Kindness as a Gateway

By Silver Rose

Kindness as a Gateway
Attracting What You Want
I watched Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS last night conducting his new workshop on the topic of intention. By the way, his work parallels mine completely and I strongly encourage you to take advantage of any opportunity to see him or read his books.
Wayne gave some information that will probably not surprise you but which you may find intriguing, as I did. He said that studies have shown that when a person receives a kindness, their serotonin levels go up. Seratonin is a hormone that acts as a natural tranquilizer and gives us a feeling of well being. According to Dr. Daniel Amen in his book, Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, “Depression, according to the simple bio-chemical model, is due to a lack of serotonin.”
Not only does the serotonin increase for the person receiving the kindness but it also increases for the person extending the kindness. It gets even better. If you witness a kindness, your serotonin level goes up, as well. It seems the old adage, “A good deed is a reward unto itself,” is true.
When you combine this information with the universal Law of Attraction which says, “You attract what you focus on,” it becomes very powerful to both extend kindness and to look for it in the world.
I started to think about this in the context of my own life. One of the phenomena I’ve been wrestling with since the death of an elderly relative two years ago is just how much I miss the act of caring for her and also for my two foster daughters who were with me at the time. It was hard work. There were many sleepless nights. There was economic deprivation. And yet, when I look back on that time, I was happier than I’ve ever been. I’ve often questioned why and certainly I had some ideas. I knew it had something to do with being of service. I understood that I was too busy to indulge in feeling sorry for myself. And I felt proud of what I was doing.
When I heard Dyer explain about the link between kindness and serotonin, it all made sense to me. Not only was I increasing my own serotonin by being kind to my loved ones but I was increasing theirs, as well. In turn, they were kind to me, creating a reciprocal effect. Additionally, I witnessed many people outside the immediate family who were kind to us all and it often brought tears of gratitude to my eyes.
I now see kindness as a gateway to attracting what you want. You see, the only reason we want what we want is because we think it will make us feel good to have it. Because of the way the Law of Attraction works, you cannot attract something that will make you feel good if you are feeling bad. There is simply no match; opposites do NOT attract, no matter how you try. Therefore, in order to attract whatever you want, it is imperative that you stay in a good mood as much as possible. It seems one of the easier ways to do that is to practice kindness and to look for kindness in the world. Your serotonin will naturally increase, you’ll feel good and you will begin attracting even more of what will make you feel good.
Indeed, when I was taking care of others, more of the things I wanted were coming my way. Now that I have all the time in the world to think about ME and MY needs, less of what I want is showing up. I knew it was the Law of Attraction at work but I was struggling for how to turn it around. Now I see the simple answer.
By the way, I want to ensure that kind acts include being kind to yourself. No matter how kindly you are to others, if you are internally “beating yourself up,” it won’t work. You must also practice random acts of kindness when practicing self-care. In fact, it is much easier to be kind to others when you are kind to yourself as a regular practice.
This week, make it your job to practice kindnesses. And watch the magic happen.

Top 10 Ways to Prevent Stress

By Silver Rose

The Top 10 Ways to Prevent
Stress, Burnout & Chaos

I’ve been leading a teleclass (a workshop delivered over the telephone) entitled, How to Get More Done With Less. As always, we teach what we most need to learn. I’ve gotten just as much from leading the class as participants have received – maybe more.

During last week’s session, I presented the Top 10 Ways to Prevent Stress, Burnout & Chaos and the feedback was tremendous. People seemed to really like these reminders. And so, I want to share them with you. With a tip of the hat to David Letterman who invented this top 10 list format, here they are:

#10 Schedule leisure time & commit to it. There’s a reason it’s called “a break.” Use it to relax. Take a walk. Read a chapter of a book. Call a friend. But don’t use it to work. If you actually take some leisure time during the day – on your break and at lunch – you will find you are significantly more productive during the rest of your day.

#9 Look for reasons to laugh. Laughter is one of the greatest stress reducers of all time. I’m always intrigued by the statement, “A year from now, we’ll laugh about this.” I say, “Why not laugh about it NOW?!?” If nothing else, laugh at how dramatic you are being. In fact, when you’re having a fit because the copy machine is jammed, I want you to put the back of your hand against your forehead and, with a chuckle, give the martyr’s salute.

#8 Give yourself permission to enjoy what you are doing. It is truly okay to like your work, even if everyone around you is moaning and groaning. Often, we go along with the crowd to our detriment. You don’t have to be vocal about how much you’re enjoying your work. It can be your little secret. The more you enjoy your work, the less stress you will experience.

