Motivating Feedback
By Silver Rose
Motivating Feedback
In a recent workshop for managers, I taught a feedback technique that has been very useful in my work. Since that workshop, I have been pondering the whole concept of feedback and how we use it on ourselves, both to motivate and as a way to crush our own spirits.
Feedback, in its purest essence is neither positive nor negative. It is merely data. How it is received cannot be controlled by the person providing the data; how it is received is controlled completely by the data’s recipient. When the provider and the recipient are one and the same, it can get very interesting.
I often lament that, if we talked to a small child the way we sometimes talk to ourselves, we would be arrested for verbal child abuse. I doubt that any readers of this column would say to a child, “How could you be so stupid? What on EARTH were you thinking, you idiot? You never get anything right!” And yet, we feel perfectly comfortable talking to ourselves this way, sometimes even sharing it with others. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. Wait until I tell you what I did!” or, “I’m such an idiot. This won’t happen again, I promise.”
I am using this week’s column to teach a feedback process that will assist enormously in removing the sting of the whip from your internal feedback process.
THE NT/LB FEEDBACK PROCESS
When completing a project or a task, ask yourself the following two questions:
1. If you would do anything differently next time, what would it be?
2. What did you like best about what you did?
This is called the NT/LB process (“Next Time/Liked Best”). When it was taught to me, the process was reversed (LB/NT). However, since I began using it in my coaching, I’ve noticed two things that caused me to change the order:
1. Nearly everyone first thinks of what they’d like to do differently next time, even when asked what they liked best.
2. Because the Law of Attraction says, “You attract what you focus on,” it is important that the afterglow of the feedback is focused on what went well so that more things that go well will come your way.
The NT/LB Feedback Process accomplishes several very important things; it
1. Helps you take an objective look at your work so that you can improve it;
2. Encourages a feeling of satisfaction for what you did well;
3. Makes you more productive. When you employ the NT/LB process you are, in effect, acknowledging completion of a task or project. Completion generates energy and we are infinitely more productive when energetic.
In a perfect world, your immediate supervisor would use this sort of technique as a development tool. Because we are so intensely busy these days, even good managers who DO use these tools cannot use them on everything you do. It’s up to you to provide your own job satisfaction.
When you decide to be your own manager, you get to choose the kind of manager you will be. You know all those complaints you’ve had (and have) about supervisors?
Examine those complaints and, when it comes to being your own manager, DO THE OPPOSITE. If you never received enough acknowledgement from past supervisors, make sure you acknowledge yourself. If you never got enough information for the work you need to do, go out and gather the information yourself. If you never got rewarded for a job well done, reward yourself.
The NT/LB Feedback Process will go a long way toward helping you to have the best supervisor you’ve ever had – YOU! Try it out for a few weeks. Watch for how much more interesting work gets (and how much better you get at your work!)
Motivating Feedback
In a recent workshop for managers, I taught a feedback technique that has been very useful in my work. Since that workshop, I have been pondering the whole concept of feedback and how we use it on ourselves, both to motivate and as a way to crush our own spirits.
Feedback, in its purest essence is neither positive nor negative. It is merely data. How it is received cannot be controlled by the person providing the data; how it is received is controlled completely by the data’s recipient. When the provider and the recipient are one and the same, it can get very interesting.
I often lament that, if we talked to a small child the way we sometimes talk to ourselves, we would be arrested for verbal child abuse. I doubt that any readers of this column would say to a child, “How could you be so stupid? What on EARTH were you thinking, you idiot? You never get anything right!” And yet, we feel perfectly comfortable talking to ourselves this way, sometimes even sharing it with others. “I can’t believe I was so stupid. Wait until I tell you what I did!” or, “I’m such an idiot. This won’t happen again, I promise.”
I am using this week’s column to teach a feedback process that will assist enormously in removing the sting of the whip from your internal feedback process.
THE NT/LB FEEDBACK PROCESS
When completing a project or a task, ask yourself the following two questions:
1. If you would do anything differently next time, what would it be?
2. What did you like best about what you did?
This is called the NT/LB process (“Next Time/Liked Best”). When it was taught to me, the process was reversed (LB/NT). However, since I began using it in my coaching, I’ve noticed two things that caused me to change the order:
1. Nearly everyone first thinks of what they’d like to do differently next time, even when asked what they liked best.
2. Because the Law of Attraction says, “You attract what you focus on,” it is important that the afterglow of the feedback is focused on what went well so that more things that go well will come your way.
The NT/LB Feedback Process accomplishes several very important things; it
1. Helps you take an objective look at your work so that you can improve it;
2. Encourages a feeling of satisfaction for what you did well;
3. Makes you more productive. When you employ the NT/LB process you are, in effect, acknowledging completion of a task or project. Completion generates energy and we are infinitely more productive when energetic.
