Wouldn’t it be wonderful if…
By Silver Rose
Wouldn’t it be nice if….?
Esther Hicks is a teacher who has broadly expanded my understanding of The Law of Attraction. Today I want to share with you her extraordinary approach to harnessing this powerful tool.
Often, we think we are fully focused on what we want. We even mouth the correct words to support our desires (we are clever lab rats, after all!). However, even though the words are correct, our attention, many times, is actually focused on, “Why isn’t it here yet? Where IS it?”
It is difficult to believe that we can attract what we want through the power of our focus when most of us have been taught from birth to be impatient and annoyed by what is NOT happening.
To soften this tendency, work on playing Esther’s new game called, “wouldn’t it be nice if…”.
Instead of diligently trying to prevent yourself from negative thinking about what you want, use your imagination to put you in a mode of expectation. Children do this naturally. You can teach yourself to do so, as well.
The “Wouldn’t it be nice if…” Game
Wouldn’t it be nice if…
Ø at the end of the day, the most important things are done and I can go home and enjoy my evening without worry.
Ø I discover that the information for the project I’m working on is easy to find.
Ø I apologize to my co-worker today and she tells me it’s already forgotten.
Ø my boss came to me and told me what a great job I’m doing.
Ø I got that raise I’ve been wanting and can begin to save for my new car
When I first considered this game, I thought it might be better to say, “Won’t it be nice when…” It seemed to me that saying “when” instead of “if” would be a more positive approach. What I now realize is how clever Esther is to use the word “if” because it acts as a bridge between our beliefs and our hopes.
If I said, “Won’t it be nice when I get that promotion I’ve been hoping for,” and I don’t really believe that it’s coming, then I get thrown into negativity. Perhaps I feel like I’m fooling myself. Saying instead, “Won’t it be nice if I get that promotion I want,” allows me to start fantasizing about what it would be like, what I would do, and how I would feel. There is no resistance and no resistance is a key element for more quickly attracting what you want.
This weekend I attended a lecture by renowned psychiatrist David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., author of Power vs. Force, who described our thoughts as iron filings that will naturally attach themselves to the attractor field that they match. If your thoughts are focused on a game where you are imagining something that would be wonderful if it happened, then those thoughts will naturally flow toward the very attractor field that will ensure that it does!
So play this game often.
Wouldn’t it be nice if…
Ø I was completely aware today of how much I enjoy my work?
Ø traffic flowed smoothly and quickly on the way home tonight?
Ø my co-workers were all in a good mood around me this week?
Look, you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain and…
wouldn’t it be nice if it really worked?
What About When They’re WRONG
By Silver Rose
What About When They’re WRONG!?!
My friend Bob, after reading last week’s column about appreciating workers, emailed me the following questions:
This is the type of question I get all the time and it’s at the heart of how most of us were taught to approach life which is completely opposed to how The Law of Attraction can work to our advantage.
The Law of Attraction, which says, “you attract more of what you focus on,” is absolute, just like the Law of Gravity. Even if you don’t believe in gravity, if you jump off a 10-story building, you will die (or wish you had!)
We are trained to focus on what’s wrong in order to make things turn out right. The more we focus on what’s wrong, the worse our lives get. It’s incredibly frustrating, because all we want is WHAT IS RIGHT.
And therein lies the problem. Who gets to say what is right? Who gets to determine, for example, what good customer service is? One of the most important things I learned from fellow speaker Brian Tracy is that human beings are physiologically incapable of doing something they believe is wrong. If someone does something, he or she has justified it in their own minds.
Therefore, whoever is delivering what, in your opinion is poor customer service, has justified it somehow. Either he thinks he IS giving good service, or he thinks you’re getting what you paid for, or that the owner of the company who’s making more money than he is ought to be the one to make sure you’re happy, or he thinks the things he’s doing that prevent him from delivering good service are more important.
But I PROMISE you, he is not, in his own mind, unjustified in delivering poor customer service to you.
I once heard a story about a doctor’s office who regularly conducted surveys to make sure their patients were happy with the services. One day, they reviewed some surveys and were flabbergasted by the high volume of complaints about the receptionist during the lunch hour. Lisa, the young woman who filled in during lunch was one of the sweetest and hardest working employees they had.
Here is what they discovered. Lisa is so painfully shy when meeting new people, that she cannot look them in the eyes. So, when waiting on incoming patients, she would look down at her desk while she talked to them. Their interpretation was that she was not only rude but completely disinterested in providing good customer service. In fact, quite the opposite was true and, after some training, Lisa improved and the complaints stopped.
Customer service has gone down in this country because we try and demand it into being instead of expecting it. We complain to each other about it without asking for it. Think about it. Aren’t you delightfully surprised when you receive exemplary service? If you expect poor customer service, the Law of Attraction will not disappoint you. You attract what you focus on! Start noticing when you get good service. Start noticing what you take for granted. Most importantly, let people know your expectations. How can they provide good customer service if they don’t know your definition?
