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Happy Moments
A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don’t allow the happy moment because they are SO BUSY trying to get a happy life.
– Esther Hicks
The quote above arrived in an email this week and it impacted me like a cold bucket of water on a hot summer’s day.
My oldest daughter, whenever she is reminded of something she already knew but forgot, inevitably says, “Ohhhh yeahhh!” When I read this quote I had the same reaction.
How easy it is to slip back into the habit of postponing the experience of a happy life until all the circumstances line up perfectly. It’s so LOGICAL to think, “When my bills are paid off,” or “When I get that promotion,” or “When my health improves” THEN I’ll be happy.
I ate breakfast at a restaurant this morning and was lucky enough to have a young family sit nearby. The two young boys looked to be about 3 or 4 years old and were cousins (okay, I was eavesdropping). Asian, they had dark hair sticking up straight in today’s style and wore matching green t-shirts. When they laughed, their faces would light up and their eyes disappear. And they laughed a lot. The older of the two would do something comical (like drink two drinks out of two straws at the same time) and his younger cousin, of course, had to follow suit. They were having wonderful, happy moments, for no reason whatsoever except that it felt good to laugh and be silly. I was having my own wonderfully happy moments watching their unapologetic joy.
I don’t know if I would have had those moments before I read the quote that woke me up. I’d been feeling sorry for myself of late, worried about a troubled friend. I’d been postponing my own happy life until she “got better.” How silly. My delaying my own happiness won’t help her get better. On the contrary, it will probably delay it.
Each day, we have many opportunities for happy moments. Beyond the obvious (sun shining, birds singing) there are the not-so-obvious, things like:
• completing a task on time
• being able to help a co-worker
• the boss commenting on a job well done
• getting to work in plenty of time to have a leisurely cup of coffee before plunging in
• finding a solution to a challenging problem
• the sudden realization that you’re really GOOD at what you do
When you finish reading this, I invite you to spend the rest of the day having happy moments. Every time you have one, put an asterisk on a piece of paper and, before you go home for the day, add up how many asterisks you have.
Once you’ve counted them up, pause for a moment and ask yourself the following questions:
• Were you clearly more productive as a result?
• How do you feel right this minute?
Then go home and ask whomever you live with (even your cat), “What were YOUR happy moments today?” The answers may surprise you.
I do want you to have a happy life but that is no longer my wish for you. Instead, I wish for you a never-ending string of happy moments.
Creating Your Own Flow
Now that I’m actively participating on the social networking site Facebook, I’ve become even more keenly aware of how we shoot ourselves in the foot when it comes to using focus to our full advantage.
I see postings like, “Another day of drudgery at work,” or “Is it time to retire yet?” or people whipping each other into a frenzy over the latest political snafu.
I believe we naturally want to bond with each other and we think the fastest route to that end is to share negative feelings that others can relate to. I mean, who wouldn’t utter a heartfelt “Amen!” to someone’s posting: “Just two more days of sleep, that’s all I need!”
Unfortunately, all this negative banter gives us exactly the opposite of what we want.
What would life be like if we were to live each day fully harnessing The Law of Attraction that dictates, “You get more of what you focus on?”
Let’s first understand that whether we use it on purpose or not, the principles of this Law have tremendous impact on our day-to-day lives. It’s where expressions like, “It went from bad to worse” came from. Fortunately, it’s also where expressions like. “The better it gets, the better it gets” come from.
In order to harness The Law of Attraction to full advantage, we would need to be careful about where we place our focus. No more self-indulgent negativity. No more “being right” about how awful things are or how people are rude or how the country is going to hell in a hand basket.
Focusing on what we don’t want is merely a habit. We can just as easily create the habit of focusing on what we DO want. The challenge is to do it when so many others are doing just the opposite. It requires swimming against the tide.
One thing I would need to do, for example, is begin focusing on the positive postings on Facebook—there are many. It doesn’t mean I won’t see the others; they are there. It simply means that I have the opportunity every day to simply skip over the ones I don’t agree with and find the ones I do.
Facebook is really a metaphor for how we live our lives. It is, after all, a social networking site. How we engage there is how we engage face-to-face. We can go there to find things that make us feel good (like all the fun games and silly tests) or we can look for things to push against. Whenever I think of which I’d rather do, I imagine the difference on the faces of people who are holding a candlelight vigil for something they believe in versus the angry faces of people who are protesting against something they vehemently oppose. Which way would I rather feel?
If we actively sought to use The Law of Attraction to our advantage each day, we would focus on what makes us feel good. When we get up in the morning, we’d be happy to be alive one more day. When in the shower, we’d thrill to the feel of the water on our bodies. We’d savor our morning beverage and be grateful for food to nourish us.
As we went about our day, we would look for people who please us—the clerk at the store who smiles when we purchase the morning paper; the drivers on the freeway who leave room for us to merge into traffic; the co-worker who pleasantly greets us as we arrive on the job.
