If you Posture, The Mood Will Come
By Silver Rose
If You Posture, the Mood will Come
Studies have revealed that your brain doesn’t know the difference between real and make-believe. Therefore, one of the easiest, quickest and most effective ways to put yourself into a more positive mood is through your posture.
Let’s say you have low self-confidence. If you stand in a posture that is your idea of what self-confidence looks like, your brain will receive the message that you ARE self-confident and will deliver the appropriate feelings to back it up.
.When you sit at your desk, what message do you think the following postures deliver to your brain?
Ø Looking discouraged and sighing deeply
Ø Hunching over with shoulders tense
Ø Clenching your teeth
Obviously, any of the above postures will deliver the message that you are stressed and your brain will send stress chemicals to your body.
Contrast the postures above and their impact to the following:
Ø Looking excited and smiling
Ø Sitting up straight with shoulders back
Ø Keeping your jaw loose (by the way, there is NEVER any reason for your upper teeth to hit your lower teeth. Ever! Just loosening your jaw is a wonderful de-stressor.)
In some countries (India comes to mind), there are groups of people who meet at sunrise each day and spend 10 minutes looking at each other and laughing. And then they go to work. Wouldn’t that be a great way to start your day? Talk about telling your brain how great life is and how happy you are!
It turns out that you can posture your way into being in a good mood!
So the question is, “Why do we refuse to do so?” As I travel the country, speaking to a variety of audiences, it’s fascinating to me to watch people who adamantly refuse to be coaxed into a better mood.
I will sometimes invite the entire audience to stand up and simply laugh (you can laugh on demand. It’s easy). As we laugh, I will look around the room and see people who just refuse to do it. They would rather cling to their misery than “look foolish.” It’s amazing how much we allow what others think of us to keep us stuck.
The way this works with Law of Attraction is rather interesting. As you decide to put yourself into a better mood, you are completely focused on what you want! And you attract more of what you focus on!
Let’s get back to the example of self-confidence. As you strive to emulate a stance of self-confidence, you are completely focused on what self-confidence looks and feels like. As the Law of Attraction kicks in, you start attracting more self-confidence!
I love Ellen DeGeneres, who is, these days, a dancin’ fool! .She is dancing a lot and everywhere. It is impossible to do as much dancing as she is doing and be in a bad mood at the same time. Not only that, but as we observe her dancing, it puts US in a good mood! What a gift!
The next time your energy is low, take a short, brisk walk. Walk with enthusiasm, as if you have energy. Your brain will think, “Gosh, I thought I was tired but I guess I wasn’t so tired, after all!” and send more energy chemicals into your body. It’s quicker and much more effective than coffee.
The next time you’re discouraged, think of what it feels like when you feel encouraged. Adopt that posture and your brain will follow suit.
This stuff works but, as my Grandmother used to say, “The proof is in the pudding.”
Try it for yourself and watch what happens!
Focusing Styles
By Silver Rose
Focusing Styles
If you attract what you focus on, as the Law of Attraction reveals to us each and every day, it would be useful to figure out what your focusing style is.
Too often we think we should work like everyone else. In this fast-breaking world where there are so many things coming at us at once, we try and keep all the plates spinning, hoping that none of them will fall.
That’s great if your particular style lends itself to working that way. However, if you’re someone who is ineffective at focusing on many things at once, not only will you be stressed but you also won’t be able to use the power of focus to get the job done most efficiently. You’ll be focused on the frustrations of the task at hand and you will attract more of the same.
For example, the focusing style that works best for me is to be able to really dig into a project for hours at length. I love to sit and create a new speech in PowerPoint, pulling out reference books to look up just the right quote, or going onto the Internet for research that backs up a point.
You would assume that, having my own business and setting my own work schedule, I could easily use my focusing style all the time. However, not only am I the CEO, I’m also administrative support, bookkeeper, travel agent and janitor. That’s a lot of plates to keep spinning.
