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djadminsr
In a Success Magazine article entitled Goal-Setting Doesn’t Work, Darren Hardy wrote that setting a goal is only part of what we need to do to attract what we want from life. Once a goal is set, we need to ask, “What kind of a person do I need to be to achieve that goal?”
Let’s say you want a promotion at work. Asking Hardy’s question will take you so much further and quickly. What kind of a person do you need to be to get that promotion?
• How would that person feel?
• How would that person act?
• How would that person look?
• How would that person interact with co-workers and/or clients?
You might, for example, need to be the type of person who:
• Imagines what it would feel like to have the promotion. Once you know that feeling, make sure you feel that way as you move through your days toward your new role.
• Has the self-confidence of someone who would be promoted into that position.
• Looks the part—you dress the way someone who already has the promotion would.
• Works the number of hours that someone in that role would.
• Does everything you can to learn about the new job because you know it’s coming.
• Doesn’t get involved in petty gossip at work.
• Gives the majority of your attention to what you’re doing versus what other people are or are not doing.
Oftentimes this is called “acting as if” but it’s deeper than that. It’s actually “being as if,” i.e., adopting the feelings you know you’ll have when you receive the promotion.
Joy has been (ironically, given her name) adrift in negativity since her divorce over a year ago. She came to me for some coaching so I asked her, “How do you want to feel?” She replied, “I want to wake up singing.” I replied, “That’s simple! You will wake up singing when you wake up singing!”
You see, like so many of us, she was looking for something to inspire her to wake up singing. That’s backward. When you are the kind of person who wakes up singing, something is guaranteed to come along that will inspire you and your songs will get even sweeter.
The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When your feelings and your actions match those of the future you who has already achieved what you are now setting your sights on, then you will achieve your goal or something similar that will make you feel the same way.
I have a friend who has made quite a lot of money in his life but like most wealthy
people, he has had setbacks. Over dinner last week, he regaled me with stories about some of those “failures.” As I asked clarifying questions, he began to see that most of those so-called failures actually lead to specifically related opportunities for even greater gain down the road. If he had quit when it looked like he wasn’t getting what he set out to, he would have missed these opportunities.
In other words, if you don’t receive the promotion, it’s not over. There is probably something even bigger on its way that you would have missed if you received the promotion. Just keep “being” the kind of person who receives promotions and watch what happens.
No matter what you want, the achievement of it happens much more quickly and easily when you figure out what type of person you need to be to get there.
All roads point to “being.” Who do you want to be?
Are you Stressed? Time to HALT!
Everyone who has a job today is working very hard. (Okay, okay, for those of you who immediately thought of someone who’s not pulling his weight, let me rephrase.) Most people who have jobs today are working very hard.
I hear about impossible workloads, frustration, anger, illness and stress. And I ask, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”
“What!?!?” you may very well cry, “I’m not doing this to myself – my organization is.”
I know it seems like that but it’s simply not true. Allow me to explain.
While it’s true that you are being given impossible amounts of work to do, only you have the power to generate stress within yourself.
The state of stress is a reaction to outside stimuli. When the stimulus is comprised of spoken words or behavior we witness, that alone cannot generate the stress—that comes from you and your internal/external dialogue.
The exception to this, of course, is if someone were to do something physical to you. While there are people who have trained themselves to detach and not react to beatings or other means of torture, it is a natural human instinct for the brain to release stress hormones in reaction to physical duress. These same hormones are released when the danger is not real if we manage to convince our minds that it is real (as in how we react when there is too much work to do).
The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. By focusing on how difficult everything is, how impossible the demands are and how much you dislike what you are currently doing, you are causing yourself more stress than any other person could IF they had the power to cause you stress, which they don’t.
I once attended a class in human behavior and the professor, a Ph.D. in psychology taught us that, when you react to any situation, the adult has vacated your body and a small child has taken its place. Stress is a reaction, not a response.
When you take the time to come up with a strategy of response to challenging stimuli, your stress will begin to dissipate and could eventually disappear. But what do we most often do? We whip ourselves into frenzy by thinking or telling anyone who will listen how wrong all of this is and how much we are suffering. And yet, the only one who can relieve your suffering is you. This is actually very good news because that puts you in the driver’s seat.
Train yourself to notice the symptoms of stress; they are different for everyone. I unconsciously clench my fists. I have one friend who whistles and another who nervously taps her pen.
Once you’ve noticed that you are under stress, HALT. This is an acronym I borrowed from 12-step programs. Ask yourself:
H – Are you hungry? Low blood sugar contributes to stress in all sorts of ways. If you are hungry, eat something that is good for you. A chocolate bar may taste yummy but will spike your blood sugar and you’ll crash even lower. Some form of protein is your best bet.