In a perfect world, your immediate supervisor would use this sort of technique as a development tool. Because we are so intensely busy these days, even good managers who DO use these tools cannot use them on everything you do. It’s up to you to provide your own job satisfaction.
When you decide to be your own manager, you get to choose the kind of manager you will be. You know all those complaints you’ve had (and have) about supervisors? Examine those complaints and, when it comes to being your own manager, DO THE OPPOSITE. If you never received enough acknowledgement from past supervisors, make sure you acknowledge yourself. If you never got enough information for the work you need to do, go out and gather the information yourself. If you never got rewarded for a job well done, reward yourself.
The NT/LB Feedback Process will go a long way toward helping you to have the best supervisor you’ve ever had – YOU! Try it out for a few weeks. Watch for how much more interesting work gets (and how much better you get at your work!)
The Truth as a Springboard
Too often, people mistakenly think I am a proponent for ignoring the negative things in life. I would be, if that were possible. Let’s face it; ignoring some things is like having a pesky monkey in the room and pretending you just don’t see him. Does that mean he isn’t there?
I AM a proponent of focusing on what you want. The good news about negative emotions is they help to clarify what we really want. If you passionately wrote down all the things you do not want in life, the path to what you DO want would be very clear. They would simply be those things that are opposite to what you don’t want.
Trying to put a “positive spin” on something that has you really steamed is like using a wine cork to plug a dam. At first, there will be seepage. Eventually, the pressure will build and violently push the cork out in an explosion of water. You want to cause the explosion so you can direct the impact.
So, rather than try and reason your way out of a situation that truly has you down, I recommend having a “Rant & Rave” session as a way to proactively cause the explosion in a controlled environment.
Here are the ingredients of a successful Rant & Rave:
1. Egg timer
2. Pen & paper OR
3. Tape recorder OR
4. Good friend who listens well
Steps to take:
1. Make the following agreement: “When this Rant & Rave ends, I will be over this and ready for resolution. I will no longer complain about it or even discuss it with anyone, including myself.”
2. Set your timer. Depending on how long this has festered and how important it really is, set your timer for 10-30 minutes. You don’t want this to be like the long version of a sixties song that drags on and on and on (and on). You DO want to have enough time to get it all out; to say it all.
3. Let it rip. What are you sick and tired of about this situation? What REALLY makes you mad about it? What do you wish would happen (thoughts of revenge are acceptable here). Be uncharitable. Be unkind. Be petty. GET IT ALL OUT!
4. When the timer goes off, stop. If you are writing, put the pen down. If you are talking, shut-up (ooh, I’m telling mom!).
5. Do a Rant & Rave dance or something to clearly mark the ending. Whoop & holler. Do the Watusi. Better still, dance like the football players when they get a touchdown. Rip up the paper you wrote on and set it on fire in an ashtray or over your toilet. Put it through the shredder & throw confetti in the air. Celebrate – the evil demon is gone.
6. Re-set the timer for 10 minutes.
7. Answer the following questions: What are at least 3 potential solutions? Of the three, which am I ready to embrace?
8. Visualize your new life. Now that you’ve decided on a solution, take a few minutes to write or talk about what life will be like now that you’ve found a solution to this pressing issue. Spend the next 24 hours basking in this fantasy.
9. Enjoy the unfolding. A solution will happen. The Law of Attraction which states, “You attract what you focus on,” would have it no other way.
10. Celebrate the fact that you’ve become the captain of your own ship.
The truth is a remarkable springboard for what you want. The relief you feel after a Rant & Rave session is the very thing that will propel you into the air and toward that which you really want (which is opposite to that which you were raving about).
Enjoy this and use it often. You will find that a 5 minute Rant & Rave at the onset of a negative feeling will save hours, days (heck, sometimes years!) of agony caused when you ignore the pressure building up.
The Truth as a Springboard
By Silver Rose
The Truth as a Springboard
Too often, people mistakenly think I am a proponent for ignoring the negative things in life. I would be, if that were possible. Let’s face it; ignoring some things is like having a pesky monkey in the room and pretending you just don’t see him. Does that mean he isn’t there?
I AM a proponent of focusing on what you want. The good news about negative emotions is they help to clarify what we really want. If you passionately wrote down all the things you do not want in life, the path to what you DO want would be very clear. They would simply be those things that are opposite to what you don’t want.
Trying to put a “positive spin” on something that has you really steamed is like using a wine cork to plug a dam. At first, there will be seepage. Eventually, the pressure will build and violently push the cork out in an explosion of water. You want to cause the explosion so you can direct the impact.
So, rather than try and reason your way out of a situation that truly has you down, I recommend having a “Rant & Rave” session as a way to proactively cause the explosion in a controlled environment.
Here are the ingredients of a successful Rant & Rave:
1. Egg timer
2. Pen & paper OR
3. Tape recorder OR
4. Good friend who listens well
Steps to take:
1. Make the following agreement: “When this Rant & Rave ends, I will be over this and ready for resolution. I will no longer complain about it or even discuss it with anyone, including myself.”