We’d look at our circumstances and be grateful for what we have: clothing to keep us protected; beautiful scenery to enjoy; a roof over our heads and a bed to sleep in each night.
As we become more grateful for what we have, we begin to notice something wonderful. The more grateful we are, the more we get. Suddenly, things we’d wanted for quite some time are ours. Circumstances seem to line up magically.
It’s important to actively harness The Law of Attraction each day precisely because we DO get more of what we focus on. Use your focus carefully. Use it as the gift that it is. Watch what happens when you decide to swim in the opposite direction of the negative flow. The waters are much warmer, more refreshing and the current will easily carry you when you swim downstream in the river of positive focus.
Adventures in Living
I once knew a drummer who played with a Blues band. He told me the story of working with a singer well into her 80s who was so infirm they would roll her onto the stage in a wheelchair and place the microphone in her lap. The band played the opening strains of the song she was to sing over and over and simply waited. When she was moved to do so, she would pick up the mike and start to sing. It was always worth the wait.
One day they were commiserating backstage. He was in his early 20s and just starting in the business. He asked her, “You’ve been around so long. What advice do you have for me? She looked him straight in the eye as she replied, “Honey, whoever dies with the most adventures wins!”
What a great approach to life!
What is an adventure, anyway? Isn’t it whatever you say it is?
We all know people who define an adventure much differently than we would. My friend Betty rates vacation spots 5-star only if there is no running water or electricity. She wants to be out in the open, under the stars enjoying nature at its naked best.
It’s not my cup of tea but it sure makes her happy!
Other adventurers do things like jump out of planes or off bridges tied to bungee cords. My heart beats rapidly at the mere idea.
But every day can also be an adventure! It’s all a matter of focus. The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. What might your life be like if you looked at it through the lens of adventure?
A great role model for this is the cartoon dog Snoopy who could take the simple act of eating and turn it into a jungle hunt for prey.
What if getting ready for work each morning were an adventure of “human against the clock?” Rather than dragging yourself through the morning yawning and moaning, you could turn it into a high stakes game that gets your adrenalin pumping and makes you feel alive. Of course, some of you do this already but in a negative way. You get up too late and then it’s a heart-in-your-throat adventure to get to work on time or at least to your desk before your boss notices you’re late. What kind of impact do you think this type of adventure has on the balance of your day?
How could you turn work into an adventure? What would be your equivalent of a bungee cord ride? Perhaps you can focus on what you are discovering (also known as learning) as you move through your day. Many of us get excited when, on vacation or over the weekend we go to a museum or on a tour of a park. We can’t wait to tell friends all that we learned from our guides. What if we shared what we learn at work with equal excitement? Is it any less of an adventure? It’s actually even better because you’re getting paid for learning!
Take a look at your life over this past summer. Make a list of the adventures you’ve added to your list. Maybe you survived the ordeal of a co-worker’s vacation when you were left behind to carry his workload. Is this any less exciting than someone in the news who survived being stranded at an airport for 48 hours by the weather?
Perhaps you figured out some amazing shortcuts for doing your work faster or better. Are they any less impressive than finding shortcuts while on a forest hike?
The kinds of lives we lead all have to do with perspective. I know rich people who are miserable and poor people who are happy as can be. It all has to do with their points of view. One finds life a series of adventures (how little can we spend this week by using coupons at the grocery store?) and the other finds life a chore (“Why can’t I have a drink? Last call doesn’t apply to me!”)
Helen Keller said it perhaps best, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.”
Remember—whoever dies with the most adventures wins. It could be you!
What does your energy attract?
I pulled a book off my shelf this week that was gathering dust. It should not have been; it is a very worthwhile read. In 1989 Stuart Wilde wrote The Trick to Money is Having Some! and it’s still relevant to today’s world.
I opened up its pages with hope in my heart and excitement in my belly. You see, I have used the Law of Attraction to heal many important areas of my life: my relationships, my physical and mental health, and my spiritual connection. There is one area I continue to struggle with—money. According to Wilde that struggle is a root cause:
“Effort is a natural part of our physical state, but struggle is effort laced with emotion, and that is unnatural and unholy. Inside the energy of abundance, there is no struggle, only flow.”
As I made my way through this wonderful book, the theme that stood out is that money is simply a form of energy. So I asked myself, “What kind of energy am I putting out around the topic of money?”
Clues abound when I look at what I attract. First, I have a belief that everything always works out. Not bad, right? It’s certainly better than, “Yikes! I am REALLY in trouble!” Unfortunately, although things do work out, it’s usually by the skin of my teeth. A more satisfying belief would be that I always have more money than I need in any given moment.
Secondly, I have a core belief that you have to labor really hard to make a lot of money. Over the years, I have worked on softening that belief but it is still there. This is also unfortunate because, to tell you the truth, I have little interest in working really hard. I don’t think anyone wants to do that, even if they are. Most people I know who work really hard believe that someday they won’t have to. That “someday” doesn’t ever seem to arrive.