For years, I heard complaints about how bad HMOs are. I thoroughly appreciate HMO’s for the services they provide at a reasonably good rate. Eight years ago, I took an elderly relative to a Kaiser Permanente E.R. for an infected toe. Not only did the doctor take care of the toe, he took a few extra minutes and clipped ALL of her toenails and then rubbed oil into her dry feet. He said she reminded him of his own mother. I didn’t surprise me (I expect care from caregivers) but I sure was appreciative.
Look for good customer service. When you don’t get it, check to see where YOUR energy is and then work to turn it around. You’ll get so good at this, people will think you’re a VIP because of the treatment you receive!
A Rampage of Appreciation for Workers
By Silver Rose
A Rampage of Appreciation for Workers
Since last week’s column about the topic of appreciation, I have been focused on the theme. Because of that focus, The Law of Attraction, which says, “You attract more of what you focus on,” kicked in BIG time! I had a profound experience I want to share with you.
I was driving on Sunday and my thoughts wandered back to the night before. I’d been to see a movie with friends. As we searched for our car in the parking lot afterward, I spotted a blue car that made me gasp with admiration. I was basking in appreciation for the style and the color even before I got close enough to see the logo that said, “Maserati.”
As I thought about that car the next day, I began to think about how proud the designers must be of what they’d accomplished. Suddenly, an overwhelming feeling of appreciation coursed through my body as I started to think about the people who had built the car I was driving. Then my thoughts expanded outward as I began to realize that, everywhere I looked and everything I touched, workers were responsible for what I was experiencing. This realization filled me with awe and an overflow of appreciation.
Ø Workers designed the road on which I traveled, and workers built it
Ø Workers were responsible for the radio show I was enjoying and the radio on which it was being received
Ø The beautiful landscaping I saw had been grown by workers, sold by workers in a nursery, delivered by workers in a truck, paid for by workers in an office, planted by workers and was being maintained by workers.
Ø The clothing I was wearing? Brought to me by workers!
Even the eyeglasses through which I was viewing all of this had been brought to me by a variety of workers!! I was completely aware of and in full appreciation for the workers who so profoundly improve my life every single day. It felt GREAT!!!! I felt an incredible connection to people I’d never even met!
It then occurred to me that I cannot individually express my appreciation to those whose work benefits me. But there are ways I can express appreciation.
Let’s begin with you.
On behalf of those who benefit greatly from it, thank you for the work that you do. It’s important. Thank you.
Without your work, whatever it is, there are people who would be deprived somehow. I want you to think of them right now. Sit quietly, close your eyes and think of the people who benefit from the work you do. Maybe you’ll never meet them but you are in a relationship with them, nonetheless. Because of what you do, their lives are different. Because of what you do, they have more possibilities. And because of them, you have work!
I stopped and ate in a fast food restaurant this morning. Because the workers were there early to open the restaurant, cook the food and serve it to me, I was able to go to a meeting nourished. I do not do good work when I am hungry. Because of their work this morning, I was able to do better work today and any benefit my customers received was made possible by the workers in that restaurant.
Most of you read this column because you want to have more satisfying lives. The quickest path to everything you want is through the daily practice of Appreciation.
Appreciation starts with not taking things for granted. It starts with becoming more aware. How did that meal make it to your table? How did that carpeting end up on your floor? How did that search engine get onto your computer? In the moments you are appreciating the things and people you interact with daily, you are attracting other things that to appreciate. This is how The Law of Attraction works. If for no other reason, appreciate because it feels SO good to do so!
Living a life of appreciation, moment by moment, will make you more alive and give you more passion than you ever dared dream. Try it, you’ll like it! I promise.
Appreciation, The Magic Elixir
By Silver Rose
Appreciation – The Magic Elixir
I often get asked, “What is the fastest way to get what I want from life?” My answer is always the same – Appreciation.
Appreciation is a magic elixir. It causes people to want to be around you. Over time, people begin to rethink negative opinions they hold about you. It causes co-workers and bosses to notice the good work that you do. It will get you the job you want and the money you deserve. It will even get you better service in restaurants and stores.
Magic, magic, magic.
Yet, most people hold back appreciation because they, themselves, feel unappreciated. The thought is, “Well, I’ll be GLAD to appreciate others once they start appreciating me!”
Remember, the way the Law of Attraction works is, “You attract what you focus on.” If your focus is on how unappreciated you are, guess what you’ll attract? More of the same!! And if you truly believe you’re unappreciated, how can you attract appreciation by focusing on people who appreciate you? There aren’t any!! How can you stop the madness?
You can focus on how much you appreciate others!
Start with those you live with. Remember when you were without them and couldn’t wait for them to get here? Well, they’re here now. Start noticing more of what you love about them and less of what you want to change. Watch the magic happen.