Here’s what I’ve noticed of late. If I DON’T carve out a way to use my own focusing style, I begin to get grouchy because I’m not enjoying my work. That grouchiness is my internal guide telling me that I’m on the road to attracting what I do NOT want. That grouchiness is a wake-up call to pay attention.
So how can we identify our own focusing styles in order to harness the Law of Attraction to ultimate advantage?
Think about a project that gave you great satisfaction and joy while you were doing it. (Note: sometimes a non-work project will give you better insight.) You felt competent and on top of the world and you were excited to carve out time to work on it. It could have been building something, working on a charity project, redecorating, gardening, or a musical project; the possibilities are endless.
Make a list of all the elements you enjoyed about the work. Were there other people involved and a good deal of teamwork? Were you alone, perhaps out in nature? Were you the boss of the project? Go back in your memory (for some of you, it’s been so long since you’ve thoroughly enjoyed something, you’ll need to go back to childhood).
As you remember your approach to that project, what can you discover about your own focusing style?
I have a childhood friend who has been deeply frustrated at work for years. Her work requires her to wait on customers coming at her from two different directions and to do a variety of tasks quickly. She is, by nature, an introvert who doesn’t like a lot of stimulus and an analyst whose strongest desire is to get things done accurately. Her boss tells her that “good enough” is fine for many of the tasks she’s working on but my friend isn’t comfortable with “good enough.” She wants it to be right.
When we took a walk down memory lane, she remembered fixing radios as a child. She loved taking them apart (all alone) and putting them back into working order. She now realizes that part of her requirement for job satisfaction is to see tangible results that are accurate.
She either needs to find a way to accommodate her focusing style within the current environment, or she needs a different job. Her focusing style lends itself well to the world of accounting where getting it right is the brass ring. Rather than try to fix her existing job, her time would be well spent preparing for a job in accounting and then going out to find one. In the long run, she’ll end up making more money because she’ll be doing a job at which she can and will become exceptionally good.
Here is your homework for the week: (1) identify your particular focusing style; (2) ask the Universe to help you figure out ways in which you can accommodate it within your current work environment; and (3) experiment with it and notice the results.
I promise you, I’ll be doing the homework myself, in preparation for a wonderful 2005!
Identify, Disarm Your Buttons
By Silver Rose
Identify & Disarm Your Buttons
With the holidays coming, it might be a good time to do some preparation for being around those who know us and love us and yet seem to have peculiar ways of expressing their affection.
Whenever I watch the TV show, What About Raymond? I can’t help but notice how much his family resembles mine. Frank, the father, calls Raymond “big nose.” Raymond taunts his brother Robert with “Jolly Green Giant” jokes. Maria, the mother, hasn’t anything good to say about daughter-in-law Deborah’s housekeeping.
And yet they all love each other. Profoundly.
In my family, we also have a history of expressing love for each other through endless teasing. When I went to live on my own as an adult, my first roommate asked me, “Why are you torturing me?” I replied, “In my family, this is how we express love.” Judith threw up her hands and said, “Would you love me a little less, please?”
In a recent talk by Dr. David Hawkins, the idea of “owning our shortcomings” was introduced. According to Dr. Hawkins, if you embrace those things that are guaranteed to embarrass you when brought to attention, no one has any power over you. Someone says, “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard,” to which you smile and reply, “I know. I have a rare talent for it, don’t you think?”
If we could simply embrace our shortcomings without apology or embarrassment, we would stop giving other people control over our emotions. Our buttons would be disarmed.
In order to do this, it’s important to come to terms with what your buttons are. What could someone say to you that would cause you to turn red as a beet with embarrassment, or start that vein in your neck throbbing with anger, or propel you into an outburst of tears?
Comics turn their hot buttons into loads of money. Louis Anderson is fat and talks about it, making people laugh. Phyllis Diller makes fun of all the plastic surgery she’s had. Rodney Dangerfield “got no respect” and turned it into a gold mine.
