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Focused Meetings – What a Concept!
If you’ve ever thought your organization has secretly decided to dispose of you by using a “death by meetings” strategy, then you will be happy to know that there is a way to hold meetings that are short, to-the-point and more productive than you ever dreamed possible.
Not surprisingly, the key is focus.
I just completed a training course entitled Designing and Leading Effective Meetings put on by the California Workforce Association. (www.calworkforce.org). It may not be the path to world peace. (Then again how will we know unless we try it?) However, the techniques I learned reminded me that too much of my life has been wasted in meetings that seemed destined for the Guinness Book of World Records in several categories: (1) longest; (2) most boring; and (3) biggest waste of time.
During this incredible training I learned how to better facilitate a Consensus Workshop, an Action Planning meeting and my personal favorite, what they call a Focused Conversation. Besides the obvious connection to my tagline Change Your Focus, Change Your Life, the reason I so like the methodology behind the Focused Conversation is because it provides a solid framework for and expands upon a technique I’ve been using for years—employing questions to get yourself and/or others to focus.
Using questions for the purpose of focus is a technique as old as Socrates and no doubt someone taught it to him. One would think it a simple thing to do. After all, we ask questions all the time. But when you use them purposefully to get others to focus on something specific, the design of the question is crucial. For example, see the difference in these two questions:
Question #1 – How should we design our new training program?
vs.
Question #2 – What elements should be included in our new training program?
Question #1 will trigger a free-for-all covering a wide variety of topics from what type of software to buy to whether the training guide font should be Comic Sans or Times New Roman. At the end of the meeting, the only likely decision will be that a committee should be formed to take on the project. Meanwhile, the new training program remains in the idea phase with no clear path toward completion.
Question #2 succeeds in getting participants to focus on specifics. At the end of the meeting, the training program has been fleshed out and a decision can be made on the next steps for full implementation.
That is the power of a Focused Conversation. When it’s done by a trained facilitator, participants are engaged, heard and part of the final decisions. It can be used by itself or as part of other types of meetings.
Not everyone reading this has a budget to hire a facilitator or to attend a training to learn it themselves. That, however, does not mean that you cannot take advantage of some of the techniques. The best facilitators spend hours in preparation for meetings. Take a page from them—preparation is the most powerful way to impact the outcome of a meeting. Plan your questions in advance. Make sure they are open-ended; the best ones begin with the word ‘what.” Make sure they are designed to get participants to hone in on what you want to discuss or resolve. Then analyze each question to determine if the answers will bring you closer to action or will create a further delay.
There are many varieties of Focused Conversations. You can have one with a group, with just one other person and with yourself using paper and pen. The most important consideration is how to formulate the kinds of questions that will most quickly bring you to action. Whether that action is in the form of a decision made or a list of steps that need to be taken, either transforms a conversation or meeting from a waste of time to time well spent.
Finding Your Oasis
For the first time in my life, I’ve been meditating daily and SURPRISE! all the things I’d heard about its benefits are true:
• I’m calm – For over 20 years, I have been in recovery from clinical depression. Over the years the amount of time that elapses between feeling fine and feeling melancholy or depressed has gotten shorter and shorter. Before I began meditating, when I ran up against something frustrating, it often knocked me off course for a few hours. Since I’ve been meditating, I have not had any such episodes. Now, when I run up against an obstacle, instead of being thrown into a negative tailspin and losing productive time, I’m able to keep things in stride and move forward.
• I have faith. Over the years I’ve gone from obsessive worrying to using self-talk to calm myself when worries creep in. Having said that, I still had a nagging sense that problems might be just around the corner. I’ve had to work hard to keep fear at bay. Since I began meditating, I’m not concerned about what the future holds. I have complete faith that I will land on my feet. If I look at my history, I always have been fine but worried that my “luck” would run out (as though I had somehow exceeded my quota.)
• I know what to do. If there were a contest for second-guessing, I’d have won many years in a row. I have no problem taking action but often wondered whether the action I was taking would turn me in the “right” direction. I was plagued by “what ifs. “What if I marketed my business one way and it was the wrong way? What if I didn’t respond to a request for proposal and it was “meant to be?”
In my daily meditation, I receive answers to my questions about which direction I should take. It’s difficult to describe what happens but I’ll try. I’ll think of something I’m planning to do and some plans will generate a feeling of absolute certainty and excitement and others will fall flat—it’s as if I presented the idea to a panel of judges and I either get a unanimous “thumbs up” or the panel acts as if they didn’t even hear me.
When I feel that surge of positive emotion for an idea, I am then inspired to take action and I know it will turn out well for me (and it does).