At work, start looking for what you appreciate about:
Ø The work itself (even if it’s just the paycheck you get – remember when you were desperate for one?)
Ø The learning you get to experience (how bored would you be if there was nothing left to learn?)
Ø Your co-workers – who would you play with if they weren’t around? They may not be perfect but they’re certainly not all bad, either. What’s good about them? (Even if your answer is, “Well, they’re not in my family! – THAT’s good!”)
Ø Your boss – There are not enough bosses who have staff who look for reasons to appreciate them. If you are one who does look for reasons to appreciate your boss,
I’m guessing you have a pretty good situation at work. If you have a bad situation at work, my guess is that you don’t appreciate your boss much. If you can begin to, you’ll see an amazing transformation.
Someone once told me about a wonderful t-shirt they spotted at a Social Workers conference. It read, “You cannot hate someone whose story you know.” I guarantee that if you understood the kind of pressure your boss is under every single day, you’d stop resenting her and start appreciating the job she does.
Ø Your staff – People don’t leave jobs, they leave bosses. The number one reason is lack of appreciation. If you are the boss, start appreciating your staff. There is no quicker way to build loyalty and the kind of “can do” attitude that money cannot buy.
The great thing about appreciation is that it doesn’t need to be spoken to be expressed. A landmark study at UCLA revealed that communication is only 7% the words we speak. 38% is our tone of voice and a whopping 55% is body language. If you start appreciating those around you, they’ll get it without you saying one word! If you decide to add words to it, the results will be even greater, but it’s not necessary.
One last note: You will find it much easier to appreciate those around you if you find ways to appreciate yourself. When you do, the Law of Attraction will guarantee that, the more you focus on self-appreciation, the more you’ll attract people who agree with you!
You Get What You Pay Attention To
By Silver Rose
You Get What You Pay Attention To
The Law of Attraction says, “You get what you focus on.” I’ve often clarified this by saying that the way we ask for what we want is through our attention. Attention is simply another word for focus.
I’ve been filtering this concept through a book I’m currently reading about emotional dependence. I’ve been particularly fascinated with the chapters about “the martyr” and “the victim” because these are both categories into which I’ve fallen more than once in my life. In fact, when things are going badly for me, those are my default categories. Years of training don’t go away overnight.
In my workshop about how to handle emotions in the workplace, what I hear over and over from participants is some version of the following theme: if co-workers weren’t so negative, I would be just fine. How can I possibly rise about their moods?
How indeed?
So let’s examine Law of Attraction from a martyr’s standpoint. A martyr is someone who puts aside her own wants and needs to please someone else and then whines about it (either internally or externally). While the whining is going on, what is the martyr paying attention to? Usually she’s thinking what a good person she is for doing this and how no one appreciates her sacrifice. It is the latter that gets delivered over and over to a martyr. The more she does for others in self-sacrifice, the more she is surrounded by people who don’t appreciate what she has done. You get what you pay attention to!
A victim is someone who doesn’t think he’s done something voluntarily (like the martyr). The victim thinks he has no choice in the matter. You will typically hear the victim say things like, “What else can I do? There is no other way.” The more the victim sees himself as the only solution, the more he is surrounded by people who also see him as the only solution. You get what you pay attention to!
When you feel you are unable to rise about the emotional mood swings of those around you, you are either being a victim or a martyr. You’re either volunteering to be a sounding board for that person’s negativity (a martyr), or you’ve decided you have no choice but to be negatively impacted (a victim). Either way, you get what you pay attention to!
Here are some new things for you to try the next time someone around you is in a negative mood that would normally impact you:
1. Don’t volunteer to help. Wait to be asked. Nine out of ten times, this will avoid the problem altogether. Just because someone tells you a problem or complains within earshot doesn’t mean he’s asking for your help. Wait for the request. If it doesn’t come, do nothing!
2. If you ARE asked to help and you tend to be a martyr, make a list of all the reasons that person can and should handle the problem on his own, without your help. Then say to him, “I know you’re going through a rough patch right now and I wish you weren’t. I also know you’re strong enough to work through this and I’ll be cheering you on from the sidelines.”
3. If ARE asked to help and you’re more prone to be a victim, make a list of all the reasons that person can and should handle the problem on his own, without your help. Then say to him, “I know that I’ve helped you through things like this in the past.
This time I’d like to see you work it out on your own. I know you can. Any help I give you would only delay your ability to handle it. I’ll be here, cheering you on from the sidelines.”
I’m not going to lie to you and tell you it will feel good to do this the first few times. It might feel awful. You might be called “selfish” (gasp!) You are breaking a pattern you’ve probably had your entire life. What I will tell you is that eventually you will feel more in control than you have in a long time. You will also find your relationships are stronger because they will be based on friendship and caring rather than need.
The next time someone around you is being negative, silently wish them well and hold in your mind the image of them being victorious over whatever is bothering them. You’ll help them more than you know because you get what you pay attention to!