What’s in it For You?

Whether I am teaching a workshop about the topic of change or self-care or even how to get along with difficult people, the most important concept I want to convey is that the largest recipient of your kind consideration is not the other person; it is you.

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. When you focus on the negative aspects of anything, not only are you attracting more of it, you are also feeling bad. When you practice compassion by giving another person the benefit of the doubt, you immediately experience a sense of relief. That is because you are releasing the negativity you have been holding on to.

I am fighting the urge to write this blog about what may be going on with others that, if you knew, would cause you to be compassionate toward them. But that would be about them and I want to talk about you.

The naked truth is that you cannot get even with another without damaging yourself. I don’t mean damage in the karmic or moral sense. What I mean is that, whenever you respond in kind to someone’s negativity, it always hurts you.

Have you ever walked away from a conflict feeling good? You may feel justified. You may feel vindicated or even victorious but your gut is not doing any kind of a happy dance. Usually you are amped up on adrenalin and the emotions you are feeling are not at all positive.

Turning the other cheek is a kindness to yourself. Avoiding conflict is your early birthday gift.  When you take what has long been known as the high road, your soul does a happy dance because you are in alignment with your higher self. Who you are is a lover, not a fighter.

This is Passionate Self Care at its best.

My teacher Esther Hicks puts it this way, “They do not deserve your good thoughts, and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts. But you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them.”

Am I suggesting you let others walk all over you? Not at all. But meeting aggression with aggression only results in escalation. If what you’re planning to say or do causes your heart to thump with fear, then it’s not good for you. Your best course of action is to walk away and deal with the issue when you’re feeling calm.

Since I seem to be full of aphorisms today, let me try one more:  charity begins at home. The first person to extend compassion and loving kindness to is you. When you do this as a daily practice, you will find it much easier to extend the same to others. That’s because you get more of what you focus on. 

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