• I feel connected to who I really am. We are all born with an inner guide that I believe is our connection to Source Energy. Some people refer to this guide as their soul; others call it gut instinct or intuition. Whatever you call it, it is always guiding you but not through your thoughts. It guides you through your emotions. When you feel positive emotion, it is your guide saying, “If you stay focused where you are focused, you are really going to like the results.” The strong surge of positive emotion I receive in meditation when I think of something I’m planning to do is a very clear message from my guidance system that I am on the right track.
Beyond that, I experience a very strong connection to my highest self and I am completely confident that I am being guided to my highest good. It is a delicious experience.
Whether, like me, you suffer from depression or melancholy or you simply want your life to get better than it is now, I highly recommend you try meditation. Thirty minutes, usually in the morning, is what works for me. I use a meditation tape but you don’t need one. You can listen to classical music, sounds of nature or nothing at all.
There are two highly effective ways to meditate:
1. Empty your mind of thoughts. Focus on your breath. When a thought occurs, simply notice it and go back to focusing on your breathing.
2. Go on a rampage of appreciation. This is by far the quickest and most satisfying way to connect to Source Energy. As you journey through all the people and things you appreciate in your life, the positive emotions will be the best high you’ve ever experienced. It’s your personal oasis.
Defeating Fear
Silver is travelling. Please enjoy a repeat of this column from October, 2002:
I’ve felt the presence of an old adversary this week – Fear. I don’t care much for Fear. We lived together for about 30 years of my life and when I finally tossed him out, I thought it was for good.
But Fear is a sneaky guy. He patiently waits for an opening and makes himself right at home, as comfortable as if he never left.
At first, I didn’t even notice he was there. The feeling was so familiar it felt like a cozy old sweater. It wasn’t long, however, before it started to make me itch. In very short order, I had a full-blown rash. I am, you see, allergic to Fear. Everyone is.
That’s when I became aware that Fear was back in my life. I immediately began to look for the tools I’ve used in the past to successfully banish him. Here they are:
• Identify what you’re afraid of. Whatever it is, it’s ALWAYS something that you do not want. Once you see what it is that you don’t want, ask yourself, “Okay, what DO I want?” (Usually the exact opposite of what you don’t want.)
• Once you’ve identified what you want, put your full attention on it. What will it be like when you have it? How will you feel? Where are you, physically? What environment are you in? Who is there with you? Paint a compelling picture. You’ll know you’ve succeeded when you feel as if you’ve already gotten what you want.
• Take action.
Action cancels fear – every single time.
• Focus on the solution. Fear thrives in any environment in which people are looking at the problem instead of the solution.
• Ask yourself, “Is everything okay right this minute?” Usually fear is about something we’re afraid might happen.
Worry is using your imagination to attract something you DON’T want.
– Esther Hicks
Fear will always be with us. It actually serves an excellent purpose. When we feel it in the pit of our stomach, it is a clear signal that we are in the process of attracting something we definitely do not want. As one of the Emotional Messengers that guide us through life, Fear’s purpose is to let us know when we are seriously off course in the pursuit of achieving what we want. Once we learn to read Fear for what it is—a signal that we need to make a course correction—we can take the action that will put us back on track. Having fulfilled its purpose, Fear leaves.
So you see, it wasn’t really an adversary that visited me this week. Fear is simply a messenger. I read the message, am making the course correction, and things are getting back on track, and rather quickly.
That’s the way the Law of Attraction works—you get more of what you focus on! Fear can help you to identify when it’s time to shift your focus.
What’s Your Dream?
Here is what all negative emotion is. It is what you feel when you are focused on something that separates you from who you really are. For example, while you focus on the economy with the conviction that it’s a terrible mess and “we’ll never survive,” your Inner Guide is focused on all the positive aspects of the same economy. The fear or anger or frustration you feel (depending on how strongly you are focused) is the rift between you and your Inner Guide who refuses to agree with you. Your Inner Guide is not fighting you—you’re fighting It. That’s what all negative emotion is—the separation between you and who you really are.
Most would agree that there are many people who are thriving despite what you see on the news day after day. And I’m not talking about those who use the situation to take advantage of people. I mean the many ethical, good people who have not experienced problems due to the economy or, if they have, are using the challenges to progress in a positive direction.
It turns out that the old adage, “You’re either part of the problem or part of the solution,” is a great way to tap the power of the Law of Attraction which says, “You get more of what you focus on.”
Those who are focused on the problem are fighting their Inner Guide and attracting more problems. Those who are focused on the solution are aligned with their inner guidance system and attracting more possibilities.
