There’s Still Time – Great Year
By Silver Rose
There’s Still Time to Make this a Great Year!
It’s sad, but true. Most of us have a brain freeze in mid-December and the cerebral cortex doesn’t wake up until sometime around January 5th. When we finally come to, we are shocked (shocked, I tell you!) to find out it’s an entirely different year (in 2000, it was a new century, for crying out loud!)
In light of that, today would be a very good time to decide what needs to be done between now and mid-December to salvage the year. I don’t want any of you to come crying to me if you wake up on January 5th to discover you neglected to finish something very important in 2004. You have been notified – the end is near!
Three months is a wonderful lead time to produce some pretty great results. Right this second, I want you to grab a pen and a piece of paper and spend five minutes answering the following question:
The first draft of this column had a different question in the box – it asked only about results. However, as I started to do the exercise myself, I realized I was simply writing down tasks to complete. As I looked at the list, I realized it was redundant. I already know what tasks I have to do.
So then I asked myself, “How do I want to feel when the holidays arrive?” And that’s when I realized that what is important to focus on between now and year’s end are those things guaranteed to improve self-esteem.
At the end of the year, I’m not interested in looking back and realizing I’ve gotten 80% of my tasks finished. I’m much more interested in looking back to see how I’ve grown. Am I a better human being than I was a year ago? Have I been true to my values? Am I taking care of myself better? These are the things that are guaranteed to bolster the spirits at a time of year when so many are focused on what we didn’t get done on that endless “to do” list.
When I listed the results I want by year’s end, I realized they have one thing in common: they all involve stopping some form of self-punishment. For example, I want to reach my goal weight by year’s end. Not because I want to look good (although that will be enjoyable), but because I can then stop punishing myself for putting it off. When I get on the scale and realize I’m not any closer this week than I was last week, I feel like a fraud. And it doesn’t feel good. And then I punish myself for the failure. In order to reach my goal, I definitely need to stop that.
Remember, the Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” The more I beat myself up for NOT losing weight, the more I’m focused on not losing weight!
Because I told myself I would is the most important reason to strive to achieve anything. The more often we do something we said we would, the higher our self-esteem.
Ironically, most of us do the things we promised others we would do for them but, when it comes to keeping promises to ourselves, we think it not nearly as important.
If you had a friend who continued to break his promises to you, would you eventually decide he didn’t really care about you? That’s no different from the internal message we deliver each time we fail to keep promises to ourselves. The message is, “You’re not important enough for me to do this; what others want comes first. I don’t care enough about you to do this.”
If you don’t care about yourself, how can you ever expect others to?
Between now and year’s end, I invite you to focus on those results you’ve decided to produce and how great it’s going to feel on New Year’s Day when you look back and see how much you grew as a person during 2004. Read the list every day. Applaud yourself for every forward step you take. Applaud yourself when you fall off the path and get back up again. Above all, focus on delivering to yourself (through your actions and results) the following message, “I love you and I will keep my promises to you from now on.”
Because I said I would.
Courage
By Silver Rose
Courage –
The Key that Unlocks Empowerment
As a student of human nature, I continually search for the qualities that separate those who are vibrant, alive and excited by life from those who seem to be slowly marking time until retirement and/or death.
My observations have led me to believe that passionate people not only greet the challenges and inevitable changes of life, but incorporate them, and make them work. On the other side of the spectrum are those who resist change with every fiber of their being. When they let go of the old, it has claw marks on it.
It is the age-old battle between courage and fear. And most of us have experienced both sides, depending upon which area of life we are engaged in at the moment.
For example, some people are incredibly creative and courageous when it comes to sports, hobbies or crafts but, when at work, they are afraid to try new things. Others (and I fall into this category) are big risk-takers in our work but reluctant to try sports, hobbies or crafts. Whenever you are afraid to try something new, it’s usually because you fear you’ll fail at it. Worse, what if you make a fool of yourself?
Ironically, when we fight change because of fear, we cling to the past because we think it will keep us safe. In reality, our fear produces anxiety and causes us to cower and withdraw. It also prevents us from discovering new things about our capabilities that could be delightfully surprising.
Courage, on the other hand, produces precisely the results we hope to gain by resisting change. Courage gives us power and confidence.
In his remarkable book, Power vs. Force, David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D. identifies Courage as “the critical line that distinguishes the positive and negative influences of life.” He continues, “Courage implies the willingness to try new things and deal with the changes and challenges of life. This is the zone of exploration, accomplishment, fortitude, and determination.” This, by the way, is the area in which most small children reside.
When we combine Courage with the Law of Attraction, life spirals upward and begins to taste truly delicious. Because Courage results in empowerment, the more courageous we are, the more things we attract that empower us. At this level, life begins to get much easier. At the level of Courage, we experience true Power. At the level of Fear, everything requires Force. Power makes things easy; Force makes them difficult.
