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Reversing your Emotional Vortex

By Silver Rose

Reversing your Emotional Vortex

The key to living a life of well-being is the understanding and leveraging of the Law of Attraction which states, “You attract what you focus on.” The simplest way, although not the easiest, is to do everything in your power to stay in a positive mood. When you do, only positive things can come to you.

A vortex is a simple visual that demonstrates just how the Law of Attraction works. Think of a tornado. When your internal energy vortex is made up of positive emotions, then the cavity or vacuum within your center will draw toward it positive circumstances and events because they are a match to what you are focused on.
Conversely, when your energy vortex consists of negative emotions, then the center becomes filled with negative circumstances that match those emotions.

So, when you find yourself in a negative vortex, how do you reverse it? It’s going very fast. It’s gained lots of momentum and lots of junk along the way, and it’s only getting worse by the moment (thanks to the Law of Attraction, darn it!)

In the many years since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression, I have learned how to reverse a negative energy vortex when I get stuck in one. Today, I’m going to share that information with you.

Fortunately my depression is in remission. However, it is always lurking in the background, ready to step in should I leave a wide enough opening in a negative energy vortex.

Does this mean I’m happy all the time? Hardly. What it does mean is that, over the years, I’ve managed to slowly decrease the tolerance I have bfor wallowing in negative emotions for long periods of time.

Initially, I wallowed for years. My doctor told me I’d suffered from clinical depression since the age of four. When you’re a child and there is no one who knows how to help you release the negativity, there’s not much you can do. However, as an adult, I discovered a world of information on how to treat this depression and I’ve been working on it ever since.

Here is what I have learned about how to reverse a negative energy vortex:

Step 1: Notice it. That sounds ridiculous but often we don’t even know we’re feeling negative emotions. If you ignore them or are oblivious for awhile, don’t worry. They’ll get more intense until they are able to get your attention.

Step 2 – Name it. “I’m in a really bad mood. Do I want to stay here? Do I want to go where this is taking me?”

Step 3 – Go for a thought that brings you some relief.. You don’t go from negative to “happy camper” in 3.5 seconds or less. You work on it a little bit at a time. Set a timer for 3 minutes and use self-talk to feel just a little better. You’ll know you’ve been successful when you experience a sense of relief. It’s at that point that the energy vortex has reversed and is now a positive one. Relief is the reverse gear.

Step 4 – Keep feeding the positive vortex. Use self-talk. Use appreciation. Put on music that pleases you. Do whatever you can to continue your upward spiral.
I have been using this process for many years and can report to you that, not only does it work, it is a formula for thriving no matter what level of negativity you are in. When you master the art of reversing negative energy and turning it into an upwardly spiraling positive vortex, you have taken control of your own well-being.
Being negative takes up much, much more time and energy than being positive.

Investing the time it takes to find the reverse will pay for itself over and over in many different and wonderful ways. Give yourself this gift next time you suddenly realize you’re grumpy.

Waiting for THEM to Change

By Silver Rose

Waiting for THEM to Change

One of the most common questions I get asked in the workshops I deliver is, “How can I enjoy my work when those around me are so negative? They really get to me.”
Of course, no one likes MY responding question, “Are they getting to you or are you allowing them to get to you?”

Most of us had a parent or teacher who said to us (more than once, usually), “If Joey jumped off of a bridge, would YOU jump off, too?” We all understand that it would be nutty to emulate behavior that could end up getting us killed.

Well, I’ve got news for you. Stress DOES kill. So, when you emulate negative behavior of those around you, when you allow them to get to you, you are literally doing what your mother advised you not to do, lo! those many years ago. And it’s seriously detrimental to your health.

They are not “doing it to you.” You are using their behavior as an excuse to shut yourself off from the natural well-being that each and every one of us is entitled to.

If you are waiting for all those around you to behave in a way that will make you happy – GOOD LUCK ! You’ve got a very long wait.

The Law of Attraction says, “You get more of what you focus on.” By focusing on the negative behavior of others, you are attracting more of it to you. That is why there are such popular expressions like, “It went from bad to worse.” Of COURSE it did. By focusing all your attention on “bad,” it can only get “worse.” That is how the Law of
Attraction works!

So how CAN you enjoy your work when you are surrounded by negativity? First, you might want to challenge the idea that you are “surrounded” by negativity. This is rarely true.

I am always suspicious when someone says to me, “I came in perfectly happy, and within 10 minutes I was in a bad mood listening to everyone else gripe!” If you came into work “perfectly happy,” negativity wouldn’t occur around you. It wouldn’t be a match to you.

Usually what happens is that you come in to work mildly grumpy, but willing to be happy if the right circumstances present themselves. Of course, you immediately start to notice that others are grumpy, too (remember how Law of Attraction works). It really ticks you off because (let’s be honest here) what you were HOPING is that your coworkers would be in such a good mood when you came in that you would somehow magically “catch it” and be lifted out of your own mild grumpiness. Instead, they made it WORSE! Those idiots! (A friend of mine used to joke, “I HATE those negative jerks!”)