What part of yourself have you not accepted? This is the part that others can hurt you with. For some of you, it’s the part you continually hurt yourself with – your self-talk is worse than anything anyone else would ever say.
My father used to tease me about how clumsy I am. Now I can say to anyone who points it out, “Yeah, but I’m fun to watch, don’t you think?”
It all comes down to self-appreciation. The more we appreciate the gifts and talent that we have, the less we feel we have to be good at everything. So I’ll never have the grace of a ballerina. I don’t need it for the things I want to do. And they don’t make the slippers in my size, anyway!
The Law of Attraction says “You attract what you focus on.” The more self-conscious we are about various traits, the more likely we are to attract people who agree with our assessment. We all know smart, capable people who are continually overlooked for promotions in favor of people with less talent. Scratch the surface of the one who is overlooked and you will find someone who is focused on what he’s NOT good at, versus what he is.
So prepare yourself for the holidays (and life in general) this year by sitting down and making a list of all the things you’re self-conscious about. Once that list is complete, take a look at it. Is anything on it really important? Do you have other attributes that more than make up for the ones you lack? Can you embrace those traits? What comebacks can you formulate to disarm the power of those who would push your buttons?
Once you can embrace what you are and what you are not, interaction with others gets a whole lot easier. You see, the Law of Attraction guarantees that the issues won’t come up very often at all.
Action Cancels Fear
By Silver Rose
Action Cancels Fear
Not every day is a good one. Despite the fact that I teach and believe in a positive approach to life, sometimes there are days when it just seems impossible to make anything work.
Yesterday was one of those days. Starting in late afternoon, I experienced technical difficulties with my PC and, just to keep things interesting, my printer was also acting up. Not being technical by ANY stretch, I entertained myself with thoughts of hurling my laptop out the window. I could almost hear the spectacular crashing sound of glass breaking as it burst through the closed window (Hey! It’s got to be dramatic, right?) I envisioned my laptop landing on the pavement and bursting apart, pieces flying everywhere.
The more agitated I became about the situation, the less everything seemed to work. I couldn’t focus on paperwork. I couldn’t seem to prioritize what needed to be done next. In short, The Law of Attraction was delivering to me precisely that upon which I was focused – helplessness.
Fortunately, I know when to give up (although my problems often have claw marks on them – mine!). Sometimes you simply have to surrender to what is. My tolerance for pain has diminished considerably over the years and, even though I can wallow with the best of them, I can only stand it for a few hours before I feel compelled to do something.
You see, helplessness is simply another word for fear. And I learned a long time ago that action cancels fear – every time.
I looked around. What could I do that was productive, and guaranteed to make me feel back in control (the opposite of helpless)?
Not surprisingly, my office was a reflection of the helplessness I was feeling. There were papers scattered everywhere. There was stuff on my chair and even a pile or two on the floor. So I cleaned it all up and organized. I wrote down my priorities for the week. I went through each stack of paper to assure myself that there were no “ticking bombs” (i.e., things with deadlines I might miss.) The more I accomplished, the better I felt. At least I could salvage the week.
I took action on a few of the small items on the list and then called it a day. Intuitively, I knew that the most productive thing I could do was to spend the evening engaged in whatever activity was guaranteed to line up my energy in a positive way so that the rest of the week would be a good one. I went home and read a book by one of my favorite authors and went to bed early.
Today I feel much better. It’s election day. I set my alarm for 5:30 so I could be at the polling place when it opened. I voted, which always makes me feel good.
Now I’m writing this, on that rebellious PC I mentioned, and feeling productive. My desk is clean and I have my priorities on a list, ready for action. Every once in a while, a small piece of fear grabs me when I think about the fact that I may need to buy a new computer. But you know what? These are what a friend of mine calls “problems of abundance.” There are people in the world concerned about where their next meal is coming from or whether they will live to see tomorrow. I started my day voting in a free country that will allow me to throw my PC out the window, as long as I don’t hurt anyone. I could even yell out an obscenity if I wanted to, without risking arrest (although a few of my neighbors might blanch).