Susan Boyle is a great example of the power of the Law of Attraction. A 47-year-old woman from a small village in Scotland, her dream was to be a professional singer. She spent her entire life lining up the energy to get to where she wanted to go. As life circumstances caused her focus to shift over the years (her buy-in to the cruel things people said about her appearance, the need for her to care for her ailing mother, etc.), her focus on the dream ebbed and flowed but she never gave up. Every time she focused on her dream with the belief that it could happen, her Inner Guide agreed and Susan was aligned with who she really is. Whenever she focused on how impossible it was, she was fighting her Inner Guide and she felt dejected.
It’s very clear that the majority of Boyle’s focus was on the belief that achieving her dream was possible. How do I know? Let’s look at the evidence. Her dream did not come true as it does for many singers—step-by-step over a period of years as they struggle to make a living doing what they love. Instead, when Boyle was finally in a position to achieve her dream (her Mom had passed away and she was mature enough not to let cruel people convince her that someone who looks like her could never be a professional singer), she rendezvoused with the television show Britain’s Got Talent and the rest is history. She stepped out on the stage and was greeted with disrespect and snickers. When she walked off the stage she was a professional singer whose You-Tube video received millions of hits in the first week. She and her magnificent voice became world famous overnight. That was one powerful alignment of energy.
Her overnight success threw her into a tailspin but that’s probably because, when she envisioned her dream, she never looked past “wowing” audiences. That part has come true and so has her ability to make money with her voice. Now it’s up to Boyle to use her focus to attract the kind of career she wants. The possibilities are limitless and I trust she’ll have what she wants—she’s already demonstrated her ability to harness the Law of Attraction to her advantage.
Can you achieve your dreams more quickly than Boyle did? Absolutely; people do so every day. What’s required is to stay in harmony with your Inner Guide. When you are feeling positive, you are in alignment and the fulfillment of your desires is headed your way.
Susan Boyle “dreamed a dream” and it made her an international inspiration. What’s your dream? What are you waiting for?
To see Susan’s amazing debut, click here:
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5 Simple Ways to Support Job-Seekers Who are In Distress
As dislocated workers flood into One-Stop Centers looking for assistance, staff members are faced with the growing dilemma of how to effectively support them. Although one-on-one assistance is sorely needed, the sheer volume makes it nearly impossible to deliver. Given that fact, how can staff members, who want to help, support their clients, especially those who are in distress?
Even if you only spend a minute or two with a visitor to your One-Stop, there are a number of simple, easy-to-implement techniques that will significantly help ease their distress:
1. Address the client by name. People who have lost their jobs often feel tossed aside and unimportant. The simple act of using their formal name (Mr. Santiago or Ms. Brown) implies a respect that will go a long way toward soothing their bruised egos. If they insist you use their first name, so much the better. It indicates you have already put them more at ease.
2. Set their expectations. Even though much of your job may be routine, it is all new to the job-seeker. Whether you are the receptionist or a case worker, let your clients know (at the very beginning of your interaction) how much time you will spend with them and what you can do. Upsets happen for all of us when we expect X to happen and Y happens instead. Clarifying expectations at the beginning of your interaction takes only a few seconds and will go a long way toward avoiding problems when it is time for you to move on to the next client.
3. Give your full attention to the client you are talking with. As a nation, we are poor listeners. We routinely multi-task, looking at computer screens or paperwork instead of directly at the person we are talking with. If you need to look at your computer screen or consult paperwork, let your client know what you are doing. “Let me look that up on my computer,” or, “Let me look at these guidelines to see what they say.” This shows respect. Also, if a co-worker interrupts you with something that must be dealt with at that moment, say to your client, “Please excuse me for a moment,” before responding.
4. Be sensitive to the situation and use appropriate behavior. If you are in a restaurant with someone you care about and they tell you they lost their job, you probably would not ignore him or her to tell jokes or gossip with the waitress; that would be insensitive. Likewise, when you are working with clients, it is insensitive to be talking with a co-worker about last night’s American Idol or discussing what you plan to eat for lunch. Non-work-related talk should be restricted to your breaks or when there are no clients waiting (which, alas, these days is never).
5. Avoid expressions that might upset. Although well-meaning, we often say things we hope will be soothing that instead spark negative emotions. Avoid the following expressions:
I know exactly how you feel.
No, you don’t! Clearly you have a job; the client does not.
Don’t feel upset – or- be angry – or – think like that.
No one likes to be told how to feel, think or be.
Things will get better (or other cheerful expressions).
Instead try the reassuring phrase, “We have lots of resources that can help.”
I’m sorry, I can’t do that.
Most people hear “I WON’T do that.” Try instead, “Here is what I CAN do.”
As a workforce professional, your job is to serve the public and the current jobs crisis is an opportunity for you to shine even brighter than usual. Use all of the above tips and you will find that most of your clients will leave feeling better than when they first walked in. As a bonus, you’ll feel better, too!