Not that you need it (but just in case), you have full permission to be happy regardless of how others are feeling. This includes your boss, co-workers, customers,
spouses, children, gas station attendants, and bowling team members.

You have two choices about how to be happy. You can be obviously happy (and let the chips fall where they may) or covertly happy (no one but you needs to know). Either
way, you don’t need THEM to do one darn thing in order for you to be happy. They don’t have to “carry their own load,” or “stop annoying you,” or even “shape up.”

Please hear this – other people’s moods are none of your business. You’ve got a full-time job keeping yourself on an even keel. Here’s an interesting thing, though. The
more you do what you need to stay positive, the more you will attract people around you who are kindred spirits. It’s the darndest thing. It turns out that the Law of Attraction is consistent. You always attract what you focus on!

One of the most difficult challenges in life is allowing yourself to be happy
when those around you are not.

You Attract What You Measure

By Silver Rose

You Attract What You Measure

Another way to describe how Law of Attraction works is to say, “You get what you measure.” And the words to describe what you are measuring DO matter.

I do a good deal of work in the area of employment and retention. I do NOT work in the areas of unemployment and job turnover. Why would I want to measure something we are trying to resolve? A few years ago, I spoke at a conference in Arizona. Someone there told me that unemployment on the American Indian reservations is excessive – way over the 50% mark. When I said, “Perhaps you’re measuring the wrong thing,” he looked confused and asked what I meant. “Perhaps,” I suggested, “you would do better to focus on how many are employed. Wouldn’t you rather that figure increase?” He laughed ruefully and said, “Maybe you are right.”

When I coach managers and supervisors, I focus their attention on how they measure the performance of their department as a whole and their staff individually. There is nothing more unfair to an employee than for him/her not to know how their performance is being measured. It’s not enough to ask employees to improve on “teamwork,” for example. How will that employee know when that goal has been fulfilled? How is teamwork specifically measured? If the supervisor cannot answer that question then the employee is being set up for failure and problems begin.
On the flip side of that, employees can and should insist on specific measurements for their jobs. “How is my performance measured?” is a question every employee must be able to answer if s/he wants to succeed.

Because we are in the midst of the National Basketball Association Playoffs, I have been considering how this works in professional sports, all of which are businesses with many employees. Each of those employees, whether it’s the general manager, the head coach, the other coaches or the players, all understand how they are measured. They are measured by how profitable the franchise is and what their contribution was to make it profitable.

For players, this translates into all the stats you hear announcers discussing as the game is played. Some players rarely score but are credited with “assists” which cause someone ELSE on the team to score. Others have the job of preventing the opposing team from scoring. The coach of course is measured by wins/losses.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that the players who either score the most points or make the biggest contribution to the team’s success end up making the most money. They are more valuable to the team. No one in the NBA ever got a raise because of seniority or because they “worked hard.” They either produce the results or they’re out. Put that way, it seems harsh. Aren’t you glad you’re not playing in THAT arena?

You are, however, playing in a similar arena and, if you want to improve your particular “game,” measuring your results is the fastest way to get really good at what you do.

Too many of us measure ourselves against whether or not we are working hard.

If you went to a dentist who botched a filling, would you want to hear her say, “But I worked really hard to get it right!” ??? I doubt it. You’d be totally focused on the fact that you experienced unnecessary pain because of the work she did.

What are you measuring each day? If you’re measuring how hard you’re working, you are guaranteed to have to work very hard each day. Remember, you attract what you measure.

If you keep reminding yourself how much work you DON’T have done, guess what you’ll get more of?

If, on the other hand, you begin measuring yourself against how many pre-determined results you’ve achieved, you’ll be more successful and won’t have to work nearly as hard.

Have fun with this! (And measure for that, too!)

The Rebels Among Us

By Silver Rose

The Rebels Among Us

Last week, I taught a course in Phoenix called, “It’s Work, NOT Group Therapy – Managing Emotions at Work.” It’s one of my most popular courses for a variety of reasons. Mostly, it’s because attendees come hoping I will teach them how to fix the troublemakers at work.

I cannot do that. I do, however, teach them how to have a positive influence over co-workers that is guaranteed to create a more positive work environment. The most difficult part of that formula is that many of us don’t WANT to exert a positive influence over “troublemakers.” We want to – and usually do – punish them.
We’re adults of course and have learned the rules of polite society so we usually don’t punish overtly, we are covert about it. We would never say, “Your behavior is driving me crazy.” Instead, we gossip, we use body language to try and deliver the message and, the very worst of all? We shun.

