixed bag but I don’t think my situation is unique. Most of us are going through continual changes, some big, some small. What I have discovered is that the size of the change doesn’t usually matter but our approach to it does.

If we react to change from a victim’s standpoint, then getting a hangnail can make us think our world is falling apart. And because the Law of Attraction dictates that “you get more of what you focus on,” then focusing on how the world is out to get you will bring to you more evidence that you are right; the world actually IS out to get you!

Years ago I heard a psychologist speak at a conference. His job was to mediate employee complaints. He said something that really caught my attention, “When you react to a situation, the adult has vacated your body and has been replaced by a small child.”

Think about that.

When we are in react mode, doesn’t it feel like that? We all have different styles:  some pout, some shout, some throw things about (hey, I’m channeling Dr. Seuss!) but it’s all childlike behavior and not constructive.

This psychologist went on to say, “When we respond to a situation, the adult is in control.”  When our “adult” is in control, then things can get resolved.

Make no mistake there are days when my child comes out in full force. I have temper tantrums inside the walls of my home. I sob. I complain, “Why me?”  But when the adult re-emerges, what she says to me is, “Why not you? Why should you be exempt from pain?”

It seems to me that all painful change has to do with love. The more we love something or someone, the greater the pain when it’s over. Whether it’s a job we love that changes into something we don’t, a home we lose, financial security we grew accustomed to that is gone, or a pet that grows old before our eyes, it all centers around what we love.  The greater the loss, the greater the pain. I don’t know about you but I wouldn’t have missed those times for the world. As much as it hurts to be without (fill in the blank) wasn’t it wonderful while it lasted?  And, as a friend reminded me when I suffered a great loss, “You attracted it once, you can attract it again.”

But not while I am being a victim and not while I am reacting. The only solution for replacing someone or something you love is to find another outlet for your love. It is the pain of not loving that leaves us the most victimized.

Maya Angelou passed away this week and with her, a great talent. Her legacy lives on in her wonderful words. She lived a life of extraordinary success and love, and unspeakable pain. In fact, her pain was so unspeakable that, as a child, she went for several years without uttering a word. She is a living example of someone who knew how to Dance With Change.