Passionate Self Care – Laughter
As I ponder the concept of Passionate Self Care, I realize I’ve left out something very important—laughter.
Laughter is magic. Like so many, my childhood was spent with a dysfunctional group of people I call my family. (By the way, I fit right in even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.) What my family had that saved me from going stark raving mad (instead of just crazy which was the route I took) was laughter. To this day, when my siblings and I get together, there is much laughter.
Laughter is good for you on so many levels:
- • It provides a way to release stress, a bit like letting steam out of a pressure cooker.
- • It’s a terrific abdominal exercise. They don’t call them belly laughs for nothing.
- • You can use it anywhere; no special equipment is required.
- • It sends a signal to your brain that you’re in a good mood. In return, your brain releases those feel good chemicals that guarantee you stay that way.
You don’t need a reason to laugh. You can, right at this moment, start to laugh. Of course, if you’re sitting in an office surrounded by lots of people, this is likely to get you sent to the Employee Assistance office where they’ll force you to take a battery of psychiatric tests. SO…. If you feel the need for a good laugh, simply pick up the phone, pretend you hear something funny and let it rip. Once you’re done, if an office mate asks, “What was so funny?” simply reply, “You had to be there.” Since we’ve all said that at one time or another, it lets you off the hook for providing an explanation. If you decide not to say this and instead make up a joke, you put yourself in the embarrassing situation of discovering you really stink at joke writing. And word gets out. Trust me on this.
If you don’t believe you can make yourself laugh at will, there are many tools on the Internet to help. Just type into your search engine the words “laughing baby” and you will receive all sorts of laughter aids by clicking on the various links. Here’s my favorite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXXm696UbKY
If babies don’t do it for you, simply type in “funny videos” although this is a riskier venture. What some people find funny!!!
In India, Dr. Madan Kararia founded “laughing clubs” to promote good health. Members meet each day at the same time, look at each other and laugh. They leave and go about their business.
Imagine what life would be like if you started each day with laughter!!!
If you want to practice Passionate Self Care, add laughter to your day. Whether it’s triggered by something you hear or see or you just decide to laugh, it will serve you on so many levels.
This is the fourteenth installment in my series on Passionate Self Care. Go to http://silverspeaks.com/blogs/ for related articles.
Passionate Self Care – A Recap
Over the last several months, I have been writing about how to practice Passionate Self Care. Here are the 12 keys:
- Stop struggling & seek solutions
- Heed your internal guidance system
- Surrender control
- Identify & diffuse your buttons
- Mind your own business
- Feed your mind only what you want more of
- DO sweat the small stuff
- Position your physical body to serve you
- Bask
- Measure for what you want
- Only take inspired action
- Give back
Although I can type out the list in the wink of an eye, living it every day is challenging. It’s always been so for me but even more so now because of the life-threatening health challenge my beloved Bill is going through.
There are days I want to isolate. Okay, most days I want to isolate. Because my mind is prone to the dramatic, I used to think that what isolation looked like was someone locking the doors of the house, closing the curtains so no light could get in, and ignoring phone calls or any knocks on the door.
Because I thought that’s what isolation looked like, my intellectual brain (the one that’s out to get me) convinces me that I am doing nothing of the sort. But I know better (because of #2).
For me, isolating looks like this: I keep myself busy with things that prevent me from going out into the world. I don’t return phone calls or emails because “I’m not in the mood.” And for SURE I’m isolating when I don’t reach out to others to either extend a hand or ask for one.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Those who most need to learn how to practice Passionate Self Care are those of us who are always ready to help others but won’t admit we need help ourselves.
All the tools listed here are great and they work. The most important one for me to keep in mind is #3. You see most of the things I do that are not so good for me are attempts to control the world around me. If I do all the “right” things, maybe the world won’t come crashing down around my ears. It’s a nice thought but the Serenity Prayer says it best:
There are things I do for Bill that we hope will delay the march of the cancer (reference #1). I feed him well, make sure he takes his vitamins and do everything possible to create a restful and healing environment. “The wisdom to know the difference” is my knowing that there really isn’t a damned thing I can do about his cancer. As I go about performing all these loving and nurturing actions it must be with full knowledge that they are as much for me as they are for him and that I am not in control here.
