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You Attract What You Measure

By Silver Rose

You Attract What You Measure

Another way to describe how Law of Attraction works is to say, “You get what you measure.” And the words to describe what you are measuring DO matter.

I do a good deal of work in the area of employment and retention. I do NOT work in the areas of unemployment and job turnover. Why would I want to measure something we are trying to resolve? A few years ago, I spoke at a conference in Arizona. Someone there told me that unemployment on the American Indian reservations is excessive – way over the 50% mark. When I said, “Perhaps you’re measuring the wrong thing,” he looked confused and asked what I meant. “Perhaps,” I suggested, “you would do better to focus on how many are employed. Wouldn’t you rather that figure increase?” He laughed ruefully and said, “Maybe you are right.”

When I coach managers and supervisors, I focus their attention on how they measure the performance of their department as a whole and their staff individually. There is nothing more unfair to an employee than for him/her not to know how their performance is being measured. It’s not enough to ask employees to improve on “teamwork,” for example. How will that employee know when that goal has been fulfilled? How is teamwork specifically measured? If the supervisor cannot answer that question then the employee is being set up for failure and problems begin.
On the flip side of that, employees can and should insist on specific measurements for their jobs. “How is my performance measured?” is a question every employee must be able to answer if s/he wants to succeed.

Because we are in the midst of the National Basketball Association Playoffs, I have been considering how this works in professional sports, all of which are businesses with many employees. Each of those employees, whether it’s the general manager, the head coach, the other coaches or the players, all understand how they are measured. They are measured by how profitable the franchise is and what their contribution was to make it profitable.

For players, this translates into all the stats you hear announcers discussing as the game is played. Some players rarely score but are credited with “assists” which cause someone ELSE on the team to score. Others have the job of preventing the opposing team from scoring. The coach of course is measured by wins/losses.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the players who either score the most points or make the biggest contribution to the team’s success end up making the most money. They are more valuable to the team. No one in the NBA ever got a raise because of seniority or because they “worked hard.” They either produce the results or they’re out. Put that way, it seems harsh. Aren’t you glad you’re not playing in THAT arena?

You are, however, playing in a similar arena and, if you want to improve your particular “game,” measuring your results is the fastest way to get really good at what you do.

Too many of us measure ourselves against whether or not we are working hard.

If you went to a dentist who botched a filling, would you want to hear her say, “But I worked really hard to get it right!” ??? I doubt it. You’d be totally focused on the fact that you experienced unnecessary pain because of the work she did.

What are you measuring each day? If you’re measuring how hard you’re working, you are guaranteed to have to work very hard each day. Remember, you attract what you measure.

If you keep reminding yourself how much work you DON’T have done, guess what you’ll get more of?

If, on the other hand, you begin measuring yourself against how many pre-determined results you’ve achieved, you’ll be more successful and won’t have to work nearly as hard.

Have fun with this! (And measure for that, too!)

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The Rebels Among Us

By Silver Rose

The Rebels Among Us

Last week, I taught a course in Phoenix called, “It’s Work, NOT Group Therapy – Managing Emotions at Work.” It’s one of my most popular courses for a variety of reasons. Mostly, it’s because attendees come hoping I will teach them how to fix the troublemakers at work.

I cannot do that. I do, however, teach them how to have a positive influence over co-workers that is guaranteed to create a more positive work environment. The most difficult part of that formula is that many of us don’t WANT to exert a positive influence over “troublemakers.” We want to – and usually do – punish them.
We’re adults of course and have learned the rules of polite society so we usually don’t punish overtly, we are covert about it. We would never say, “Your behavior is driving me crazy.” Instead, we gossip, we use body language to try and deliver the message and, the very worst of all? We shun.

I have heard of Indian tribes who, for the most heinous of crimes by a tribe member, mete out the following punishment: they declare the perpetrator “dead” and s/he becomes invisible from that moment on. No one looks at, speaks to or in any way acknowledges that person’s existence within the tribe. It’s a horrible punishment most often resulting in the person leaving the tribe or dying, both results of a broken heart and spirit.

When we shun people within our own tribes, it is the same sort of horrible punishment. The difference? When we shun it is rarely for a heinous crime. It’s generally because that person doesn’t behave in a way that we have deemed “appropriate.” We become the judge, jury and executioner of the rebels among us.

Ironically, when we do that, the worst punishment we inflict is on ourselves.

.How does punishment make you feel? Does it make you happy? Are you proud of yourself? Does it fill you with joy?

Although it may make you self-justified, that is usually a negative emotion. For me, it always felt like grim satisfaction. It lives in the neighborhood with all my other negative emotions, across a river of fire from my positive feelings.
Why is this important? Our emotions tell us what we are attracting into our life. Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” When we take part in any form of execution, we are inviting into our lives all that is a match to that. And it gets ugly for us, fast.