Years ago, I took a workshop called BestWork in which we explored levels of competence in various domains of life – career, family, physical, intellectual, etc. One of the best outcomes of that workshop for me was that I finally understood that I do not need to be great at everything and that it would be impossible (not to mention exhausting) to be so.
Now that I understand Law of Attraction, I can see that becoming a Master in any domain requires focus. The more focus, the quicker the Mastery. Pursuing Mastery also takes Courage. For one thing, it requires that we give up other things. Comedian Steven Wright says, “You can’t have it all. Where would you put it?” How true that is.
Most people don’t even recognize their own Courage. If you’re good at anything – playing a musical instrument, fixing things around the house, putting together parties, creating beautiful and articulate reports, typing, etc. – it’s because at some point you had the Courage to try it. Now it’s become something you take for granted but it’s a skill or talent that started with Courage. That’s how they all start and that’s why many of us never get beyond the skills we developed as children. Children are not afraid to try new things. As a result, they often become quite skilled at them.
If we could approach changes at work and in life with the Courage of small children, we’d find that life has infinite possibilities – and that we each have wonderful talents, skills, and capabilities to uncover.
In retrospect, if toddlers approached things with the fear of many adults, the first time they tried to walk and fell down would be the last step they ever took.
If not for the natural Courage of children, we’d still be walking around on all fours!!!
The Greatness in Us All
By Silver Rose
The Greatness in Us All
The Olympics are over for 2004. The benefits will linger for years to come. Would you like to help make sure they do?
It’s easy to think of the Olympics as a colossal sporting event. To do so would be to miss the impact the Games have on the spirit of the world at large and the individual spirits of those of us who watched.
In his amazing book, Power vs. Force, Dr. David Hawkins describes it this way:
It is what they have become that inspires.
As they become more, so do we.
The power of the Olympics to transform first came to my attention through my father. I remember, as a small child, sitting with my family watching the figure skating competition during the Winter Olympics. Imagine my astonishment when I looked over and saw my father, a gruff and severe man, with tears running down his face. “Daddy!” I cried, “What’s wrong?!?” He turned to ALL OF us and said, “It’s just so beautiful.”
Greatness always stirred my father. Greatness stirs us all. Perhaps it’s because, at the precise moment we are moved by greatness, we become aware of the greatness that lies within us. And that awareness connects us to everyone else in a profound way.
The Olympics are full of competition. What’s unique about that competition is that the athletes are competing less with their “opponents” and more with their own personal best. This competition with self is available to each of us every single day if we take the opportunity.
The Law of Attraction says, “You attract more of what you focus on.” As we sat, mesmerized by the quality of the Olympic competition, we were attracting into our own lives a higher level of quality with regard to our own particular talents. The more we focus on the greatness of others, the more our own greatness finds expression.
More than anything, the Olympics cause us to experience profound hope for this planet. When we see the athletes of all those nations marching together, living together, and competing together we see the possibility of a future that includes more of that. Yes, we want our nation to win but that doesn’t preclude feeling awe and respect when an athlete from a different nation breaks a world record or performs flawlessly.
What if we were to bring the spirit of the Olympics into our work every day? What would that look like?
§ Each of us striving to be the very best we can be;
§ Cheering the achievements of our co-workers, even if they surpass our own
§ Commitment to achieving better results today than we did yesterday
§ Instead of thinking, “I have to go to work today,” understanding what a gift it is to be able to use your talents as you “get to go to work today.”
Don’t let the Olympics stay in Athens. Keep them alive through what they’ve inspired in you. You may never get your face on a Wheaties box but you’ll earn your own medal forged of self-respect. And that is worth its weight in gold.
Seeking Approval
By Silver Rose
Seeking Approval
This weekend, I spent some time reviewing notes from courses I’ve taken over the past year. One of them struck me as a wonderful topic for this week’s column. It said:
No one knows better than you what will fulfill and make you happy. The problem is, your mind often gets in the way. That is why every one of us was born with an inner guide to help us sort things out. Some call it “intuition;” others “gut feeling;” many call is “soul;” Whatever the name, we all have this guidance system within us. Unfortunately, we have trained ourselves to ignore it, often looking to others to tell us what to do.
You cannot depend upon your thoughts to guide you well. First of all, there are far too many of them to sort through. Secondly, science hasn’t yet proven that the thoughts you have are even yours. Your brain is a sophisticated radio transmitter/receiver and some of the thoughts that flash through may have come from your next door neighbor! (Haven’t you ever had a bizarre thought and said to yourself, “Where did THAT come from?!?” Well, it could have come from your co-worker one cubicle over!)
Your guidance system uses your emotions to lead you toward your path. Fortunately, it is a much easier system to follow than it would be if you were guided by all those complicated thoughts.
There may be a strong temptation for you to resist the idea that it could actually be this simple. But think of animals and how effectively they use their own simple guidance systems (aka: instincts). They move toward what feels good and away from what feels bad or dangerous.