Which sucks. Big time.
The tools that are serving me very well during this time are #6, #9 and #10. Every day we wake up together I am grateful and if he’s feeling pretty good, even better. I bask in the here and now and do everything I can to keep my crystal ball in retirement. I don’t know what the future holds. I only know what I fear it holds so why dwell there?
I guess what I’m trying to say is that these tools work. And the one I plan to consciously practice this week is #2. It’s what will keep me from isolating. When I pay attention to how I feel when I’m isolating, it’s very clear that it’s not working well at all. So…off I go. Out of my head and into the world.
This is the thirteenth installment in my series on Passionate Self Care. Go to http://silverspeaks.com/blogs/ for related articles.
Passionate Self Care XII – Give Back
You may be wondering why “give back” is a step in the quest for Passionate Self Care; it seems contradictory. But you see, I am not asking you to give back as a selfless act but because it can do so much for you.
The #1 factor for happiness is service to others. In his groundbreaking book Stumbling on Happiness, Harvard Professor Dan Gilbert writes that human beings are abysmal at predicting what will make them happy or unhappy.
Undisputed, however, in all the research on happiness is that service to others is guaranteed to make one happy. When we give back our efforts are rewarded in ways we cannot even begin to imagine. Therefore, acts of service are the greatest gifts you can give to yourself.
In spite of this, most of us come to this “giving back” approach kicking and screaming because we cannot imagine that it could be that simple. Or we think we have to go out of our way to give back—volunteer at a soup kitchen or give money we don’t have to charity. While both those things would certainly qualify, I’m a big believer that charity begins at home. If each of us were to adopt “giving back” as our modus of operandi, think of what could change.
What if:
- The many things you do for your family were regarded as gifts of service instead of chores?
- You went about your day looking for ways to be kind to others?
- You brought this philosophy to work and expanded customer service to include co-workers and even (gasp!) your boss?
Best-selling author Dr. Wayne Dyer points out that kindness toward someone is its own reward and has a ripple effect beyond compare. The person for whom you do a kind deed feels good. You feel good. And anyone who sees your thoughtful act feels good as well! Think of how much joy you could feel and spread in just one day through kindness
This is the twelfth installment in my series on Passionate Self Care. Go to http://silverspeaks.com/blogs/ for related articles.
Passionate Self Care XI – Take Inspired Action
Action taken in any negative state—resentment, anger or a feeling of victimization—is uninspired and will never produce the results you want Why? Because the Law of Attraction says, “You can only attract to you what you ‘are’ in that moment.” If you are resentful, you can only attract circumstances that match and fuel the resentment.
This is why I am encouraging you to only take action when you are inspired to do so. Not only is this an extraordinary way to make the Law of Attraction work in your favor, it will also ensure that you produce the results you want with very little effort.
Think about past vacations. (If you can’t remember one, you really DO need Passionate Self Care!) When you scheduled a special event and it was necessary to get up early to go on your adventure, did you rise from your bed moaning and complaining? Of course not! You bounded out of bed, often before the alarm rang, excited to “get at it.”
This is one reason vacations produce such great fun. The action you take is inspired. You don’t need to be brought to it kicking and screaming. And, because the Law of Attraction is always at work, when you feel good on vacation, you naturally attract additional circumstances that make you feel even better. It can be no other way.
You may very well say to me, “But Silver, if I wait until I’m inspired to take action, nothing will ever get done!” I didn’t suggest you wait until you get “struck” with inspiration. You can create it yourself. How? By asking yourself one simple question that is designed to inspire you:
Why do I want to do this?
I cannot emphasize enough how incredibly powerful this question is. Answering it causes you to envision the positive result you are trying to produce by taking the action.