At the Phoenix workshop, I had a table of rebels sitting in the back. Being one myself, I happen to love rebels. One of the reasons is because they are not afraid to let you know where you stand with them. They are open and honest about it. It’s why they are considered rebels. The rest of the world would prefer they be more “polite” and hide their true feelings. They refuse to do it.

Rebels have the audacity to think that the only person at work who has the right to correct their work or behavior is the boss. They turn a blind eye to disapproval from their co-workers. For that, they are often shunned, silently voted “out” of the tribe. And if the boss doesn’t do something quickly enough, other members of the tribe take it upon themselves to take action for him/her. Let the “shunning” begin.
If someone at work does something that doesn’t impact YOUR work or YOUR paycheck, it is simply none of your business. If it does affect you (and by “affect,” I don’t mean that it annoys you – that’s your choice), talk to that person about it directly, not with covert actions designed to leave heavy “hints” that he/she should start behaving.

The rebels among us can teach us a lot if we are willing to listen. Many of them know how to communicate, directly and clearly. If we all learned how to do the same, we would find ourselves attracting much less rebellion. The reason for it would simply go away.

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Life is an Echo

By Silver Rose

Life is an Echo

I was eavesdropping (a favorite hobby of mine) while sitting on the train. I listened to a woman talking about a co-worker with a negative attitude. “She complains about everything,” the woman moaned. “She drives me crazy. She’s bringing me down and I don’t know what to do about it.”

The irony hung heavy in the air and I’m certain this woman would have been mystified had it been pointed out to her.

The Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” If you want to know what you’re focused on, look at what you’ve got (sorry, I know that’s bad news for some of you).

Life is an echo. It continually feeds back to us what we are emanating. If, for example, you are surrounded by negativity, it’s because you are putting that out. It doesn’t matter whether you’re being negative yourself or observing negativity in others. Either way, you are focused on negativity and that is what will be echoed back.

On the days I’ve decided to be in a good mood (it’s always a choice), I’ve noticed that people respond to me in a very positive way. Strangers smile at me on the street. People open elevator doors that are already half-closed so that I can squeeze in. Drivers on the freeway let me ease into their lane. What is being echoed back to me are those circumstances that are a match to my emotion i.e., what I am emanating.

Another hobby of mine is to study people’s faces. Having lived in Los Angeles (where show business rules), I’ve seen hordes of well “put together” men and women over the years. The most attractive by far, are the ones who clearly make it a habit of being in a good mood. There are people all over the world who spend thousands of dollars on beauty products and accessories to make themselves attractive and yet neglect the one thing that will ensure it –a good disposition.

What do you want more of in your life? Do you want to be surrounded by people in a good mood? Be in one yourself. Do you want more appreciation? Start appreciating yourself and others. Do you want more money? Start paying attention to the money you have.

Whatever we focus on grows. Attention is like Miracle Grow for the object of our focus. The more we notice something the bigger it gets. If you doubt this, just discover a cavity in one of your teeth and try to keep your tongue from returning there over and over and over again.

I spoke at a luncheon yesterday and one of the women asked, “Is that why I always seem to get into the slowest line? I thought I was simply cursed, that there was some kind of evil spell.” There IS an evil spell. Unfortunately, she is the magician who mixed the potion and then drank it. Fortunately, she also has access to the antidote. As soon as she is able to surrender and say, “Whatever line I get into will be perfect,” she will be on her way to breaking the “evil spell.”

This is one of the reasons that people who hit bottom at some point in their lives end up starting to recover almost immediately. As soon as we cease struggling against something, we release our grip and it can go away.

This is why it’s so good to measure your progress on any goal you want to achieve. The more you focus on your success, the more success will come your way. Certainly every good weight loss program follows this principle as do recovery programs for people addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, etc.

Life is an echo. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, start putting out a different message – one you will be delighted to hear back.

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Enjoying the Becoming

By Silver Rose

Enjoying the Becoming

I love Spring. It’s the promise of what is to become. It’s so much fun to watch for the buds of plants to appear, knowing they will eventually become the full blooms of Summer.

I’ve been thinking of this in relation to other aspects of life. Why is it that we can enjoy the becoming of a plant but forget to enjoy the becoming of other things?
There are 3 steps to attracting what we want:
Step #1 – Ask
Step #2 – Deliver
Step #3 – Allow

We only have control over #1 (asking) and #3 (allowing). . #2 (delivery) is not our work; it is the work of the Universe.

#1 Asking is easy. We are asking all the time through the focus of our attention. Whatever you pay attention to, you are asking for more of. This is precisely why it is so important to only focus on what you want more of. If you focus on how terrible traffic is, for example, you can be sure that more gridlocks are headed your way. On the other hand, if you focus on how many courteous drivers there are, you are sure to attract a gentler commute. It’s your choice – focus on what you want or focus on what you don’t want. Either way, you’ll get it. The Law of Attraction works this way every single time.