If you study dogs, for example, you will observe that they always seek out what will make them the most comfortable. They never settle for the first position when they lie down. They move around and get as comfortable as possible. They sniff food before they gulp it down. If it doesn’t smell pleasing, they will walk away.
Human beings, on the other hand, have been systematically taught to ignore their instincts. We read books entitled, “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.” NO!!!! The fear is there for a reason. It is your inner guidance telling you (VERY STRONGLY) that “If you stay focused on what you are paying attention to, you are not going to like the results.”
If your dog were standing in front of a large bush with his hair standing on end and growling, would you grab him by the nape of the neck, throw him INTO the bush yelling, “Get in there, you coward!”?? Of course not. You understand that his instincts are telling him that something is wrong.
And yet, when we seek approval from others instead of paying attention to our inner guide, it is the same thing. We are setting aside our instincts and relying on others to tell us what to do. As Dr. Phil would say, “How’s that workin’ for you?”
Your inner guidance system will ALWAYS steer you toward what’s best for you. That is precisely why negative emotions feel so bad. If they didn’t, you wouldn’t be motivated to take a different direction!
So, instead of asking friends and relatives for what you should do, ask your inner guide, “Is this the best way for me to handle this?” You will know the answer is “yes” if you experience a good feeling. If your stomach is sinking, the answer is clearly “no.”
The easiest way to fully leverage your guidance system? Do EVERYTHING in your power to get happy and stay there. When you can do that, you will find life becomes the joy it was meant to be.
Action Cancels Fear
By Silver Rose
Overcoming Procrastination & Worry
Somewhere between the ages of 8 and 12, I suffered from chronic School Night Insomnia. Statistics show that 8 out of 10 school age children contract this dreaded disease at least once in their school career. Many are never cured and carry it into adulthood.
Everyone’s symptoms are a little different. For example, this terrible affliction caused me to lie awake until 2, 3, and 4 in the morning, staring at the ceiling, terrified by the sure knowledge of what would happen to me in the morning when my teacher discovered I hadn’t done my homework.
In an effort to distract myself (and to overcome the endless tedium of staring at the ceiling which had no interesting qualities whatsoever), I would sneak into the bathroom and do one of several entertaining things: (1) I would read Nancy Drew books and become convinced that, because Nancy was so amazingly clever, her teacher never yelled at her; (2) I would rearrange the medicine cabinet alphabetically, thereby causing my father to curse and holler in the morning, “For cryin’ out loud, where IS my shaver?!? (see “r” for razor) or (3) like some sort of mad facial anthropologist, I would gaze upon my countenance in the mirror, making horrible discoveries. I came to understand, with depressing clarity, that I was destined to go through life with a lopsided face, a crooked mouth and a chorus line of blackheads dancing around the corners of my nose.
Now, here’s the embarrassing part of the story. Not once – in the three or four years I suffered from chronic School Night Insomnia – not ONCE did it occur to me to sneak into the bathroom AND JUST DO MY HOMEWORK!!!!
Lo! Many years later, I looked back at the years of suffering and realized that the reason I couldn’t sleep was due to fear. And I discovered a very important principle that has helped me to overcome procrastination and worry:
Now, I am not, for one minute, suggesting that you “feel the fear and do it anyway.” I think fear is there for a reason and it is imperative that we pay attention to it. What I AM suggesting is that, when you are worried about something or procrastinating, that you determine what small action step you can take that will bring you closer to where you want to be.
Without a doubt, obsessing about it will produce no positive results at all and may, in fact, make you sick.
In the hit movie, What About Bob? the psychiatrist, played by Richard Dreyfuss has written a book in which he advocates overcoming any kind of problem in your life by taking “baby steps” toward the end goal. This wonderful movie, designed to make us laugh, has inadvertently helped many who suffer from worry and procrastination.
Bob, the patient played so brilliantly by Bill Murray, takes the “baby steps” advice to heart and slowly overcomes his varied and numerous neuroses and psychoses (while literally driving his psychiatrist crazy!) My favorite scene is when he decides to overcome his fear of the water by having his new friends tie him tightly to the masthead on a sailboat so there is no possibility of falling in. As he sails by Dreyfuss, he happily yells something like, “Look, Doc! I’m sailing! I’m sailing! Ain’t it GREAT!?!”
Small steps, even taken at 3 or 4 in the morning, can go a long way toward reducing anxiety and ensuring success. If, at the age of 8, I knew about the Law of Attraction, I would have realized that, by focusing on how my teacher was going to punish me, I was virtually guaranteeing that it would come to pass. Not only that but I was attracting the same sort of relationship in other areas of my life (with my parents, for example).
You attract what you focus on. When it comes to worry and procrastination, think of Bill Murray tied to the masthead and take just one baby step of action. I promise you, your fear and anxiety will start to dissolve immediately.