I feel blessed that I know what to do when I’m in fear. Action is the magic, my friends. But, because of Law of Attraction, it is critical to choose well the action you take.
If you are focused on the problem and trying to push it away, you are only going to get more of the problem. Trust me, I experimented with it yesterday – it doesn’t work. However, once I shifted my focus from the problem and put it on a solution, I calmed down.
Today my PC is working well. I still need to do something about it because it’s unreliable but I no longer feel helpless. I feel like everything is going to be just fine. And that is what I will attract!
Vote today. It’s a great feeling.
If You REALLY Appreciate Me, Be Specific
By Silver Rose
If you REALLY Appreciate Me – Be Specific!
My friend Judy, who has worked in Human Resources for many years, laments how busy we have gotten. She swears she once witnessed a cubicle “drive by” wherein a manager lobbed a plaque – an appreciation plaque, no less – over the recipient’s wall, yelling “Thanks for all the great work!” as he rushed off to “honor” the next lucky employee.
Now, Judy has been known to exaggerate but she doesn’t lie. She may not have witnessed this exact scenario, but I promise she saw something equally disturbing.
Employees don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses. One of their most common complaints is, “No one appreciates what we’re doing.” If they STAY on the job, you need to worry about how they treat your customers. Employees who feel unappreciated are unlikely to be good to your customers.
And the beat goes on.
The easiest way to treat employees (or co-workers or even our children) well is to show them you appreciate their work. A simple, “Thank you,” although certainly better than nothing, is not enough. Much like the phrase, “Have a nice day,” it has come to be one of those meaningless phrases we utter often and without much conviction.
We all want details. Are you REALLY thankful for what I did? Then please tell me specifically what you liked. How can I do it again in my ongoing effort to please you, if I don’t know what it was you liked?
When you get a five-page report on your desk, you can estimate that the writer spent approximately five hours doing the necessary research and writing. He worked hard to make sure it had all the details required and to pass it in on deadline, looking good and well-edited.
If YOU labored for five hours on a report, wouldn’t you want to know (1) that it was appreciated, and (2) that someone actually READ it? Many managers find it impossible to even acknowledge they received the report!
Here is a quick and easy way to make the report writer feel appreciated. Provide him detailed, specific feedback. It would sound something like this, “Hank, I received the report on the Fairmont Project. First of all, thanks for getting it done on deadline. That makes my job easier. I looked it over and I was pleased with several things. It’s well written and easy to understand. Second, I really liked the bar graphs you used to demonstrate the ROI figures. I wouldn’t have thought to do that and it works well I also noticed you sent copies to the entire team which was the right thing to do. Well done!”
At this point, if you also need to discuss a few things that perhaps weren’t exactly as you wanted, it will be easier to do so. However, make sure before you end the conversation that you reiterate how much you appreciate the job that was done.
If you are reading this and are not a manager, please don’t think it doesn’t apply. Specific appreciation to co-workers makes for better team work. And specific appreciation to your boss will go a long way toward having a good working relationship. You cannot expect your boss to appreciate you, if you don’t appreciate her. The Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on,” and ensures that you can only attract appreciation if you’re focused on it yourself!
So be specific.
To the receptionist: ”Jane, I’m always so impressed that you answer each phone call within two rings.”
To the PC Technician: “Rick, you saved me last week when you found that virus on my computer before it damaged anything!”
To the Project Leader: “I really like that you included everyone in the discussion about solutions to solve the problem that arose. I know it would have been quicker to come up with the solution yourself, but this helped the team’s morale.”
To your boss: “Thank you for giving me this award in private. It was sensitive of you to understand that a public ceremony would have been embarrassing for me.”
Specifics, specifics, and even more specifics. Watch how quickly that which you specifically focus on, grows!