#7 Consciously slow down and breathe. I added this one to the list several months ago when I experienced the following: I was preparing for a trip. I was already packed and had plenty of time to spare. As I showered, I found myself frantically shampooing my hair as if I were in a rush. It was the Indy 500 of hair-washing. Suddenly, I became aware of it and said out loud, “WHAT are you DOING?!? Slow the heck down!” As I thought about it, I realized I do that about a lot of things. Do you? Do you automatically assume you have to rush? Has rush turned into the only speed you have? If so, slow down – and BREATHE!!!

#6 Relax your jaw. I learned this from Richard Strozzi-Heckler when he delivered a keynote address at a conference I attended. He was leading us through a body awareness exercise and, when he got to the jaw he told us that there is never any reason for your upper teeth to hit your lower teeth. I was astonished by this. It seemed wrong somehow but, the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. I have since practiced keeping my own jaw loose and I teach others to do the same. During a one-hour class I once delivered, a woman raised her hand at the end and said, “I came in here with a massive headache. When you told us about the jaw, I consciously started to relax mine. The headache is gone.”

Remember, the Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” If the focus of your entire body, consciously or subconsciously, results in your being tense, what do you think you are attracting? That’s right – more things to make you even more tense!

It’s all about focus. Where do you want yours to be?

Next week: You will learn the final five ways to prevent stress, burnout and chaos and yes, the #1 way will be unveiled (so start practicing hearing a drum roll in your head.)

Where is your focus

By Silver Rose

Where is your focus?

Sometimes we just forget. We revert back to old habits. I’m not sure why. I just know that, to my mind, one of the great mysteries of life is why, when we know what works and what to do, we just do not do it.

Take focus, for example. If you accept the premise of the Law of Attraction, that says, “You attract more of what you focus on,” then why would you focus on anything other than what pleases you? And yet, we do. I do. You do. Even Pollyanna had her bad days.

Today I am inviting you to take a long, hard look at where your focus has been lately. Hint: if you’re not sure, look at what is in your life. That will tell you where your focus has been.

If you are aware, on a daily basis, of how fortunate you are, then I suspect you’re living a good life. If, on the other hand, you’ve been preoccupied with all the things you do not have, then I suspect, you’re missing a good many of those things.
One of the wonderful benefits of writing this column each week is that it forces me to take a look at what’s going on in my own life. Lately, I’ve noticed that my focus has not been something that…well, shall we say, I wouldn’t be proud to tell you what it has been.

I found I had slipped back into looking at what’s NOT working instead of what is. And you know what? I noticed that a whole lot more than usual is not working. (As my kids would say, “d-uh!”)

So again, I invite you to take a look at where you are focused and read just. If your television was wavy and had poor picture quality, would you just sit there and suffer? Or would you adjust the antenna until it was coming in clearly? (Or, these days, call your cable company to do so.)

Life is like that television picture. You can either put up with what you are getting or you can decide to adjust your own antenna until you are receiving what pleases you versus what you can get.

Here are some things I have started to focus on. You have my permission to “steal” any of them and make them your own:
· Mornings: I celebrate the quality of the foundational things in my life such as: the shower I get to take every morning that feels wonderful, the fluffy towel I get to use to dry off, the toothpaste that tastes so wonderful as it cleans my mouth, the clothing I get to wear, and the breakfast that I eat.
· Work: How great it is to have work, a purpose for each day and a reason to get up.

I’m grateful for the transportation that gets me there. I love the tools at my disposal such as the telephone and the computer. I’m glad to have the talent to do the work. I’m delighted to have people to do the work with. My motto: “Adults made up work as an excuse to play together.” I am playing more.
· Evenings: I have a home to go to. I have entertainment there in the form of books, games, a stereo and a television. I have 2 cats waiting patiently for me (okay, they’re cats – they wait IMpatiently – or really could care less as far as I can tell!) There is food for me to eat. And it is warm. I get to retire to a cozy bed and I am safe.
· My life in general: Hey! No parents to tell me what to do! If I want to eat ice cream for breakfast, I can do it! Remember when you couldn’t wait for THAT to happen?

Mostly, I am grateful for the awareness to BE grateful. I know lots of people with many blessings who don’t know it. And I know many people with limited blessings who think they’ve got it all.

It’s all about focus. Where do you want yours to be?

Magical Moments

By Silver Rose

Magical Moments

My friend Michelle has a very strong ability to attract what she wants when she puts her mind to it. I’ve watched her decide to make enough money to buy a new car and have the events unfold exactly the way she envisioned them. I’ve seen her buy incredibly expensive furniture for her home office at 1/5th the price of what anyone else would be charged, and have it delivered for free!

One time, I even witnessed the following: she told me the kinds of towels and rug that would be perfect for her bathroom. She described the patterns, what color the “edges” would be, and how much she wanted to pay. That same week, she walked into a linen store, described for the clerk what she wanted and the clerk walked her over to the PERFECT items, just as she had described them. Of course, they were on sale.