A – Are you angry? If you are, figure out what to do about it but make sure it isn’t something that will escalate the problem. What helps me is to figure out what’s funny about the situation. Most of the things I get really angry about are pretty funny in the bigger scheme of things.
L – Are you lonely? Oftentimes, we are stressed because we feel unsupported. Reach out to someone who always makes you feel appreciated.
T – Are you tired? This is a tough one because so often we ignore fatigue in favor of getting more work done. The best thing you can do for yourself when you realize you are tired is to make plans to go to bed at least 1-2 hours earlier than normal that same night and get some sleep. You will be much more productive for the remainder of the week.
There is no doubt that these are stressful times. If you use the power of your mind coupled with the Law of Attraction, you’ll find that, not only will you weather the storm; you can actually reside within the eye where all is peaceful and calm.
Happy 2010
New Year
New Goals
New Hopes
New Dreams
Will this be the year you allow into your life all the things you’ve been summoning with your desire?
The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. What will the theme of your focus be this year?
Will your focus be on enjoying your work more? Then you must put your attention on all the things you enjoy and turn a blind eye to the things that annoy you.
Will your focus be on getting that raise or promotion? Then find out what the criteria are and put your full attention on fulfilling them.
Would you like your relationships to be more satisfying? Then it is important that you develop the habit of continually looking for what you like in the other person rather than what needs to be changed or corrected.
Would you like to enjoy life more? It’s not rocket science. All that is required to enjoy life is to enjoy life! No magic formula; no mantras or affirmations to remember. Just enjoy!
You were born to have all that you want. If you don’t, then the first place to look for what’s gone wrong is your focus (also known as your attention.)
• Do you focus on what you don’t have or on your blessings? I’m continually surprised to read about all the surveys taken that say there is an epidemic of job dissatisfaction in this country. This is problematic for two reasons: (1) having a job, especially in this economy is a gift. There are thousands who would gladly trade places with you and put up with whatever you’re dealing with if only they could get a paycheck to feed their families; and (2) if you’re dissatisfied and stay focused on all the reasons why, you’ll never get out of the job you dislike so much! Or worse, you’ll get a new job and discover the same problems as you had in the first. You get more of what you focus on.
• Do you focus on what’s right in your world or on what’s wrong? Notice I said “your world,” not “THE world.” One of the most useful tools in my recovery from a 30-year depression was the realization that I cannot change the world but I can change my corner of it. Before I got into action, I spent a lot of time pointing out all the reasons the world was doomed. Once I began doing something to improve my corner, that hopelessness began to lift.
• Do you focus on the attributes you like about your family and friends or on all those things that annoy you? Everyone, including you, is annoying to someone. You cannot help it and here’s why: you’re not annoying them; they’re choosing to regard you as annoying. You cannot control how others feel about you but you can control how you feel about them. You have a choice between letting their behavior annoy, have no impact at all, or charm. Before you make the choice, remember that you get more of what you focus on.
The simplest way to get all the things you desire in 2010 is to choose to be in love every single day: with yourself, with your family and friends, with your job, with your boss (yes, your boss!) and co-workers and with all the big and little things that make up your life.
Or, as my wise friend Sarah says, “You want to be happy? GO AHEAD!”
I wish you a fulfilling year of primarily focusing on whatever brings you joy. For me, you definitely fall into that category.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Give to Yourself
It’s hard to believe we are wrapping up the first decade of the new century. Time flies and it seems to have little to do with whether we are having fun.
As we move into the first year of a new decade (I like that—it makes it seem so dramatic!) it seems an opportune time to consider what we want to attract into our lives.
One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned as I’ve studied how to apply the Law of Attraction to my life is that you must give whatever it is you want to get.
For example, I hear many complaints about bosses who are poor managers. “My boss never tells me when I’m doing something right but is very quick to point out when I’ve done something wrong,” is a common lament. I’ve no doubt that’s true. We are a society that is more comfortable pointing out problems than focusing on what’s going right. If this is one of your complaints, take a moment to answer this question, “How often do you point out to yourself the things you are doing right?” Do you pat yourself on the back regularly or are you always chiding yourself about procrastination, mistakes and your work performance?
You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself!
Keep this in mind as you venture forth into the new year. What is it that you want more of in your life and how can you give it to yourself?
Do you want more respect? Then take a look at whether you are practicing self-respect. For example, let’s say you find that people are late to appointments with you, cancel at the last minute or don’t show up at all. There’s a good chance that you don’t keep the appointments you make with yourself. If you tell yourself you’re going to exercise, do you keep that appointment or do you allow other things to get in the way? When you take a vacation day from work do you use it to relax or are you still working? Others won’t keep their word with you until you keep your word with yourself.
You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself!