Finally (and this is the ironic part), I have trouble focusing when it comes to attracting money; it has never motivated me. I am motivated by learning cool things. I generally have several projects going at once, none of them getting the focused attention that would manifest the desired results. Because my energy is scattered, so are my results. But here’s what I suddenly understood as I was writing this column: if I make “creating abundance” a learning project, it will definitely capture my interest. How cool is that?
The solution to any area in your life where you’re not getting what you want always lies with The Law of Attraction which dictates that you get more of what you focus on.
The more we focus on lack, the more of it we attract. We need instead to nurture an abundant consciousness.
• When we see someone spending gobs of money on something we deem frivolous, it is important to say, “What fun!” instead of maligning him/her.
• Rather than scanning the news for signs of corporate greed, scan for business people who are also philanthropists, using their money for good. Then imagine yourself doing the same.
• Get into the habit of receiving. If you see a penny on the sidewalk, pick it up. When someone offers you something, don’t talk them out of it. Say, “Thank you. I accept.”
More than anything, it’s important to work on increasing our positive energy. Wilde wrote, “In a world where everything is ordinary and dull…if you invest energy in things, people respond.” There are millions of people for whom price is irrelevant. What they want is energy. If they can get it from hanging around you, they will reward you with abundance.
I know this to be true because, in my research I’ve discovered that people who get promoted up the ranks are usually the ones who have the kind of energy the organization wants. Of course, those of us who are not in the habit of abundant thinking make up stories like, “She got that job because she’s a brown nose,” or, “He has political connections or he wouldn’t be here.” That kind of thinking only keeps us stuck in our world of lack.
So if you’re going to invest your time and money in something that will pay the greatest dividends, it would be wise to do whatever you can to increase your positive energy. That’s the trick—to money and to anything worth having!
Choose Your Addiction
Last week I attended a class about addiction. It was fascinating.
The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you are focused on. The Law of Addiction, according to our instructor is: stress = cravings. Once the cravings set in, your reptilian brain (the one that reacts without contemplation) sends a thought to your cerebral cortex (the thinking brain) that it’s definitely a good idea to use what you are addicted to whether it’s food, alcohol, drugs or your credit card. Once that happens, the addict has no reasoning ability to say “no.”
If you’ve ever done something or put something into your mouth that caused negative consequences and afterwards wondered, “What was I thinking?!?” then you have uttered the addict’s lament.
Addiction counselors will tell you that there is a road to recovery but no cure. Once the neural pathways in your brain make you an addict, there is no evidence that you can go back to normal behavior in that one area.
So what works to prevent a relapse in addictive behavior? When your reptilian brain is in charge, you can forget about relying on your mind to support you; the best defense is a spiritual connection with a power greater than yourself.
There is always a part of us that is connected to that power—the instructor referred to it as your true essence. I think of that part of me as who I really am or my inner guide. Some refer to it as soul, gut instinct or intuition. When we practice any addiction, that truest and best part of ourselves is buried and difficult to reach.
The good news is that your true essence may be covered up but it remains ever present and you can access it whenever you choose.
Addictions create a barrier to connection which is ironic given that there is a large body of thought that the very thing addicts seek is a spiritual connection. Who do they generally talk to when things get out of control? Who do they bargain with? (“Please, God, if you get me out of this I’ll never do it again!”) It’s their higher power.
If the Law of Addiction is stress=cravings, then what happens if you are addicted to stress? That seems a ridiculous proposition but think about it. When you get stressed out, it triggers the release of the stress hormone adrenaline. The effects of adrenaline cause, among other things, physiological arousal, alertness, energy and it prepares the body for explosive activity.
When you live your life in emergency mode, you guarantee that adrenaline regularly floods into your system. This is the “fight or flight” syndrome we’re all familiar with and it resides within your reptilian brain. Much like speed or cocaine, the immediate effect might make you feel better but the long-term impact can be devastating. In addition to attracting other addictions (coffee, sugar, sleeping pills to calm down), it wreaks havoc with your body. It inhibits judgment and interferes with fine motor control, making the use of complex skills difficult.
We experience the preparatory flow of adrenaline into the body typically as ‘butterflies in your stomach’.
The ability to reduce stress is a compelling reason to learn how to harness the Law of Attraction to your advantage. Rather than focusing on all those undone things that make you break out in a cold sweat, if you can instead pay attention to what you’re accomplishing, that one shift alone will reduce your stress level considerably. Here are some other ways to use focus as a tool:
• Consider problems or obstacles as an opportunity to exercise your
creativity:
• If you’re competitive, compete against the clock or your last best
performance just for fun;
• Meditate daily. There is no other single tool that is more effective to
reduce stress.
We all have addictive tendencies. Why not become addicted to feeling good? Serotonin, although a much less dramatic hormone, is much more fun than adrenaline. The easiest way to produce it is by focusing on that which makes you happy. Change your focus, change your life!