#2 Delivery always happens. Whatever you ask for is delivered. There is a biblical adage, “Ask and ye shall receive.” It is true. Unfortunately, sometimes others receive what you asked for because you fail to engage in #3, allowing what you asked for into your life. Other times, you forget what you have asked for and so, when you receive it, you’re not impressed by what you accomplished

#3 Allowing is the more difficult of the two steps over which we have control. Somewhere along the line we were trained to think we have no influence over what happens to us or we’re afraid to be disappointed if we don’t get what we want.

Therefore, we train ourselves not to expect too much – which is exactly what we get -every time.

This week I’m going to challenge you to purposefully take control over what you attract into your life. Pick something you want that you believe can happen within a week’s time. Ask for it to be delivered by the end of the week. Then, several times a day, ask the Universe to show you signs that you are on the way to receiving what you asked for. When the signs come (and they will), your job is to ENJOY THE BECOMING.

Let’s say that one of the things you want is to have a really fun weekend. On Tuesday, you ask the Universe to show you a sign that you are on the way to receiving what you asked for. That night you get home and there is a message from a friend asking you to call if you’re free this weekend. That’s a sign. You call and they have something fun they’re putting together and want to include you. Wednesday, you ask the Universe again to show you a sign. You open up a magazine and see an article about the very thing your friend just invited you to do. Now it’s getting fun!. On Thursday, you ask for yet another sign that it’s going to be a great weekend. You put your hand in your jacket pocket and find $20 you forgot was there – the entrance fee for another event you wanted to go to and didn’t think you could afford.

The becoming usually looks like a series of “coincidences” that, in fact, you are attracting because of your attention to what you want. The more you pay attention to the fact that “it’s coming,” the faster it will arrive. Isn’t that fun?

Enjoy the unfolding. The joy is in the journey. Enjoy the becoming. These are all different ways to say the same thing. What none of them say, however, is that the more you enjoy watching for signs that what you want is coming, the more certainty that it is on its way – soon!

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Priority versus Importance

By Silver Rose

Priority versus Importance

In my coaching practice, I work with quite a few managers who are director level or above. What might surprise many of their employees is the angst each of them suffers as they wrestle with the impact that “being the boss” has on relationships with the co-workers who report to them.

Their angst is well-earned. It comes from several areas:
(1) Dealing with employee issues such as hurt feelings, work-related stress, co-workers who cannot work together as a team, and the endless reporting in the media of lawsuits by employees for legitimate as well as imagined wrongs.
(2) The manager’s sincere desire to work as a team instead of in a “boss/subordinate” relationship. (Most really don’t enjoy “having to boss people around.”)
(3) A hypersensitivity to sending the message to employees that their contribution is of equal importance to that of the boss.

Perhaps what we’ve forgotten, in our zeal to make sure that employees’ self-esteem remains intact, is the conversation about importance versus priority.

If the boss wants something done and you ask, “Is this more important than the task I am doing?” and she says, “Yes,” is she telling you that her job is more IMPORTANT than yours? No, she is telling you that what she wants done is of higher PRIORITY. You might not agree. To be blunt, that doesn’t matter. It is your job to do as she has asked.

A significant part of any boss’ role in the organization is to establish priorities for the department that will ensure its success. That’s what she is held accountable for by her boss. By the way, sometimes she chooses priorities that turn out to be wrong. When that happens in a healthy organization, she is held fully accountable. She doesn’t get to blame her staff. The buck stops at her desk.

A number of years ago, a straight-shooting boss of mine told me, “Your job, in a nutshell, is to make me succeed.” At the time, I thought, “Well, you egotistical so-and-so.” Now I understand what he was saying. The delivery may have been questionable but the message was valid. I worked for the department. He was head of the department. Therefore, I worked for him and my job was to make him (and therefore the department) succeed.

A smart boss will find a way for employees to do this enthusiastically. However, being nice is not part of a manager’s job description. Just because your boss might not have a personality that makes your heart sing, it doesn’t mean that you get to decide whether or not you follow his instructions. (By the way, of COURSE you shouldn’t put up with any abuse or carry out any instructions that are illegal or unethical.)

When I was in my early 30’s, I got a new boss that everyone agreed was a jerk. He once told me that, even though I had the title of department manager, my job was that of a “glorified office manager” (his words) and that I was overpaid. I went to a friend of mine who was President of a very successful company and asked his advice on how to handle it. He said, “Just put your head down and do your job.” It was good advice. I did everything I could to make my new boss successful (admittedly with gritted teeth). My efforts were not enough. He got fired. I stayed. And the “higher ups” noticed I had been a team player during a difficult time.

Here are some ways to help your boss succeed:
1. Make sure the goals you are given are specific and measurable so that it’s very clear when you’ve achieved them.
2. Use the word “priority” versus “important” so that all are clear. Instead of, “How important is this?” ask “What priority does this have in relationship to my other tasks?”
3. Don’t vote on a request (even in your head if you can avoid it). Just do it. Preferably with a good attitude.

The Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” If you are focused on making your boss/ department successful, how successful do you think you might be? Think of what THAT would do to your self-esteem!