So, when Michelle starts one of her new “games,” I pay attention.

This year, Michelle is playing a game called, “Magical Moments.” She is tracking magical moments as they occur in her life.

Remember, the Law of Attraction says, “You attract what you focus on.” Another way to say it is, “You attract what you measure.” What do you think Michelle is attracting?

One of the most fun parts of my week is when Michelle calls me with her Magical Moments Report. Some of them are big enough to impress anyone, some of them are small. What I’ve noticed, however, is that the more her list of Magical Moments grows, the more of those moments she is having. Gee, big surprise, huh?
Big or small, Michelle delights in each and every one of them. It’s powerful when you realize and see evidence that you have control over what’s happening in your life.

Just last week, Michelle’s youngest son Matthew, old enough now to drive, had spent the night with a bunch of buddies at a friend’s house. According to Michelle, when he does that, he usually gets home around noon. Sometime around 11:30, she headed out of the house to go to the grocery store (teenage boys consume a lot of food!). As she approached a very busy intersection, she heard a group of sirens coming from the direction of the house in which her son had spent the night. As most parents would do, she offered up a simple prayer, “Please let Matthew be safe.” As she finished her prayer, she looked up and spotted her son in his car at the opposite corner. She watched in relief as several fire trucks passed by his car on the way to their work. Later that day, Michelle wrote the moment down in her book.

In a work-related moment Michelle, who is an Executive Recruiter in the Atlanta area, had booked a trip to Philadelphia to meet with some potential new clients. Because it’s her own business, she would have to pay for the trip herself. However, if she lined up some candidate interviews, she could charge the trip to a client for whom she was conducting a search. She said, “Let me get at least one interview.” She booked three. Her client was delighted to pay for the trip.

Truer words have never been written than the biblical adage, “Ask and ye shall receive.” So, too, “Be careful what you ask for,” (because you will get it). Unfortunately, most of us forget what we ask for and end up thinking we are powerless.

Magical moments are all around us if we just look for them. Unfortunately, most of the world is scanning for what they are not getting versus what they are. Make no mistake; the game of Magical Moments isn’t about noticing good things happening to you. It’s about requesting what you want and watching as the Universe lines it up for you.

Don’t wait to play this game. If you don’t have a small notebook, simply take a sheet of paper, label it “Magical Moments” at the top and place it in your wallet. Each time one happens, write it down. And watch the fun begin.

Wishing you the vision to see the magic…

Creeping Tolerations

By Silver Rose

Creeping Tolerations

I was pretty sick last week, for the second time in three months. Clearly, it was time to figure out what the heck is going on.

You see, I believe our physical well-being is a direct reflection of emotional well-being. When my body had a break-down last week, I knew I must have received numerous warning signals in the form of emotional messengers. I had simply ignored them. When you ignore emotional messengers telling you that “all is not well,” they just intensify. What starts out as a mild annoyance can turn into the flu if you don’t pay attention at the beginning.

Emotional Messengers fall into two categories: negative and positive. If you think about it, those are the only two emotions we have. We have a variety of labels for the subtle nuances – sad, angry, blue, annoyed, self-justified – in the end, those are all negative emotions.

When I was sick in bed, I began to examine my life and to gain some insight into when and how I allowed the negative emotions to gradually take over until I had to get sick in order for them to gain my attention.

I call the state I was living in, “Creeping Tolerations.”

What are creeping tolerations? They are those little things we let slip, convincing ourselves that we can tolerate them when, in point of fact, they are very slowly, like the drip-drip-drip of water torture, driving us out of our minds!

For me, they were things like:
· Getting caught up on my tax situation
· Closing out 2003 financial records
· An office that was messier than I’m comfortable with
· A car in desperate need of a wash
· A body that needed to be exercised more regularly

There are many more, but you get the picture.

Toleration is not acceptance. If I had accepted what was on my list, there would have been no water torture and no illness. I could have gone about my business, knowing I’d get to them when I could. But I pretended to accept them when, in fact, I was merely tolerating them, a victim, thinking I had no other choice. Have you ever noticed that, during those times of your life when you feel like a victim, you are less healthy, mentally and physically?

In my experience, what we tolerate defines the quality of our lives. Some of us settle for only the best, some of us are content with a middle-ground, and others tolerate less than what we want, thinking it’s all we can have.

When we tolerate less than what we want in any aspect of our lives, we are telling the Universe, “This is what I’m willing to have – nothing more.” And the Universe always gives you what you ask for, not what you need.

So, if you are experiencing any dis-ease, be it of the body, mind or spirit, take stock. What are you tolerating, pretending it’s not bothering you? With what are you putting up? Whatever it is, it’s not worth your life. Your life is made up of seconds. Every second robbed is a piece of life given up. Take yours back. I plan to.

Happy Journey,