Like most people, I want to be recognized for the value of my work. If I don’t first recognize it myself, then accolades are unlikely to show up. I’ve noticed over the years that the prouder I am of the work I do, the more people tell me in person or write to tell me how much they value that very same work.
You cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself!
Longshoreman-philosopher Eric Hoffer wrote, “You can never get enough of what you really don’t want.” I am a recovering alcoholic. When I was drinking, I could never get enough because it wasn’t what I really wanted. What I was looking for in the bottle was what I felt was missing in me. That’s true whether you use food, shopping, work, sex, drugs or rock ‘n roll. Any kind of addictive behavior is comprised of trying to fill a giant hole with something that can never fill it!
A friend of mine who is also in recovery tells the following story: I went to my counselor, very excited because I had finally figured out what my problem was—I wasn’t loved enough. Instead of offering me a comforting pat on the back, my counselor instead said, “Gary, let me tell you something. We could get the United Nations to issue a proclamation declaring tomorrow Love Gary Day. The highlight of Love Gary Day is that everyone in the world stops at noon, turns in your direction and sends waves of love to you. And it would not be enough. Addicts are the black hole of love. If you think you’re not loved enough, there is only one solution—love!”
That is Law of Attraction in a nutshell. You give what you want to get because while you are giving it, you are focused on it and you always get more of what you focus on.
This is a wonderful time of year to take a good, long look at all that we have collected—toys, friends, accolades, complaints, “stuff,” debt, etc.—and ask ourselves, “Is this what I really want?” If the answer is no, figure out what you do want and give it to yourself because you cannot attract something you won’t give to yourself.
The Magical Power of Physiology
The way we carry ourselves, the position of our bodies has an amazing impact on how we feel and yet, how much attention do we pay to this?
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately as I watch how people walk. Yes, you read that correctly—how people walk. Some walk with arrogance; some walk with great self-confidence; and some walk as if they’re hoping no one will notice them.
For example, I am writing this column in my favorite coffee shop and I just watched a woman walk across the room with shoulders slumped and her posture folded in; she carried her body as if completely disconnected from it. When she sat down, I took a closer look and noticed that her hair, make-up and clothing were perfect. My guess is that she stands in front of her mirror in the morning thinking she looks great. And she does, if she were to simply hold that pose all day long. However, if she saw herself on film as she walks, she would realize that all the time spent on trying to look good is wasted. Her body delivers the message—to her and to the rest of the world—that she lacks self-confidence. All the outer fixings in the universe cannot change that.
Why is this important? Because your physiology delivers to your brain distinct messages about how you are feeling in the moment. If your fists or jaw are clenched, your brain interprets that as extreme duress. If you are smiling, your brain’s interpretation is that you are happy. And even if you’re dressed in rags, when you hold yourself in a pose of self-confidence, the feelings follow.
Here is the magic of physiology: your brain does not know the difference between pretend and reality—all it knows is where you are focused. This is why books, music, movies and where we place our attention have such a profound impact. Have you ever been in a perfectly good mood, gone to a sad movie and walked out feeling blue? If there were a camera on you as you watched the film you would see your physiology change in response to the story. The quickest way to recover from this is to change your physiology. It turns out that “shake it off” is sage advice.
If you were crazy enough to allow it, I could teach you how to put yourself into a state of depression. All you need to do is slump your shoulders, collapse your core so it’s mushy, cast your eyes down, frown and breathe very shallow. Within minutes, I guarantee you will feel down. If you do it for a long period of time, you will be depressed.
On the flip side, if you are already feeling down, you can pull out of it by doing the opposite: sit or stand up straight, pull your stomach muscles tight, look out at the world, grin from ear to ear and breathe very deeply. Within minutes you would feel your mood lift. Imagine how great you’d feel if you did that for a long period of time.
We are in the midst of the holidays, a time when using the magical power of physiology can mean the difference between a season that reminds you how wonderful the holidays can be or the kind you cannot wait to be over and done with.
Here are some physiological “tricks” that will quickly elevate your mood:
• Smile. If you really want to go for it, grin from ear-to-ear.
• Sing. There’s holiday music playing everywhere. When you sing along, your brain gets the message you are in a good mood.
• Laugh. This is a quick way to go from feeling stressed to feeling blessed.
• Extend the hand of friendship. Doing for others is guaranteed to elevate your mood.
• Dance. You can’t dance without music and when your brain hears music with a dance beat, it makes you—well, want to dance!
• Hang out with happy children. Kids have their priorities straight—it’s all about what makes them happy.
The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When you “act as if” you immediately shift your brain’s focus. Ask yourself how you want to feel, adjust your body accordingly and watch how quickly you feel the way you want.
That’s the magical power of physiology!