I have heard of Indian tribes who, for the most heinous of crimes by a tribe member, mete out the following punishment: they declare the perpetrator “dead” and s/he becomes invisible from that moment on. No one looks at, speaks to or in any way acknowledges that person’s existence within the tribe. It’s a horrible punishment most often resulting in the person leaving the tribe or dying, both results of a broken heart and spirit.

When we shun people within our own tribes, it is the same sort of horrible punishment. The difference? When we shun it is rarely for a heinous crime. It’s generally because that person doesn’t behave in a way that we have deemed “appropriate.” We become the judge, jury and executioner of the rebels among us.

Ironically, when we do that, the worst punishment we inflict is on ourselves.

.How does punishment make you feel? Does it make you happy? Are you proud of yourself? Does it fill you with joy?

Although it may make you self-justified, that is usually a negative emotion. For me, it always felt like grim satisfaction. It lives in the neighborhood with all my other negative emotions, across a river of fire from my positive feelings.
Why is this important? Our emotions tell us what we are attracting into our life. Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” When we take part in any form of execution, we are inviting into our lives all that is a match to that. And it gets ugly for us, fast.

At the Phoenix workshop, I had a table of rebels sitting in the back. Being one myself, I happen to love rebels. One of the reasons is because they are not afraid to let you know where you stand with them. They are open and honest about it. It’s why they are considered rebels. The rest of the world would prefer they be more “polite” and hide their true feelings. They refuse to do it.

Rebels have the audacity to think that the only person at work who has the right to correct their work or behavior is the boss. They turn a blind eye to disapproval from their co-workers. For that, they are often shunned, silently voted “out” of the tribe. And if the boss doesn’t do something quickly enough, other members of the tribe take it upon themselves to take action for him/her. Let the “shunning” begin.
If someone at work does something that doesn’t impact YOUR work or YOUR paycheck, it is simply none of your business. If it does affect you (and by “affect,” I don’t mean that it annoys you – that’s your choice), talk to that person about it directly, not with covert actions designed to leave heavy “hints” that he/she should start behaving.

The rebels among us can teach us a lot if we are willing to listen. Many of them know how to communicate, directly and clearly. If we all learned how to do the same, we would find ourselves attracting much less rebellion. The reason for it would simply go away.

Life is an Echo

By Silver Rose

Life is an Echo

I was eavesdropping (a favorite hobby of mine) while sitting on the train. I listened to a woman talking about a co-worker with a negative attitude. “She complains about everything,” the woman moaned. “She drives me crazy. She’s bringing me down and I don’t know what to do about it.”

The irony hung heavy in the air and I’m certain this woman would have been mystified had it been pointed out to her.

The Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” If you want to know what you’re focused on, look at what you’ve got (sorry, I know that’s bad news for some of you).

Life is an echo. It continually feeds back to us what we are emanating. If, for example, you are surrounded by negativity, it’s because you are putting that out. It doesn’t matter whether you’re being negative yourself or observing negativity in others. Either way, you are focused on negativity and that is what will be echoed back.

On the days I’ve decided to be in a good mood (it’s always a choice), I’ve noticed that people respond to me in a very positive way. Strangers smile at me on the street. People open elevator doors that are already half-closed so that I can squeeze in. Drivers on the freeway let me ease into their lane. What is being echoed back to me are those circumstances that are a match to my emotion i.e., what I am emanating.

Another hobby of mine is to study people’s faces. Having lived in Los Angeles (where show business rules), I’ve seen hordes of well “put together” men and women over the years. The most attractive by far, are the ones who clearly make it a habit of being in a good mood. There are people all over the world who spend thousands of dollars on beauty products and accessories to make themselves attractive and yet neglect the one thing that will ensure it –a good disposition.

What do you want more of in your life? Do you want to be surrounded by people in a good mood? Be in one yourself. Do you want more appreciation? Start appreciating yourself and others. Do you want more money? Start paying attention to the money you have.

Whatever we focus on grows. Attention is like Miracle Grow for the object of our focus. The more we notice something the bigger it gets. If you doubt this, just discover a cavity in one of your teeth and try to keep your tongue from returning there over and over and over again.

I spoke at a luncheon yesterday and one of the women asked, “Is that why I always seem to get into the slowest line? I thought I was simply cursed, that there was some kind of evil spell.” There IS an evil spell. Unfortunately, she is the magician who mixed the potion and then drank it. Fortunately, she also has access to the antidote. As soon as she is able to surrender and say, “Whatever line I get into will be perfect,” she will be on her way to breaking the “evil spell.”

This is one of the reasons that people who hit bottom at some point in their lives end up starting to recover almost immediately. As soon as we cease struggling against something, we release our grip and it can go away.

This is why it’s so good to measure your progress on any goal you want to achieve. The more you focus on your success, the more success will come your way. Certainly every good weight loss program follows this principle as do recovery programs for people addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, etc.

Life is an echo. If you don’t like what you’re hearing, start putting out a different message – one you will be delighted to hear back.