Visualizing something is the fastest way to bring it into being. The more clear the picture, the quicker it will happen. Answering the question, “Why do I want to do this?” causes the picture to come into focus easily.
Of course, the possible answers to, “Why do I want to do this?” are as varied as the people who ask it.
Maybe you want to do it because it will please your boss and you like to please your boss. The vision you would hold in your mind is the look on your boss’ face or the note of praise you receive.
You may want to do it because someone suggested you are incapable of doing it and you want to prove you can. The picture that comes into focus could be the look of surprise on the naysayer’s face.
Perhaps you get a real kick out of crossing things off your “to do” list. Then by all means, envision yourself doing so with a great big grin on your face.
Another very good reason for doing something, especially something unpleasant, is because you know it will feel SO good when it’s over. See yourself leaving work with a dance in your step because you’ve completed this important but tedious task.
Look at the question carefully. It doesn’t ask, “Do you want to do this?” It doesn’t query, “Why would you want to do this?” It assumes you want to do it, you just don’t realize why. Once you can answer the question, “Why do I want to do this?” you will be able to consciously take inspired action. And inspired action always produces good results.
How will you know if your action is inspired? It will feel good to do it! It’s as simple as that!
When you use this powerful question, you will have learned how to clearly visualize what you want to achieve and you will be naturally inspired to take the next step. If something is “the next natural step,” you will never have to force yourself to do it; it will be a pleasure.
By the way, the more inspired the action, the better the results. Actions inspired in joy produce joyful results.
Key #11 to Passionate Self Care: Take Inspired Action
This is the eleventh installment in my series on Passionate Self Care. Go to http://silverspeaks.com/blogs/ for related articles.
Passionate Self Care X – Measure for What You Want
Here is a simple description of how the Law of Attraction Works: when you pay attention to something, you are placing an order with the Universe, “More of this, please.” This is why it’s so important to be careful about what you measure. It’s a key component of practicing Passionate Self Care.
Want to have an easier commute? Start by paying attention to how many good drivers you encounter along the way. When was the last time you heard someone say, “I had such a great commute today. Everyone on the road was courteous and driving safely.” My guess is NEVER, that’s the last time you heard someone say that. What we hear about are the jerks on the road who were going way too fast or way too slow for our taste. If you measure for problems on your commute (or in any part of your life), that is precisely what you will get.
Wishing your boss was more ________ (fill in the blank)? The Law of Attraction applied here is powerful. Let’s say you want your boss to be more appreciative of the work you do. You’ve already figured out that the more you focus on how much s/he doesn’t appreciate you, the less appreciation you get. Hint: no one can give you what you won’t give yourself. You will always attract people into your life who agree with your opinion of your self worth. If you want others to appreciate you, you must start by appreciating yourself. What specifically have you done today that you’re proud of? Have you patted yourself on the back and said, “Good job”? Start measuring for what you do well and watch the change in how others treat you.
One of my favorite scenes in the movie What About Bob? was when Bob, played by Bill Murray overcomes his fear of sailing by having the crew tie him to the mast. He sees his psychiatrist on the shore and yells, “Look, Dr. Marvin. I’m sailing!”
Bob is not measuring what he’s not doing (standing on the deck of the boat of his own accord). He’s completely focused on what he has accomplished. He’s sailing! Bob is a good role model for us all.
We all have an Internal Guide who tells us at any moment what we are measuring. If you feel any kind of negative emotion whether it’s slight annoyance or all the way to complete rage, it is telling you that you are measuring for what you do not want. When you’re experiencing positive feelings, anything from calm to euphoria, your Internal Guide is telling you you’re measuring for what will make you happy. And it’s coming your way.
Write and tell me how a slight shift in what you’re measuring has or could make a big difference in your life. Change your focus; change your life!
This is the tenth installment in my series on Passionate Self Care. Go to http://silverspeaks.com/blogs/ for related articles.