2. Set your timer. Depending on how long this has festered and how important it really is, set your timer for 10-30 minutes. You don’t want this to be like the long version of a sixties song that drags on and on and on (and on). You DO want to have enough time to get it all out; to say it all.
3. Let it rip. What are you sick and tired of about this situation? What REALLY makes you mad about it? What do you wish would happen (thoughts of revenge are acceptable here). Be uncharitable. Be unkind. Be petty. GET IT ALL OUT!
4. When the timer goes off, stop. If you are writing, put the pen down. If you are talking, shut-up (ooh, I’m telling mom!).
5. Do a Rant & Rave dance or something to clearly mark the ending. Whoop & holler. Do the Watusi. Better still, dance like the football players when they get a touchdown. Rip up the paper you wrote on and set it on fire in an ashtray or over your toilet. Put it through the shredder & throw confetti in the air. Celebrate – the evil demon is gone.
6. Re-set the timer for 10 minutes.
7. Answer the following questions: What are at least 3 potential solutions? Of the three, which am I ready to embrace?
8. Visualize your new life. Now that you’ve decided on a solution, take a few minutes to write or talk about what life will be like now that you’ve found a solution to this pressing issue. Spend the next 24 hours basking in this fantasy.
9. Enjoy the unfolding. A solution will happen. The Law of Attraction which states, “You attract what you focus on,” would have it no other way.
10. Celebrate the fact that you’ve become the captain of your own ship.
The truth is a remarkable springboard for what you want. The relief you feel after a Rant & Rave session is the very thing that will propel you into the air and toward that which you really want (which is opposite to that which you were raving about).
Enjoy this and use it often. You will find that a 5 minute Rant & Rave at the onset of a negative feeling will save hours, days (heck, sometimes years!) of agony caused when you ignore the pressure building up.
Reversing your Emotional Vortex
The key to living a life of well-being is the understanding and leveraging of the Law of Attraction which states, “You attract what you focus on.” The simplest way, although not the easiest, is to do everything in your power to stay in a positive mood. When you do, only positive things can come to you.
A vortex is a simple visual that demonstrates just how the Law of Attraction works. Think of a tornado. When your internal energy vortex is made up of positive emotions, then the cavity or vacuum within your center will draw toward it positive circumstances and events because they are a match to what you are focused on.
Conversely, when your energy vortex consists of negative emotions, then the center becomes filled with negative circumstances that match those emotions.
So, when you find yourself in a negative vortex, how do you reverse it? It’s going very fast. It’s gained lots of momentum and lots of junk along the way, and it’s only getting worse by the moment (thanks to the Law of Attraction, darn it!)
In the many years since I was first diagnosed with clinical depression, I have learned how to reverse a negative energy vortex when I get stuck in one. Today, I’m going to share that information with you.
Fortunately my depression is in remission. However, it is always lurking in the background, ready to step in should I leave a wide enough opening in a negative energy vortex.
Does this mean I’m happy all the time? Hardly. What it does mean is that, over the years, I’ve managed to slowly decrease the tolerance I have bfor wallowing in negative emotions for long periods of time.
Initially, I wallowed for years. My doctor told me I’d suffered from clinical depression since the age of four. When you’re a child and there is no one who knows how to help you release the negativity, there’s not much you can do. However, as an adult, I discovered a world of information on how to treat this depression and I’ve been working on it ever since.
Here is what I have learned about how to reverse a negative energy vortex:
Step 1: Notice it. That sounds ridiculous but often we don’t even know we’re feeling negative emotions. If you ignore them or are oblivious for awhile, don’t worry. They’ll get more intense until they are able to get your attention.
Step 2 – Name it. “I’m in a really bad mood. Do I want to stay here? Do I want to go where this is taking me?”
Step 3 – Go for a thought that brings you some relief.. You don’t go from negative to “happy camper” in 3.5 seconds or less. You work on it a little bit at a time. Set a timer for 3 minutes and use self-talk to feel just a little better. You’ll know you’ve been successful when you experience a sense of relief. It’s at that point that the energy vortex has reversed and is now a positive one. Relief is the reverse gear.
Step 4 – Keep feeding the positive vortex. Use self-talk. Use appreciation. Put on music that pleases you. Do whatever you can to continue your upward spiral.
I have been using this process for many years and can report to you that, not only does it work, it is a formula for thriving no matter what level of negativity you are in. When you master the art of reversing negative energy and turning it into an upwardly spiraling positive vortex, you have taken control of your own well-being.
Being negative takes up much, much more time and energy than being positive. Investing the time it takes to find the reverse will pay for itself over and over in many different and wonderful ways. Give yourself this gift next time you suddenly realize you’re grumpy.